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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Awful gift off DP and he’s being precious about it!

348 replies

Gertrood · 28/01/2024 19:37

My birthday yesterday. DP handed me a gift which turned out to be a hideous charm bracelet - clearly meant for children. Made from pure metal. I don’t wear jewellery at the best of times but would have worn something decent on special occasions - this however I would never wear. I’m normally a very grateful person but I half thought this was a joke until I saw how proud of himself he was so I said “it’s a lovely thought but I don’t really wear jewellery”. He said “well you’ll have to wear this as it cost me a lot of money, anyway you’ve not opened the other one yet” - so I opened the other one and it was a small bag of metal charms. Awfully childish and generic ones like a stiletto, a little metal car!? A unicorn!!!

So I said “as I said, it’s a nice thought but I won’t wear this, it’s for children” he said “it’s not for children! You dont have to wear all the charms but I do insist you wear this one that I chose especially” - it was a charm saying “true love” 🤦‍♀️ I’m getting annoyed at this point and say “you chose that one especially? So the others were just bought in bulk?” So he said “no, they were all different sets and I chose this one for you”.

I explained that charms on a bracelet are meant to at least resemble something to the owner. This stuff couldn’t be more opposite to what I’m like. I’ve never worn a stiletto in my life - I have no interest in cars - I don’t have a thing for unicorns!!??

Si anyway I said “I’m sorry if you spent a lot of money on it but I won’t wear it, it’s not me at all” I then suggested he give it to his daughter (12). He said he can’t do that as hes bought her the same one already!!

He’s in a huff about it but AIbU to think this was really bloody thoughtless? I’d have rather got nothing at all. It’s tacky as hell. The best bit, I looked at his eBay account where I guessed it was from and it cost him £2.99 - the charms were a job lot for £3 including the one he “chose especially”

OP posts:
betterangels · 29/01/2024 08:34

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 29/01/2024 07:31

This, why are you ignoring all the people asking why you are still with him OP?

I’d ask him this. If he gets defensive, see you later 👋

it’s really not funny. He sounds horrible.

I agree. Don't find it funny either. His attitude is the biggest turn off.

Loubelle70 · 29/01/2024 08:44

Apart from being cheap... he's also a liar. It wasnt expensive as he states. That would grind my gears.
When i read it tbh i thought hes bought it as job lot second hand.
Its cheap ass present. Id rather have nothing if thats case.
Buy him a bra for his birthday...tell him to put himself in it... hes a tit OP

MoreCraicPlease · 29/01/2024 08:47

I knew my ex boyfriend didn’t rate me highly when he guided me to buying him a piece of clothing for £50 (a huge part of my disposable salary at the time) and got me a tacky necklace I’d never wear for £20.
This is much worse!
Save yourself the headache and just end it. It is a sign how little he thinks of you to buy a present off eBay for less than a fiver. It is the thought that counts and he has made his thoughts clear.

Peanutsforthebluetit · 29/01/2024 08:51

The issue here is not the crap gift so much as the deception surrounding it.

Someone could buy you a cheap present and admit it, maybe have a laugh about it and you might even end up wearing it.

On this occasion he’s made out he paid a lot of money for it, guilt trips you, insists you wear it and is being a dick about it.

Thats aside from getting you something you wouldn’t wear, showing he knows little about you.

My hunch is he wants you to wear it so he can get secret pleasure at having deceived and made a fool of you.
Passive aggressive.

On that basis you should dump him.

fluffytail · 29/01/2024 08:53

That's so thoughtless and strange. Did you see the transaction on his eBay? Is there any chance that they sent him two by accident and he's given the spare to his daughter?

Pootle23 · 29/01/2024 08:53

2Old2Tango · 28/01/2024 19:56

If he considers that to be an expensive present that thank fuck he didn't buy you something cheap 🤣🤣

Best comment 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Calliopespa · 29/01/2024 08:53

WolvesDiscoandBoogaloo · 28/01/2024 19:51

I was about to say slightly U until I saw the cost. Thought that counts and all that. But I've put things in the dustbin that are worth more than that!!

I’m glad Wolves posted that because I’m the same. I was kind of envisaging him somewhere like Links or Thomas Sabot picking out costly charms one by one and thought it was the kind of gift he might have thought you would have found meaningful ( I won’t say charming!😜) even if you didn’t like it and that you were being a bit heartless and demanding. Then the eBay reveal and I was grappling with why the cost should make a difference as normally I’m a real it’s the thought believer. But job lot, same as DD, eBay ( EBAY for jewellery!!? ) … and really £5 or thereabouts. That just makes the “ spent a lot “ a total fib in the context of jewellery. I didn’t even know yoh could buy adult jewellery for that … oh, but hang on … it’s not.

Calliopespa · 29/01/2024 08:55

fluffytail · 29/01/2024 08:53

That's so thoughtless and strange. Did you see the transaction on his eBay? Is there any chance that they sent him two by accident and he's given the spare to his daughter?

Or the spare to you?!!!
Now we’re just stirring trouble ! 😝

Calliopespa · 29/01/2024 08:56

Can you find it on eBay OP and upload thd link?

