Homeoffice fees

[Lucky2shoes]

Dp is on limited leave to remain and we are so upset at what it's going to cost to renew for another 2.5 years. It's in the region of £4500. We both feel like our lives are wrecked and I feel like there is no point in my life anymore. I'm on zero hour contract as I'm unwell due to autism/adhd plus other conditions I can't work more hours and dp is full-time minimum wage we are not entitled to any benefits.
On top of all of this dp has dependants although mostly grown up in his home country who put immense pressure on him to help financially due to poor earnings.
I don't know what to do about this situation but I feel like checking out of my life but I feel so bad for dp who is a very good person.

It wasn't racist. It was the truth.

Stop using racism as an excuse to cover the exploitation of this British lady..

Suella, is that you?
Im not saying she is not being exploited, Im saying the post I quoted WAS generally racist against economic migrants and that it is racist to tell people who pay taxes here to F* off to where they belong and to spend all their money they earn in THIS country. But if you are racist then just admit it without sugarcoting.

Hang on - he's old enough to have a dead wife and adult children, and has been in the UK for nearly 10 years, but STILL has no skills, cant drive, and cant find a job that pays more than NMW? I thought we were talking about a newly-arrived young person. You've been with him for 8 years and you can't speak any urdu, so you can't even get the gist of what he's saying to his family?

My opinion on the HO fees still stands, but I think this man is taking the piss out of you, OP. What does he actually bring to your ife except grinding poverty?

Hang on - he's old enough to have a dead wife and adult children, and has been in the UK for nearly 10 years, but STILL has no skills, cant drive, and cant find a job that pays more than NMW?

An alleged dead wife, PonyPatter44 - as you said OP can't communicate with the family - but yes, the same thought occurred to me

A difficult situation all round, but one which can be easily solved if she chooses

Edited for typo

it's hard but you need to prioritise him getting his ILR and then driving and so on. Set realistic goals/budgets for this, and definitely apply for a fee waiver.

TBH I can't imagine getting a waiver if he is voluntarily sending 400 quid abroad each month. The family will apply pressure, and probably have a bit of adjusting to do but your DP needs to set his boundaries, priorities and goals.

Even if everything he tells you is true, that doesn't mean he is not using you to try and sort out his issues. It's not your fee it's his and he has means to save and pay. I have friends in a similar situation both on low incomes, they have spent the 2 years since last extention saving and gathering their evidence for the next application later this year. They scrimp, plan and prepare as a team and went into their marriage with eyes open and a back up plan (although harder to get a spousal visa is the partners home country). He can afford to send money to his family so he has the means to afford the application, read the posts linked re sunk cost fallacy. You may not want to give up on him but you can. Try taking a step back and see what happens.

Whilst I can see where alot of you are coming from I feel it's distasteful to assume he's using me I realise this type of relationship makes people think and question that and unfortunately I feel our type of relationship is stereo typed. It really isn't a fact that the man is always using the woman although I'm aware that happens.
I do have vulnerabilities but my gut instinct is pretty good and I know my man isn't using me he is however a victim of his culture and the kind of person who wants to do right by everybody its his nature.
We obviously went into the relationship knowing we would have to pay fees to extend his visa but we have fallen foul of the homeoffice massively increasing the costs.
I hope you can keep a open mind on what I'm saying I can honestly say he isn't using me and I'm not deluded please don't think that.

OP, I've got a lot of sympathy for you as you are vulnerable, but honestly, if you don't get rid of him, this is going to be your life for good. He's practically illiterate if I remember correctly, he's never going to earn more than minimum wage, and he's supporting a large family in Pakistan with no intention of ever stopping. There's nothing else that anyone here can say, it's all in your hands.

For all it's worth, I don't think he's necessarily using you, he might be good to you, but he's not good for you.

@Lucky2shoes- so, a simple question:

Say you apply and get awarded pip, how would you spend it?

And if you think he's trying to do right by everyone, maybe it's time for him to wake up and grow up.
Because if he's not able to pay the fees, he will not stay in this country. He will not be able to financially support his family back home or give you emotional support. Somewhere HE has to take responsibility, not you.

OP, how old are his children? You mention in the first post that they are "mostly grown up", how old is that?

Had he not overstayed and then had to make a tenuous claim to stay (were there legal fees?) he might have avoided the fee increases and rule changes. Where is his sense of responsibility for this?

Children are 24 18 and 15

So he left a motherless child of 6 ish with no expectation of bringing them over to UK? Sorry but you seem very naive.

Children are often left with extended family when parents go away to work. This in itself is not unbelievable.

Not naive he wanted to provide for them due to conditions in home country

At your expense. He's playing the big man to them when he's really really not.

Is he really functionally illiterate? He could work on that for a start.

I can honestly say he isn't using me ...

Genuine question OP: what makes you so very sure? (And just choosing to believe it's not in his nature doesn't count)

Obviously the rest of us can't say that he definitely is or isn't, but you seem entirely convinced and I wondered why

But you are suggesting he abandoned young dependant children who had lost their mother in another continent, for over 8 years. He must have assumed there was a better life for him and in turn them in UK. Something does not add up.

Presumably even when faced with deportation, by living and working here illegally he chose not to return, If he was willing to leave them he may well you in time once he has ILTR and is no longer in need of your support for a visa.

with the best will in the world, OP, you are ignoring all the good advice and repeating your mantra about "your man" and your "gut instinct".

Be that as it may, you need to make hard decisions. And the first one is that he cannot send 400 quid to Pakistan if he wants to regularise his stay. TBH the fact that he's an overstayer is a bit of a clue about head-in-sand. And to be honest, i don't think the home office should give a monkey's if he has to leave the UK. He is on wobbly ground and all the protestations in the world won't move a civil servant's heart.

you need to be realistic here.

Realistically, unless he stops the payments, you can't afford the visa.

So he will probably pressure you into getting a loan. Which will be at a dreadful interest rate, if you can even get one due to your financial situation.

Or he will just illegally overstay again. Not telling his job that his visa has run out, and it depends if they check. But no chance of another job if he does get made redundant. So you'll have to cover everything. So would need to lie to get single person benefits.

Is it really worth it?

Jeez. You’re his meal ticket. And you know what he’s his families meal ticket. What a joke of a life for you!

He’s sending 140,000 rupees a month to Pakistan. Does no one work there? That’s a good amount of money in Pakistan.

He will never overstay again he has said this it's a awful life if you overstay.

And in 8 years of your partnership the question of bringing his 6, 9 and 16 year old (as at the beginning of the relationship) children to the UK has never been raised? Even though on a partner visa he'd be entitled to?
I don't think then there can be any ethical objection then to him sending money back home, if he had and still has underage children there. It is effectively child support.