To think we should get the double room?

[Bibbidybobbidyroo]

We gave a family holiday booked this year - 2 adults in family 1 (my parents), two adults one child in family 2 (us).

My parents offered to pay for the cost of the accommodation as a kind gesture (they are financially better off). The accommodation has one master bedroom with a double bed, and three other twin bedrooms.

Our child has ASD and cosleeps as it’s the only way to guarantee any sort of sleep on what I fear is already going to be a trying week - first time abroad and a big routine change. I asked if we could the the double bed otherwise I’m going to end up squashed in a single with DD. They aren’t keen at ALL. Should probably mention my dad ends up falling asleep on the sofa and staying there all night anyway so my mum will mostly have the double bed to herself.

Im grateful that they paid for the villa but I feel like it’s coming with conditions that aren’t going to be very relaxing for us at all. I would have rather just paid our share and the felt like I could push for the bigger room more.

would you raise this again or just put up and shut up and accept the financial saving?

Rude, spiteful and emotionally unintelligent are what springs to mind in many of the replies, yet here we are.

you can just choose not to comment, go about your day and not call people names. Go touch some grass outside or something.

Yet more problems caused by co-sleeping!

I would be delighted if my parents paid for the holiday and would give them the better sleeping arrangements anyway.
Along with buying the food for the accommodation and the odd treat whilst out.
You are very lucky OP

If I wanted to change those arrangements and my parents weren’t happy I’d pay my full share
Otherwise push the beds together or share the twin rooms
Maybe, even, this is an opportunity for your dc to practice sleeping alone.( based on age, etc etc etc, obviously only you can know if this is even possible ). Just a thought.

I 100% think they deserve the master. I'm sure you can make it work. She's only 4, doesn't need a ton of space.

Hasn't it just
And the op has taken it in really good grace yet some posters come along stick the boot in so they feel better about themselves and add absolutely zero to the discussion

My child would likely feel the gap. Sleeps bang centre in the bed, bounces up and down like a jack-in-a-box, fidgets all night, startles awake constantly and would definitely not like the feeling of it, fitted sheet or not.

It’s genuinely really rude and unnecessary to tell the OP that it’s a non issue when the OP knows it’s an issue. We know our neurodiverse children, we know what’s likely to bother them and what probably won’t. We have enough real problems to deal with every day without making any more up.

I could choose not to comment. However I chose to comment because this s a forum and that is what people do. 🤷‍♀️

I have no idea what you mean about grass outside.

Edit: Haven’t called you any names either.

I would do this. You'll end up with a bigger bed too - if standard singles a 6 ft bed - sounds like a better option to me.

Take a 6 ft fitted sheet to help join the two beds together.

Not the ones I'm reading

Do you have an ND child?

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Delighted to help. If she is seeking proprioceptive input a weighted blanket can be good for the night and a special pressure vest for the day - can sometimes help for doing homework and things.

Honestly, we have been fine with singles pressed together; no one fell into the ravine between the beds, everyone comfy. Again look at the photos of the accomodation, if they are divan then no issue. You can call ahead and ask the people to set it up for you and sometimes they will even swap in a double if they have access to other properties.

Get everything planned and you will all be fine and have a great time!

they would go ballistic that I was ruining the holiday because I wouldn’t just fall in line with what they wanted to do

Doesn't sound like they are actually worth going on holiday with

No. you used adjectives instead of nouns.

Same result.

Fucking hell these replies.

sometimes I wish some people could experience just one day of having an autistic child. Then maybe they’d pipe the fuck down.

Also you can ask an autism charity local to you for help weaning her off the cosleeping as you will have enough to cope with when she gets to school without trying to deal with that too. For some it’s quite straightforward with support. For some they need it longer into childhood. Wishing you all the best of luck.

Maybe you mum isn't comfortable and can't settle in a single. Regardless, they are your parents, they paid, you never made it clear a double was a deal breaker before booking, they want the double (probably en-suite) that they paid for. You are making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

It isn't really a child/parent dynamic issue, apart from you being reverting to being childish because it is your parents (we all do at times!) Would you ask for the double/en-suite if friends paid for accommodation and invited you to join them for free for the week? That would be very cheeky and this is no different.

