My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Weddings are a total waste of money

165 replies

TheGenerousPHILAMPERIST · 26/01/2024 21:00

AIBU by tellig many people IRL that marraige is indeed a total waste of time and money these days?

If you have loads of cash and able to throw about 25/35 thousand, then you carry on.

However, lots of people get married and these days marriage is not what it was 30+ years ago and that is a fact.

Would you agree with me that money used to fund a marriage be it 25/35k or loads more or less is justifiable when most first-time buyers are struggling to get a deposit?

I of preach: Have a little party as this avoids the stress and strains of preparing for the big wedding bash. Save the money for your future and the future of your children and the rainy days, and or enjoy the money on destressing life etc.

But throwing it away in many cases on a marriage that may have failed before it started, whats the point?

We had a big bash as did our children and thankfully we are still together.

Of course, it's your choice and I wish you a happy and long life of bliss together. However, I would be honest if the aforementioned did not come with a caveat of, many marriages are destined to fail, so save your money to make a happier and easier life for yourselves and your children.

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

469 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
50%
You are NOT being unreasonable
50%
Oakbeam · 26/01/2024 22:36

Crazycatlady79 · 26/01/2024 22:31

So, you had big wedding parties, as did your DC, but you're on here advising everyone to do the opposite?
Okay...

I don’t see what is wrong with that. I can think of several things I would do differently with the benefit of hindsight.

Report
baileybrosbuildingandloan · 26/01/2024 22:37

Well my son and DIL had a fabulous wedding for £1k total so it depends how you do it.

Report
CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 26/01/2024 22:40

Well whether it's a waste is so subjective, it's only a waste if the person spending it considers it a waste.

I enjoy going to weddings. But I'd never have spent lots on one for myself. Ours was about £1,000 total, mainly covering the fees for the ceremony etc, and a lunch out for a handful of friends afterwards. Of course, some people would consider that a waste of money, because it could have been done cheaper (mid-week ceremony, just two witnesses, no meal). I personally don't consider it to have been a waste of money, and don't have any negative opinions on people who choose to spend more.

Report
fuckssaaaaake · 26/01/2024 22:41

We spent a lot on our wedding but had a house already and walks my spend what we couldnt afford. Yes it's a waste of money to some but we didn't think that or we wouldn't have done it. Each to their own no?

Report
BatteryPowerGnat · 26/01/2024 22:48

DH and I got married 3 years ago (cancer diagnosis) after 36 years together.
We spent less than £500 (giving notice, rings, dress for me, ceremony and certificates). There was no reception as it was during a lockdown and he his first radiotherapy session that afternoon. It was just us an our adult DC.

Report
Health47 · 26/01/2024 22:48

TheGenerousPHILAMPERIST · 26/01/2024 22:16

Valid comments and fair comments based on my postings that are open and honest.

However, as per my OP, the point I make possibly not clearly enough is: In this day and age too many people want everything and forget about life, paying bills, buying and looking after a property, paying for their children's clothing, school trips, school dinners, education, keeping the humble car road legal, repairing the roof, then boiler, decorating, replacing a broken washing machine, being able to manage being out of work for a few months having a spell of bad luck/health etc - no one should live hand to mouth and have serval thosand in savings always if you are going to be spending big on a wedding but sadly as I said, I've seen people borrow money for the big even and then a big honeymoon and the marriage is over with a couple of years or sooner


I would not be honest if I went around saying have a great, big wedding bash when I knew they couple were struggling, wanting to buy a property, have children etc

I've seen and heard of many couples falling out due to fincial l difficutlies and or working long hours and stress - all leads to in many cases unhappy people and broken homes - so save the money and use it to make your life and the life of your children easier - by all means spend, spend, spend if that is what you want when you are relatively financially secure. But tis your choice as only you can decide

I actually agree with that but in the OP that really didn’t come across. I don’t see why anyone would get a loan and spend thousands they haven’t got if they are struggling already. I spent around £20,000 but each month of our 3 year engagement I put money aside into savings, so once the wedding had taken place we could look forward to starting the marriage and I would imagine knowing you’ve got thousands to pay back after the wedding would take some of the joy out of it (not for everyone but for me it would)

Report
thedancingparrot · 26/01/2024 22:52

Weddings are a bit like Christmas- you could go all out for one day and spend thousands or you could do something low key and more intimate. Depends what you can afford and prepared to fork out. Both events can be a hotbed of family disputes & sometimes regret.

