My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Weddings are a total waste of money

165 replies

TheGenerousPHILAMPERIST · 26/01/2024 21:00

AIBU by tellig many people IRL that marraige is indeed a total waste of time and money these days?

If you have loads of cash and able to throw about 25/35 thousand, then you carry on.

However, lots of people get married and these days marriage is not what it was 30+ years ago and that is a fact.

Would you agree with me that money used to fund a marriage be it 25/35k or loads more or less is justifiable when most first-time buyers are struggling to get a deposit?

I of preach: Have a little party as this avoids the stress and strains of preparing for the big wedding bash. Save the money for your future and the future of your children and the rainy days, and or enjoy the money on destressing life etc.

But throwing it away in many cases on a marriage that may have failed before it started, whats the point?

We had a big bash as did our children and thankfully we are still together.

Of course, it's your choice and I wish you a happy and long life of bliss together. However, I would be honest if the aforementioned did not come with a caveat of, many marriages are destined to fail, so save your money to make a happier and easier life for yourselves and your children.

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

469 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
50%
You are NOT being unreasonable
50%
Shortbreadfingerss · 26/01/2024 21:58

I’m not sure why you started the thread? Not everyone borrows money for their wedding, we didn’t and we already own a house that’s plenty big enough. Bluntly, you can’t dictate how anyone spends their money!

Report
MrsSucculent · 26/01/2024 21:59

I had a bloody lovely wedding and don’t regret it at all. It’s a party, parties are never pointless. Family, friends, fun, memories, tears of laughter and joy. I’d do it all again tomorrow.

Report
Suddha · 26/01/2024 21:59

Expensive weddings puzzle me enormously. I know people who don’t even own a house, or who live in a crappy little terrace with no garden, and they spent 30k on a wedding. Like, why wouldn’t you spend it on getting a nice place to live that you can enjoy for years to come? Madness.

Report
LorlieS · 26/01/2024 22:00

We had a tiny wedding five days before Christmas. 17 guests in total, including myself and hubby. It was the best day ever and we don't regret a thing ♥️

Report
Rachie1973 · 26/01/2024 22:04

I don’t much care how other people choose to spend their own money.

To those of you having a BIG wedding I say, I hope you have an amazing day and a wonderful life.

To those having a small one….. I echo the same sentiments.

Report
2024namechange · 26/01/2024 22:04

Only a waste of money if you haven’t got it and aren’t settled in other areas. SILs friend spend £10k on an engagement loan by taking out a loan and they rent!!

DH and I already owned our house and my parents paid for most of it, which they could afford so why not?

Report
NewYearOldMe2024 · 26/01/2024 22:04

A wedding is a very expensive party where you are surrounded by your friends and are the centre of attention. So much fun.

Ours was eons ago but we had a blast and are still happily married.

If you don't bankrupt yourself having one and you want to do it then why not? It's when people can't afford what they want, cut corners, upset guests because of it and get into debt that they become pointless.

Report
Wadermellone · 26/01/2024 22:07

We had a big bash as did our children and thankfully we are still together

So you did it and it’s fine. Unless they are in their 60s you don’t know that their marriages will work. How many years do you need to be married, for it to be ok to have had a big party?

How long have your kids being married?

No one knows if it’s going to work at the time they ar planking a big wedding. Just like you didn’t. But you got lucky.

I don’t know anyone who got into massive debt to get married. But I don’t see how getting into debt for a wedding is worse than getting into debt for other reasons. Loads of people get into debt for all sorts of reasons. What makes weddings debt worse than other frivolous debt?

Report
Polis · 26/01/2024 22:11

I don’t consider my wedding a waste of money. It was a massive party and I still consider it one of the best days of my life.

It cost around five times less than 25-35k. Both of us already owned houses and we could easily afford what we spent on it without any borrowing.

Report
TheGenerousPHILAMPERIST · 26/01/2024 22:16

Health47 · 26/01/2024 21:56

If you had a big bash what makes you think anyone would care about your opinion on the matter. Sounds hypocritical tbh

Valid comments and fair comments based on my postings that are open and honest.

However, as per my OP, the point I make possibly not clearly enough is: In this day and age too many people want everything and forget about life, paying bills, buying and looking after a property, paying for their children's clothing, school trips, school dinners, education, keeping the humble car road legal, repairing the roof, then boiler, decorating, replacing a broken washing machine, being able to manage being out of work for a few months having a spell of bad luck/health etc - no one should live hand to mouth and have serval thosand in savings always if you are going to be spending big on a wedding but sadly as I said, I've seen people borrow money for the big even and then a big honeymoon and the marriage is over with a couple of years or sooner


I would not be honest if I went around saying have a great, big wedding bash when I knew they couple were struggling, wanting to buy a property, have children etc

I've seen and heard of many couples falling out due to fincial l difficutlies and or working long hours and stress - all leads to in many cases unhappy people and broken homes - so save the money and use it to make your life and the life of your children easier - by all means spend, spend, spend if that is what you want when you are relatively financially secure. But tis your choice as only you can decide

OP posts:
Report
Mariposistaaa · 26/01/2024 22:18

Massive showy weddings give me the ick. Especially when the B&G aren’t paying for it themselves. Or when they get married in church but don’t have a scrap of faith between them.