VampireWeekday · 29/01/2024 09:02

I also remember the other thread where someone got his daughter and wife the same gift. It wasn't a really cheap one though and he didn't insist she wear it, if I remember correctly.

It's not even about the money, if his budget is £6 then a nice chocolate bar or coffee would be much more appreciated than this shite. The insistence you wear it is the line for me. Not enough that the gift is crap he's trying to control you.

BronwenTheBrave · 29/01/2024 09:05

Wear it whenever you go out with his friends, and show them what DO got for your birthday, saying excitedly ‘it cost nearly 3 whole pounds!’

theDudesmummy · 29/01/2024 09:09

I would honestly dump him. That is 100x worse than no gift and is an absolute insult. Ugh. If he is very hard up he could have spent a fiver on some chocolates, at least they are easily disposed of!

Freakinfraser · 29/01/2024 09:10

I think if he can only afford a fiver, then he’s tried to make an effort and failed badly, personally I’d put it in a box and not discuss it further.

Klcak · 29/01/2024 09:10

Less than 3 quid on a shitty kids bracelet? That you were told cost a lot? So he lied as well!

why would you spend your life with this bloke?

get rid!

54isanopendoor · 29/01/2024 09:10

Christmasnutcracker · 28/01/2024 19:48

"It cost me a lot of money"........I'd give it to his daughter and see if she wanted to give it to her friend so they could have matching 'jewellery'.

Tbh his lies and attitude would piss me off more than the tacky jewellery.

I agree. My exH was absolutely hopeless re gifts - he used to buy me the same gift as his Mother. 'Last of the Summer Wine' DVD anyone?
We had no money so I didn't expect much but tbf you can find something nice, & more personal, for £20 at a charity shop if you try (which is what we did).
But fibbing about value & trying to guilt trip you is not on, imo.

Klcak · 29/01/2024 09:11

Freakinfraser · 29/01/2024 09:10

I think if he can only afford a fiver, then he’s tried to make an effort and failed badly, personally I’d put it in a box and not discuss it further.

He told her it cost a lot of money. He’s a liar.

MzHz · 29/01/2024 09:14

Gertrood · 28/01/2024 20:16

No hers was just a random gift because he thought she’d get jealous when she saw mine 🙄 I think it more likely she would have laughed hysterically at it had she not suffered the same fate

Omg, he’s buying her tacky compensation gifts because she might be jealous he’s getting you a BIRTHDAY gift?

has he got YOU a gift when it was her birthday

he sounds clueless, tight and wet.

im guessing that this is a new relationship so just get rid of him.

he doesn’t value you, he’s never going to prioritise you at ANY point, and he doesn’t even have the intelligence to know why what he’s done is totally unacceptable

Calliopespa · 29/01/2024 09:18

VampireWeekday · 29/01/2024 09:02

I also remember the other thread where someone got his daughter and wife the same gift. It wasn't a really cheap one though and he didn't insist she wear it, if I remember correctly.

It's not even about the money, if his budget is £6 then a nice chocolate bar or coffee would be much more appreciated than this shite. The insistence you wear it is the line for me. Not enough that the gift is crap he's trying to control you.

Yeah I was a bit put off by the insistence bit. And wondering what the point would be, given he knows you aren’t enjoying wearing it …

Calliopespa · 29/01/2024 09:20

Wibblebits · 28/01/2024 21:31

I got a charm bracelet off temu it cost £15. Each of the charms were £3 and up. A bunch of roses in marks and Spencer are £3! He could have done a lot better even if he was completely skint!

This is a slight detail, but m and s roses are incredible. They even never die …

Wibblebits · 29/01/2024 09:21

Yeah I had some that lasted two weeks

Calliopespa · 29/01/2024 09:22

Wibblebits · 29/01/2024 09:21

Yeah I had some that lasted two weeks

And that’s pretty standard for them . Amazing.

hudpat · 29/01/2024 09:23

Cheap and nasty.
I don't like his insistence that you have to wear it.
Also, it shows that he doesn't know anything about you (and probably doesn't care). Surely he's noticed that you don't wear jewellery? None of my friends and family would ever buy me anything like that because they know that I don't wear any jewellery at all.
Anyway, if you did wear jewellery, a decent bloke would notice what things you like.
A cross charm when you're an atheist? FFS. A cannabis leaf?

I think you can do better than this knob.

notanothernana · 29/01/2024 09:23

I have one, all solid silver and in the classic style you describe. Mind you I have had it since I was 14, but I love mine.

Calliopespa · 29/01/2024 09:24

Calliopespa · 29/01/2024 09:22

And that’s pretty standard for them . Amazing.

If you wrapped them in some pretty tissue instead of the plastic they are pretty much the perfect “ cheap “ gift. Tell him to read this thread OP!

Dragonfly97 · 29/01/2024 09:25

BlueRidgeMountains · 28/01/2024 19:47

Pick him a load of dandelions from garden when it's his birthdays tell him you chose them just for him, same colour as his teeth.

🤣🤣🤣