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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Awful gift off DP and he’s being precious about it!

348 replies

Gertrood · 28/01/2024 19:37

My birthday yesterday. DP handed me a gift which turned out to be a hideous charm bracelet - clearly meant for children. Made from pure metal. I don’t wear jewellery at the best of times but would have worn something decent on special occasions - this however I would never wear. I’m normally a very grateful person but I half thought this was a joke until I saw how proud of himself he was so I said “it’s a lovely thought but I don’t really wear jewellery”. He said “well you’ll have to wear this as it cost me a lot of money, anyway you’ve not opened the other one yet” - so I opened the other one and it was a small bag of metal charms. Awfully childish and generic ones like a stiletto, a little metal car!? A unicorn!!!

So I said “as I said, it’s a nice thought but I won’t wear this, it’s for children” he said “it’s not for children! You dont have to wear all the charms but I do insist you wear this one that I chose especially” - it was a charm saying “true love” 🤦‍♀️ I’m getting annoyed at this point and say “you chose that one especially? So the others were just bought in bulk?” So he said “no, they were all different sets and I chose this one for you”.

I explained that charms on a bracelet are meant to at least resemble something to the owner. This stuff couldn’t be more opposite to what I’m like. I’ve never worn a stiletto in my life - I have no interest in cars - I don’t have a thing for unicorns!!??

Si anyway I said “I’m sorry if you spent a lot of money on it but I won’t wear it, it’s not me at all” I then suggested he give it to his daughter (12). He said he can’t do that as hes bought her the same one already!!

He’s in a huff about it but AIbU to think this was really bloody thoughtless? I’d have rather got nothing at all. It’s tacky as hell. The best bit, I looked at his eBay account where I guessed it was from and it cost him £2.99 - the charms were a job lot for £3 including the one he “chose especially”

OP posts:
BingoMarieHeeler · 29/01/2024 07:03

Anyone who ‘insists’ I do something can swivel tbh. YANBU!

wellhello24 · 29/01/2024 07:04

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/01/2024 04:01

Present him with a printout of the cost. If he’s paid more, he’s been had. I’d be really upset to receive something eo tacky.

Good idea. OP seriously you need to call him out on his lies!! Trying to make you feel bad because you weren’t keen on it by telling you it was really expensive. Bullshit! He’s a liar & he’s cheap.

Bournetilly · 29/01/2024 07:05

Why is he lying and saying it’s expensive? YANBU

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 29/01/2024 07:06

Thoughtless and tight. Not a good combo.

hamsterswhiskers · 29/01/2024 07:11

YANBU. He sounds a complete charmer. Pun intended. I'd have been insulted. Also, when he said "I insist". Er hello, you don't get to insist anything you arse. How bloody rude. He clearly doesn't know you or doesn't care. I'd "insist" he run along and inflict his crap personality on someone else.

Mia184 · 29/01/2024 07:12

Does the unicorn look like this?
Thomas Sabo charms were quite trendy years ago here in Germany but not so much these days.

Awful gift off DP and he’s being precious about it!
hamsterswhiskers · 29/01/2024 07:15

Bestyearever2024 · 28/01/2024 20:38

He's a total wanker

I did a longer response but you've nailed it 👏🏻

arethereanyleftatall · 29/01/2024 07:17

Unless £2.99 is a lot of money to you, are you not fussed that he lied to your face op?

daisychain01 · 29/01/2024 07:17

thecatsarecrazy · 28/01/2024 20:07

I would probably throw it in the bin. That's just insulting

The first thing I'd throw in the bin would be him

Seriously, OP what drives you to be with this unclassy specimen?

hopscotcher · 29/01/2024 07:19

I was thinking you were being a bit tactless/ungrateful until I read that it cost £2.99!

daisychain01 · 29/01/2024 07:22

We need to stop being conditioned to thinking that pushing back on shite gifts makes us ungrateful.

Nope, it gives a strong message to the giver that we know our worth, we deserve better and need to stop putting up with the shabbiness and being "nice" or "kind"

Holidayhell22 · 29/01/2024 07:28

I would buy him a similar gift for his birthday and insists he wears it. Make sure it’s the cheapest, crappies pule of tat you can find.
Dh bought me earrings for my birthday after I said I would like some.
The difference being he asked me to show him the type I liked which I did. He bought those exact earrings.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 29/01/2024 07:31

Greycottage · 28/01/2024 20:20

I don’t find it funny at all.

