To think we should get the double room?

[Bibbidybobbidyroo]

We gave a family holiday booked this year - 2 adults in family 1 (my parents), two adults one child in family 2 (us).

My parents offered to pay for the cost of the accommodation as a kind gesture (they are financially better off). The accommodation has one master bedroom with a double bed, and three other twin bedrooms.

Our child has ASD and cosleeps as it’s the only way to guarantee any sort of sleep on what I fear is already going to be a trying week - first time abroad and a big routine change. I asked if we could the the double bed otherwise I’m going to end up squashed in a single with DD. They aren’t keen at ALL. Should probably mention my dad ends up falling asleep on the sofa and staying there all night anyway so my mum will mostly have the double bed to herself.

Im grateful that they paid for the villa but I feel like it’s coming with conditions that aren’t going to be very relaxing for us at all. I would have rather just paid our share and the felt like I could push for the bigger room more.

would you raise this again or just put up and shut up and accept the financial saving?

Yabu and childish. If it doesn’t suit you then don’t go.

Some children need medication help to sleep. If a parent wants to delay that as long as possible, then co-sleeping can be the only other option. There's been parents threatened with eviction because their ND/disabled child will not sleep without them and the crying has gone on for months. My eldest DD was around ten when I started to stop. She needed medication to access senior school and it also helped her sleep. So she slept alone from around thirteen. We used to drug children a lot more. As we did dementia patients etc. People used to give their disabled children up to institutions. With some groups there are health issues, so they wouldn't have survived. These threads always show that people have no idea what life is like for many parents of disabled children.

I'm the same age as the OP's Mum. I always give the double to my DD/GC and I happily pay. There should equally be a level of gratitude for having your GC around.

This does not work for everyone. And I haven’t slept with my child since birth. We’re talking about disability; different needs at different times.

The sleep hygiene clinic I engage with doesn’t remotely suggest I keep returning my child to their room… because it won’t work. We will get there, I am sure of it, but not in this way.

Why do people think they have a simple answer to someone else’s complex disability??

Paying half still doesn't give you automatic entitlement to the double bed, it just raises your entitlement from zero to 50%, so it would still need to be a negotiation/toss of a coin.
And I know it doesn't help, but of all the villas in all the world that have two or more double beds...?

ask if they have a spare fold up bed that could be put in same room. Often available in rental accommodation.
at home try buying one of these beds for your child to sleep next to your bed. One day they will be 16 and changes needed now.

Ah classic MN!

Take a couple of long tie wraps with you to tie the middle legs of pushed together beds together it will stop them parting in the night

Yabvu op. Very spoilt.

It’s very wild to me that so many people are being so black and white about a situation whilst also managing to ignore the neurodiversity of the situation. Much irony, many eye roll.

Seriously? Just as you don’t like the answers? If your child really can’t sleep in two beds pushed together with a sheet over, then why on earth did you not raise this on booking if it was that critical .

personally I read this That you’re just pissed off as you want the master and are venting on here and playing it up for attention.. In all likely hood you’re going to go on holiday.amd the sleeping arrangements will be fine,

Some people cant see beyond their own situation. Dont let them under your skin. Theyre not worth it.

I turned my bedroom floor into a gigantic mattress and we all slept on that for several years after 2 years of trying to get 2 autistic children to sleep in their own beds left me and my husband so chronically sleep deprived we were a danger to ourselves and unfit to take care of children.

Cosleeping was a lifesaver. When we were still trying to get them to sleep in their beds, it was horrendous. There were times I was so tired I just sat and sobbed. There were times I wanted to sob but was literally too tired to do so. I was broken.

They did go into their own beds in their own time BTW. They're in their 20s and I have my own bedroom and sleep alone. My husband is in his bed in another room.

Bliss. 😁

No?

I am referring to people saying things like I must hate my mum? Not being able to comprehend how I am in my 40s and my mum in her 50s.

so many people unable to see outside their own circumstances.

Could you not push 2 singles together for you and dc and dh sleeps in another single?

Share a twin room with your child and push the beds together? You in one single, child in the other. You cannot ask your parents for the master bedroom!

I would just pull out of the holiday, and any future holidays with them. I'd tell them that holidaying together has run its course now that there is a ND child with sleep issues in the mix; it's no longer possible to meet everyone's conflicting needs.

Then you have to weather the ensuing tantrums. Stay calm and polite, don't rise to any goading or insults and just stick to your position; it's been lovely, but it no longer works for your family. It's up to you whether you want to tackle the wider issue with control and authority in the family dynamics, but you don't need to open that can of worms to back out of the holiday. You can just decide that it's not working, and say so.

It’s very wild to me that so many people are being so black and white about a situation whilst also managing to ignore the neurodiversity of the situation

I can't see how it is relevant though. By pushing the beds together or putting the mattresses on the floor then your child will be able to sleep with you as well as if you were in a double bed. (Potentially better if you can put three mattresses together). That means the "neurodiversity of the situation" is irrelevant. You will have to spend some time sorting out the beds but it's so simple to do it's not worth fussing over.

You have the single beds is impacting you a teeny bit but not your child.

Thank you.

i think I will just suck it up and honestly - they aren’t bad people - I think once they see the reality of what it’s like for us they will be more open to how things need to go if we all holiday together.

and I’m sure she will end up swapping beds anyway.

Ye gads op- threaten?

Is it REALLY the end of the world if you push twin beds together? Or even move an extra twin in so there is one for you, your husband and your child.
Your parents ARE being nice- you are being selfish

I’ve got an ASD child who for many years needed to cosleep. I’ve been on this trip and dealt with the sleep deprivation.

I stopped being so agreeable and started insisting on my own separate rental. People just don’t get it if they haven’t lived it.

I think once they see the reality of what it’s like for us they will be more open to how things need to go if we all holiday together.

What do you actually foresee being an issue if you push the two singles together, with no fuss, and you and your dc co-sleep as normal? Or are you planning to attempt to sleep in two separate singles to make a point?

If your dad is on the sofa he will just need to get up and go to the double bed or one of the many spare beds.

I don’t think the two beds will work together for DD.

i can’t sleep in two singles. That will not work.

are you implying I would distress my child to make a point? I think that’s says more about how your mind works than mine

Why won’t 2 singles pushed together work?

I am trying to picture what the issue is? Why wont 2 beds together work for your dd?

Why can you sleep in two singles?

I've done it many many times with no issues, you seem determined it is going to be an issue. I can't work out why.

I feel sorry for the children of the posters in this thread that are saying OP and her child shouldn't have the double bed.

When your children grow up, would you really make them and your disabled grandchild have an unsuitable sleeping situation so you could have a double bed to yourself?

I thought parents were meant to look out for their kids.

It depends on the beds and mattresses. I've had ones that fit together fairly seamlessly and didn't move at all.

I've also had ones with a gap of an inch + because they had mattresses that sat inside wooden frames and also ones that did push together, but had an uncomfortable bumpy bit in the middle because the edges of the mattress were really hard.

None of the crappy ones would be a problem for OPs mum who will be on her own.