Report
Charlie2121 · 26/01/2024 22:57

I find weddings tedious and I do everything I can to avoid them.

Some people love them although I often struggle to wonder how banal their day to day life must be if a wedding is a highlight.

I don’t a close extended family so maybe that’s a factor.

Report
mrsbyers · 26/01/2024 22:59

I love being married , our wedding was quite modest and paid for by my parents but I agree spending huge amounts that could be used as house deposits etc is ridiculous as is starting off married life with a load of debt from one day

Report
Mirabai · 26/01/2024 23:06

Rangelife · 26/01/2024 21:27

We spent 6k on our wedding 6 months ago. I don't regret a penny of it. I loved planning it, DH made my dress and he loved making it, I loved all the colourful embroidery detail we wove through the day, loved seeing my DC all dressed up, all my family & friends looking so made up for us, the glorious weather. The cake was beautiful, the photos are ace, my son's band playing for us was wonderful, for once in my life I didn't deny myself and spent money on looking good (I'm usually a scruff). I looked beautiful (hard for me to say that) and DH looked amazing, we look so happy.

It was special to me. I don't give a fuck if people sneer at it, it sustains me thinking about it. I'll treasure the memories until the day I die. This is my second marriage (my first was awful, including the wedding & left me with broken bones) I wouldn't swap the experience for anything, even if DH leaves me in the future, I've loved having a wedding and a relationship that was good and I liked celebrating that. Shoot me. It wasn't a waste.

Is your DH an elf?

Report
marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 26/01/2024 23:08

At the end of the day it's a legal ceremony and a party. Focus on that, keep
It cheap, and there shouldn't be a problem. I wouldn't spend a fortune on a wedding and we didn't. We had a registry service then a small family meal, plus an evening party at home.

Report
KreedKafer · 26/01/2024 23:16

AIBU by tellig many people IRL that marraige is indeed a total waste of time and money these days?

Regardless of your views on weddings, YABU to bang on at other people about it. It’s none of your business what they spend their money on, so pipe down and stop pontificating. There’s nothing more tedious.

DP and I aren’t married - we’ve been together 21 years and I’ve zero interest in a wedding. If we ever did get married it wouldn’t involve guests, not even family. I would HATE to have a ‘proper’ wedding. But I don’t go telling other people that they shouldn’t have one because it’s got nothing to do with me and I’m not a twat.

Report
easylikeasundaymorn · 26/01/2024 23:21

"and these days marriage is not what it was 30+ years ago and that is a fact."

You're right - both the total number of divorces and the % of divorces per marriages are significantly LOWER now than they were in 1984.

Which suggests marriages are better, and people MORE committed now than they were 30 years ago. Which I don't think is the point you were trying to make?
https://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2010/jan/28/divorce-rates-marriage-ons
https://www.statista.com/statistics/281568/divorce-rate-great-britain/

Report
Zonic · 26/01/2024 23:23

You can pull off a decent wedding without spending ££££ I would not spend ££££ on a sit down meal for people a good Buffet presented nicely will do . Stuff like table decorations can be picked up cheaply enough secondhand

Report
OllyBJolly · 26/01/2024 23:33

Having our families together for the last time made the money spent on my wedding well worth it. My family live all over the globe and getting them all together (nearly) with my in-laws was a unique occasion. The memories are priceless.

People make the effort for weddings that they don't for other occasions. Having said that, I wouldn't advise anyone to spend more than they can afford.

Report
Ella31 · 27/01/2024 00:39

We bought our home before our wedding but we definitely spent a good chunk on our big day and I wouldn't change a thing. It was wonderful, I'd do it all over again. We worked hard to be able to afford it, and had to postpone due to covid, so I have no regrets.

