To not want to be sat near loud cackling women

[Ferretmad2]

What is it with groups of loud, cackling women these days? Third time I’ve eaten out recently and next to a table full of shouty, cackling women who seem to be in a contest of who can cackle the loudest. Doesn’t seem to matter whether it’s a posh place or not. I’m fed up of having to be sat near them whilst waiting for my food. Can’t move as we are in a table of 7. My three autistic children are completely silent! Feel like following my eldest child’s example and getting noise cancelling AirPods.

I can't stand loud, sweary and lairy groups from any gender so there you go!

No one expects to eat in silence but some people just can't help but emit ridiculous levels of noise. It is performance laughter, and very 'look at me'. I never travel without noise-cancelling earphones but most people don't expect to have to use those at a restaurant.

I'm as averse to sexist language as I am to unnecessarily excessive noise. 'Hysterical' is obviously as misogynistic as they come, but cackling is a new one on me. Anyone can cackle; cackling is non-gender specific.

Somehow I almost always manage to share a railway carriage with the long lost cousin of the arch manic cackler Salacious Crumb. And he was male ...

The last time we went out to dinner was in 2022, we haven't since because of our experience. It does seriously impact on us, yes. I had to tell my teen to wear his noise cancelling headphones, which he knows are normally unacceptable at a social event, as he was sitting mute and in obvious discomfort.

Normal, natural, joyful laughter is not the problem here. It's performative laughter.

YANBU. Adults should have learned a long time ago that you shouldn't be loud in a restaurant.

Why is it so difficult to have basic manners? You aren't entitled to shout in a restaurant.

No, yanbu. People should just dial the volume down generally. My mum said people didn't go in for what she calls 'all this yoo-hoo-hooing' years ago and certainly didn't eff and blind in public places and never in front of kids, unless they were really rough. I'm not one to look with rose-tinted spectacles at 'the past' but that's definitely been one change for the worse.

There is laughing and there is cackling. Why do some women have to let others, not in their group, know that they think something is funny, it’s as if there’s a competition as to who can make the loudest noise.
When there is a comedian in a theatre with 2000+ in the audience, people laugh, they don’t cackle. I stopped watching Loose Women because of the cackling. It is not always the ones that high pitch voices that are the problem either.

That isn't what anyone is saying and I think you know that.

OP, you have a lot on your plate with three autistic kids. I'm sure it can be stressful managing an evening out. People should give you a break I think.

I don't like echoey restaurants or those with loud music as it's hard to hear the people you are with and overall noise levels rise. I've never really noticed these groups of noisy people, so I'm probably one of them.

When I go out, I laugh a lot, because my friends are fun. I don't notice the strangers around me, am certainly am not 'performing' for them. I'm picturing all the miseries on this thread giving tight little smiles as the high point of their joyful interactions when they go out.

I am silent for 90% of my life (live alone, work from home) so have no interest in moderating how I socialise, in a place designed for socialising.

It is just thoughtlessness/selfishness that makes people behave this way. Cackling is just a descriptor, the equivalent would be braying/guffawing; it's not complimentary for either sex and neither is any of that behaviour necessary.

Not difficult to understand really. If you are in public and what you do impacts other people then be prepared for the outfall.

I think people are just less aware of themselves now and coupled with that, they just don't care. It's already on this thread... 'stifling joy' and the like. There's no escape from it other than to stop giving these places your money.

Oh get a grip. It's equally annoying when men are too loud in public. This group just happened to be women. All adults should know how to "behave" in public. Have manners. Not hard.

I really dislike loud groups of people too but I know what you mean about the cackling. It seems more fake than real laughter, designed to draw attention - but usually I’ve only ever encountered that when the group have been really drunk.

OP I can relate. I think what happens is restaurants seat people close together and especially larger groups because they're often louder! Try explaining your seating preference and needs before you are seated.

I actually think it's to be celebrated because I have noticed a decline in groups of people having fun in public since the lockdown. For example, on a Friday night you used to get groups of raucous young people on the tubes etc - these days there's nothing. Where is everyone? Have they got used to doing Netflix or watching films indoors? In my opinion the women should cackle away.

Normal, natural, joyful laughter is not the problem here. It's performative laughter.

I agree, and some posters fail to recognise this.

Please can everyone who thinks cackling (yes, some women do do it)) is OK please read @SoOutingWhoCares very informative post.

I agree op. Unfortunately it seems to go hand in hand with far too much alcohol, which I can only assume means they are really unaware of how loud they are being. The only thing to do is to ask to be moved, but that’s difficult if you’re a larger party. Other than that you could complain and ask for them to quieten down, but that leads to bad feeling and likely wouldn’t make much difference anyway.

I like it.

My family are all Welsh and this kind of loud, raucous enjoyment is absolutely the norm where they live (disclaimer: I am not saying this applies in all of Wales, but in the South Wales seaside town where they live it is the absolute norm).

I grew up in England (with Welsh parents) and from a young age the main social gatherings I went to were in Wales - so wedding, big parties and things.

I still remember the first time I went to a wedding in England (I was about 21) and I couldn't work out what was wrong. People were sitting quietly chatting, no one was dancing. It was all very staid.

I just think it's an English cultural thing to murmur quietly when you're enjoying yourself and since the OP asked I am giving my tuppence worth.

cackling like a load of witches

Where have you been that you actually heard this?

@Ferretmad2

Not going to comment on the misogyny thoughts,I doubt that was the aim of your post.

May have missed it further up the thread...but have you considered something like Loop earplugs? I have 2 chaps on the spectrum that are absolutely fine with noise now they are 7 and 13 but I can struggle. My eldest has Tourettes also and he has a lot of gasping/shock sounding noises/vocal tics that set my nerves on edge when it's relentless. The earplugs just numb it a bit for me,and it doesn't mean I can't hear them if they need me or chat away.

I mean it in the sense if it bothers you,you could soften the noise when you're out if it makes you anxious about it?

Oooh, are we being inappropriately loud?!
Oooh, is everyone looking?!

Look at meeeee! Look at meeeee!

Why is it only groups of women annoying you?
And 'cackling'?
Misogyny much!

Yep agreed. I dislike loud groups when out; both men and women!

The description for that noise is cackling
‘laughing in a loud harsh way’, or
‘producing a raucous clucking sound or cry’
Which is so annoying and intrusive and nothing to do with misogyny.

If it's not misogynistic, why do we never associate men with cackling? The use of the word suggests that women are witch-like (ie old and ugly). Have you ever heard a group of men decribed as cackling?

This! Totally, get right on my nerves

As a woman, cackling in restaurants is by far my favourite pastime.

If it's not misogynistic, why do we never associate men with cackling? The use of the word suggests that women are witch-like (ie old and ugly). Have you ever heard a group of men decribed as cackling?

It's high pitched, men don't normally have the pitch for a cackle. I associate the word with hens.