Homeoffice fees

[Lucky2shoes]

Dp is on limited leave to remain and we are so upset at what it's going to cost to renew for another 2.5 years. It's in the region of £4500. We both feel like our lives are wrecked and I feel like there is no point in my life anymore. I'm on zero hour contract as I'm unwell due to autism/adhd plus other conditions I can't work more hours and dp is full-time minimum wage we are not entitled to any benefits.
On top of all of this dp has dependants although mostly grown up in his home country who put immense pressure on him to help financially due to poor earnings.
I don't know what to do about this situation but I feel like checking out of my life but I feel so bad for dp who is a very good person.

I don't know. And the previous payments are of course fine, but the situation has changed. If there is no visa, there is no money, and the eldest should be working.

Are you telling me to leave dp because I can't

But if he continues sending £400 a month to his family rather than saving £400 for the necessary fees to stay here, then he'll be leaving you anyway?

But this isn't really about child support in Pakistan, it's about the OP and her quality of life.

He needs to make a choice then.

Will he prioritise his life here with you, or prioritise funding his adult children in his home country?

Either choice is valid but they are mutually exclusive. So he needs to choose.

I think this is a really kind and accurate assessment. Can you see any truth in this OP?

I agree, I was surprised that the thread was so vehemently "stop sending the money immediately" when it is clear from the very first post that there are underage dependents back there.
The OP would be in the same financial situation with a British man on min wage with three kids, so you are quite right that the Pakistan aspect is not too relevant.

So a quick Google is telling me that the average monthly salary in Pakistan is 81800 PKR per month. He is sending 140000.

Find me a parent who receives more than a basic NMW salary in CMS for two kids, as the eldest doesn't count, and I will find you a unicorn.

OP In one of your previous posts you asked how to improve his prospects and his wages did you implement any of those suggestions as I remember there were some good ones but you/your DP pooh poohed them all without even looking into it.

A British unemployed / underemployed single parent would typically receive more than NMW in CMS + various benefits, whereas I presume that the second component is absent in Pakistan by design.

True, but they would also be expected to work given the ages of the children, and i was only talking about the CMS side. It is a different country with different rules, and that's OK. He should send something, of course, but not at the expense of the OP's quality of life. And as said, no savings , no visa.

I do worry that she will end up taking a loan as she is enmeshed to a scary extent. Sunk cost fallacy as said above.

I wouldn't worry - if he gets settled and manages to bring the family to the UK he may well expect OP to sub them too

I have no idea op whether you are being taken for a ride or not. You need to look at everything yourself and trust your gut. I'm married to a Pakistani man (together 20 years this year) who is a good man, husband and father. I can tell you though that I considered walking away a couple of times. Once before marriage and once during and both because of in-laws and their impact on our relationship. DH is very soft and it's been very hard for him to establish boundaries but he has.

If you want to stay you have to accept that your life is always going to be very complex. There is always going to be stress. It's absolutely right for him to send money for his family to support his children. What amount they need would depend on a lot of factors. Cost of living in one area is not the same as another. £400 is quite a lot of money but as you say they don't have free education or healthcare and an illness can be crippling financially. There will almost definitely be family who see him as a golden goose and will be taking advantage. You guys need to set your own boundaries personally and as a couple.

I would add that please do not take any credit out because of this situation. If he is unable to save it in advance how will he pay it back?

That's not true. LLR allows dependent children.

If he has been widowed for so long, and given that he is from a culture where marriage rather than cohabitation is required, why hasn't he married you?

Sadly probably because he is still married.

We just haven't bothered we are in the uk where its accepted

I know some of you have mentioned his kids should be working and they are but it's very slow and not enough money is been made. The 18 year old spends what he earns on himself and his fiancee and the 24 year old is trying but only making an extremely small amount.
The 15 year old is a female so she won't ever work most likely

We just haven't bothered we are in the uk where its accepted Also makes it easier for him to move on should your money run out, he no longer needs your support for a visa and/or he finds someone else.

With all due respect to posters suggesting he is using me and will do this and that I am the one that's spent time with him and know him it isn't easy to judge somebody's character from a keyboard and I mean that in the kindest way.

OP I know you think you're situation is super unique, but it's not. There's plenty of people on this thread who've gone through the visa and immigration system as a non national and they are all telling you something dodgy is going on with your partner.

He isn't going to get a magical free waiver. So either he needs to up his game and earn more or you will need to earn more or take out credit/loan to pay for the next step in the process. What do you think is more likely? The immigration process isn't there to make it is easy for anyone in it.

I've never thought my situation is unique but posters are presuming I'm not clever enough to realise if he was using me.
I do think he's getting a hard time on here. He is working and providing for his kids and me.
I don't expect the immigration system to be an easy one but the homeoffice are taking advantage.

I don't expect the immigration system to be an easy one but the homeoffice are taking advantage.

One thing for sure here is that the Homeoffice are definitely NOT taking advantage.

Taking advantage how?

I don't expect the immigration system to be an easy one but the homeoffice are taking advantage.

But OP you've said that the cost of the home office fees will leave you destitute. But he's spending £400 a month on sending money home.

You have the money to cover the fees (it would take less than a year to save for them if he stopped sending money home) but he can't do that and continue sending money home.

Other people might spend that £400 on something frivolous and he isn't, I understand that, but that doesn't change the fact you can afford the fees. Just not if he continues to spend £400 elsewhere each month.