Just push two singles together, I've done it loads with ds when sleeping in unfamiliar places and he has never fallen through the middle yet! Even better if you can push up against a wall.

So many of these replies have no idea of the difficulty involved in taking an autistic child who needs to cosleep abroad.

I do. I’ve done 18 years of it.
your parents are being incredibly selfish.

what I’ve done previously is to put the first single against the wall and then put the second single right up against it, trapping the beds together with either a heavy piece of furniture or suitcases at the other side of the 2nd single so that they don’t come apart. Then I’d sleep on the crack myself and put the child between me and the wall. You could make the crack a bit better by using something like a makeshift mattress topper.

I fear for you really. Your parents don’t understand your dd or the difficulties you face bringing her up.

Yes that sounds selfish of them but I suppose they think they’re paying so they get to choose. Next time I’d insist on a better set up of rooms. And somewhere else your dad can sleep otherwise you’re confined to your room in the middle of the night. They’re obviously very set in their ways. So either you suck it up, stand your ground or don’t go. Maybe mention to your dad he’ll get woken up if he sleeps on the sofa?! Why does he do that anyway?

I could pay for the whole holiday and still wouldn’t be able to take the only double bed off my parents.

Just caught up on all the posts. I don't know why you asked if you don't want opinions that disagree with you. Instead it's 2 pages of comments from OP about why she is right and everyone else is wrong and no one else can possibly understand what a difficult life you lead.

I suggest not going on extended family holiday again. You accepted this time so you can't back out or start making demands but it's clear you need to do things differently in future. Possibly next time just make it a condition that you need a double bed or you won't be going.

Mind you I've lost track of all the twins pushed together as singles I've slept in over the years on holidays we've paid for ourselves and gone on as a couple or with our dc. I didn't realise it was such a problem.

I get it, OP. It's hard being a parent to a SEN child and you would just like your parents to show that they support and care about you.

Just to say ask the villa to check the size of the single beds. Two UK singles make a super king not a king. So actually extra room to a double bed :) Sometimes they are too long by 3 inches but a deep fitted super king fitted sheet works.

if you have room for a mattress protector also it will make it more comfortable over the gap (may not have room in suitcases)

if you ask the villa they may be able to set it up for you to stop you having to take it with you.

there are also companies in some touristy places where you can ‘rent’ child equipment such as cots and high chairs, they deliver to the door when you arrive, they may do sheets and mattress protectors too?

yes it’s a pain, holidays with others always involve compromise. It’s a shame in this situation that the compromise is on your side. But you know it for next time now.

try to not let it overshadow the holiday, it’s not worth it as there are solutions

I would say cosleeping is an effective solution for getting OP and their DD more sleep. The problem here is parents not interesting in making sure everyone else is also comfortable. If that weren't the case, we would have no problem. However if OP didn't cosleep, neither OP, DD and likely anyone else would be getting decent sleep. Therefore cosleeping is not the problem.

She’s not taking it off her parents for her own fun. She needs it for her disabled child to actually sleep. I agree that payment is irrelevant. What’s relevant are the needs of that child, and how much it fucks the parents up dealing with them. Which is a lot.

I can only imagine how hard it must be to have a ND DC.

But in the DPs minds they have kindly paid for OP and her family to come on holiday, with numerous bedrooms they naturally assumed that as they were paying for it, they get to sleep in the master bedroom.

OP has said that they would still expect this even if OP paid her share, but hasn't said that she has offered to pay anything.

It's a bit similar to the scenario where we go away with relatives and paid proportionately a lot more than then - subsidising young adults who weren't earning at the time. We were happy to pay a much higher percentage provided we had the master bedroom with the ensuite. Time has moved on and now the family with the young DCs would need that bedroom- absolutely fine so we will only pay the correct proportion of the holiday and sleep in the very small room.