Report
Nottodaty · 27/01/2024 00:50

We had a small wedding less than £1k. Feedback was always it was a lovely day, very simple , we had 50 close family & friends & the local pub for free let us use one part of the pub, buffet lunch. Evening the pub already had a DJ so people could either stay or go home later afternoon. It suited us as people but wouldn’t judge what ever people want!

I never really fussed about marriage. But understood the legal side - I’m still not fussed as we both bring in equally to the marriage - though with 2 maternity leave I’m only just now catching up career & pay wise with him.

Report
thebestinterest · 27/01/2024 01:13

They are not a waste of time but they can certainly be a waste of money.

We spent a total of $5k for our destination wedding and the majority of that money went on providing damn good food and wine for our 60 guests ♥️

on the contrast, I attended a lavish nuptial in a very posh zip code in US that was over $700k! Can’t remember the food, but I do remember feeling bored for most of it.

Report
KarenNotAKaren · 27/01/2024 01:13

I have to say I LOVE a wedding and despite the MN mantra that ‘the best wedding I ever went to was one in a ditch where we drank puddle water and the bride wore a 50p nightie from Scope’, expensive weddings are better. They just are.

However…I do love to celebrate a loved one’s marriage but I do get disgruntled when the expensive wedding (which usually goes hand in hand with expensive hen and stag do’s, require expensive wedding gifts etc, not to mention the cost of outfits, babysitters hotels, drinks on the day etc) ends in divorce very quickly. Last time we went to a big wedding we spent around £1,200 between everything I’ve listed and the B&G seperated 9 months later. Same happened the previous year. It did piss me off that so many people shelled out a fortune for a couple who MUST have been on the rocks but were quite happy to have the showy-off party at everyone else’s expense and theirs

Report
thebestinterest · 27/01/2024 01:16

afkonholidaynearleek · 26/01/2024 21:17

We spent £12k on our wedding for 90 people last year. I organised all of it, and it was wonderful for me and my DH. A third of the budget was food, but it was so good that I didn't mind. Open bar, too. The leftovers fed our extended family for a week.

Before you ask why 90 people - my close family is 40. We couldn't not have a big wedding!

Sound similar to mine! Pretty much all the money for our wedding went on food and wine, which people still talk about to this day!!!

Report
RobertaFirmino · 27/01/2024 01:22

I had a £200 job and wore a £50 dress from Debenhams. Spent a fortune on the honeymoon instead.

Report
WandaWonder · 27/01/2024 01:34

It's not the money people spend it is the drama people create over weddings, arrange an event invite people, people turn up then leave jobs done

By why the need for all this angst and soap opera 'it had to be everything I say or it's all ruined and I will throw my toys out of the pram'

It can't be a perfect day as perfect doesn't exist and if you need to be that much the centre of attention then you may have othet issues more important than which candle to use

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

MCOut · 27/01/2024 01:35

OP you are living on planet out of touch.

People younger than you are struggling, because unlike you were, they were not established financially when they had to struggle through two financial crises, brexit, a pandemic and the cost of living crisis. Added to that wages have fallen in real terms, working age benefits have been cut and the price of housing has skyrocketed. I’m sure weddings have caused the least of most young couples financial worries.

But you go on thinking it’s because they’re extravagant if you’d like.

Report
CuntyMcBollocks · 27/01/2024 03:29

You think every couple spends 25/30K on a wedding OP? Where the hell did you get that number from? Ours cost about £300 in total, which is a HUGE difference from 30K. Still going strong years later. Yes, admittedly SOME may spend that, but that doesn't mean everyone does like you're insinuating.

Report
pregnancymakesmeeatapples · 27/01/2024 03:32

EggTheFirst · 26/01/2024 21:03

What? DH and I spent £3k on our wedding, at that point we owned a house and some rentals with plenty in the bank.

Yeah, who knows someone spending 25 to 35k on a wedding......

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.