Just speak to him. Say “do you really think it’s okay to spend £3 on my birthday gift?
Can you explain why you did that?”

It’s less than the cost of a coffee.

This, why are you ignoring all the people asking why you are still with him OP?

I’d ask him this. If he gets defensive, see you later 👋

it’s really not funny. He sounds horrible.

DreamTheMoors · 29/01/2024 07:32

My ex was this idiotic.
I asked him if he’d prefer if I picked out my own gifts and he just bought them?
Stupid arsehole said yes, he’d much prefer that.
From then on I got beautiful handbags, gorgeous jewelry, great shoes & boots, etc and even though I was never surprised, I was never disappointed again.
Well, except by him.

SootysCaravan · 29/01/2024 07:32

I would leave it soaking in a cup of water for a few days. You wore it in the shower didn’t you.. and thought there was no possibility of it turning green and now there’s no way to wear it.
What a shame!

Most importantly- what a thoughtless bastard. And a liar too.
Sorry OP

SpeedyDrama · 29/01/2024 07:37

Ouch, I’ve been there. Except it was my partner of 14 years. Asked for a very specific necklace, sent the link, very clear it was something I’d love and wear constantly. Bought me a cheap children's necklace instead. One of many nails in the coffin of our relationship.

Duckingella · 29/01/2024 07:44

Jeez

I think I'd rather get one of those fake tolberone's from the pound shop than this tacky rubbish.

urrrgh46 · 29/01/2024 07:55

I'm sorry you got a terrible birthday present @Gertrood could you make sure he gets you something you actually like for Valentine's? As a side I'd like to wish you a belated happy birthday and say we share a birthday!! So 🎉 to us x

urrrgh46 · 29/01/2024 07:56

And add I need to change my username as I'm now 48 🤦

Daleksatemyshed · 29/01/2024 08:07

It's not the gift so much, tacky as it is, it's he thinks you're dim enough to believe it's expensive and bought with you in mind. Even his 12 year olds not falling for it. He thinks he's been clever Op, I'd make sure he hears different from you

ORLt · 29/01/2024 08:07

Been there, done that. This is sad and probably what I shall say is even sadder, I don't know. This whole 'partner' thing. I had a 'partner' like that, because I was silly. Thing is, he did not want to marry me because he was looking for something better. Talking now from my own bitter experience. You are his partner, you are not important enough for him to marry you, even if you have a child together. Again, I am talking from own unpleasant experience. If he is not prepared to marry you, why do you think he would be prepared to buy you a decent present? A man who was my 'partner' was penny-pinching with me and our lovely 'staycations'. Boy, did he change when he found a person he thought worthy of marrying! Look deeper, the cheap jewellery is not the problem. Again, speaking from experience I would not wish anyone to repeat.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 29/01/2024 08:08

You know, I can forgive a thoughtful gift that doesn't hit the mark. At least they've thought of you.

But he's clearly saw this and thought of his daughter, remembered it's your birthday coming up and thought "that'll do". And then to lie about it?!

I agree with other posters who've said if this is a pattern of shit and cheapo gifts it won't change. I have a feeling it is, else he wouldn't be doubling down on it.

Parentofeanda · 29/01/2024 08:11

Sorry but that's really embarrassing :S like.... That's not normal .... I've actually got the Ick

SkySecret · 29/01/2024 08:16

Wow…. but thanks for the chuckle OP 😂 the cannabis leaf really got me!

I don’t even know where to start with this….

So his only gift to you for your birthday was a shit bracelet that cost a fiver? I mean, I know it’s not about the money as such, but unless he’s destitute he could have spent a bit more than a fiver! AND he lied saying it cost a lot of money? Urgh.

He also tries to claim it’s a thoughtful gift, but buys a matching one for his daughter, even though it’s not her birthday? Yup, entirely thoughtless gift.

He sounds gross, pop him in the bin with the bracelet….!

Emotionalsupportviper · 29/01/2024 08:32

HussellRobbs · 28/01/2024 19:42

What a shithead. Please never buy him anything for his birthday or Christmas again.

Indeed!

Give him the bracelet and charms back for his birthday.
I suggest buying a "special one" with "FUCK OFF" on it, just for him.