Report
TheGenerousPHILAMPERIST · 26/01/2024 22:19

Polis · 26/01/2024 22:11

I don’t consider my wedding a waste of money. It was a massive party and I still consider it one of the best days of my life.

It cost around five times less than 25-35k. Both of us already owned houses and we could easily afford what we spent on it without any borrowing.

A great exmaple of not throwing your money away and getting into debt or just a few k in the bank after a big event

I dont like organised event like weddings/large parties and prefer the informal setting where we have 10/20/30 family come around for a good chat/food and drink and no massive build up

OP posts:
Report
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 26/01/2024 22:20

I would not be honest if I went around saying have a great, big wedding bash when I knew they couple were struggling, wanting to buy a property, have children etc

Why do you think people care so much about your opinion?

If you come across in person as you do on here, with snooty ‘we could afford it, you can’t’ hypocrisy, they really won’t give a monkeys what you think either way.

Report
Ilovecleaning · 26/01/2024 22:20

Like other posters I find the wedding/marriage confusion a bit odd. At least get the word right!

Report
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 26/01/2024 22:21

I dont like organised event like weddings/large parties and prefer the informal setting where we have 10/20/30 family come around for a good chat/food and drink and no massive build up

So just say no to the invitations, rather than expecting other people to have smaller weddings because that’s what you prefer as a guest

Report
TheGenerousPHILAMPERIST · 26/01/2024 22:22

Rachie1973 · 26/01/2024 22:04

I don’t much care how other people choose to spend their own money.

To those of you having a BIG wedding I say, I hope you have an amazing day and a wonderful life.

To those having a small one….. I echo the same sentiments.

I do "care" about "how other people spend their money" especially if I know them. I didn't want anyone getting into debt, nor after the event be worried about money if they lost their job for a few weeks/months and not turn to payday loans to manage life as that often leads to a spiral of debt, stress, friction and often a breakdown of their relationship.

OP posts:
Report
garlictwist · 26/01/2024 22:23

Pacifybull · 26/01/2024 21:05

I got married for about £200. Marriage is definitely worth it. It gives you such a lot of legal and financial protection.

How? We are looking into getting married and the cheapest registry office slot is £480

Report
Frangipanyoul8r · 26/01/2024 22:23

There will always be people who care about image and being flashy and living beyond their means. These same people post a lot on social media. This is not “everyone”. Plenty of people have their heads screwed on and spend well within their means. I had a tiny cheap wedding and a lunch with a handful of family members. It was perfect.

Report
Ilovecleaning · 26/01/2024 22:25

I’m not sure what point you’re making, OP. Your post isn't really an AIBU thread, is it?

Report
DyslexicPoster · 26/01/2024 22:27

Been happily married for a long time and we self funded our big white wedding. My only regret was inviting about 100 people. We invited all of my dhs cousins of whome there are loads. But sadly we hardly ever see them any more. Good memories and it's what all the cousins did.

I think it would have more sensible to be smaller. But it's a happy memory

Report
Crazycatlady79 · 26/01/2024 22:31

So, you had big wedding parties, as did your DC, but you're on here advising everyone to do the opposite?
Okay...

Report
Orangeandgold · 26/01/2024 22:32

Marriage is fine.

A big wedding beyond your means isn’t clever. A friend of mine got married and her and her husband spent everything on a grand wedding and really struggled financially for the first year.

If you can afford it, go ahead - I love a good party. But it’s not worth it. It’s now acceptable to do something small and intimate anyway if you choose to celebrate your marriage with with a party.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Oakbeam · 26/01/2024 22:34

garlictwist · 26/01/2024 22:23

How? We are looking into getting married and the cheapest registry office slot is £480

Perhaps it was a while ago. I got once got married for £135 and that included £10 for each of the two witnesses.

It didn’t last.

Report
CJsGoldfish · 26/01/2024 22:34

I think that if you are waiting and waiting and complaining that you're not married because you can't afford the wedding then you probably shouldn't be getting married.
If the focus is on the party first and foremost and you're struggling to pay rent/mortgage, bills etc it really doesn't bode well
If you are an adult, living independently and expect someone else (ie parents) to foot the bill for your big party, then should you actually be getting married?

I kinda feel the same about 'engagement' parties. If you've been living together for years/have children etc, it's just a gift grab isn't it? It's in the same category as a wedding you can't afford. Just for show and whatever you get from it

If you can afford to put on the party you want without compromise your financial wellbeing, then go for it.

So yes, in many circumstances, a big wedding is just stupid. If you're living pay to pay and you're going to put any money you do manage to save/borrow towards a party or you actually won't get married without the big showy shindig I'm internally judging you hard 🤷‍♀️

Report
autienotnaughty · 26/01/2024 22:35

I got married 5 years ago. Our parents offered 3k each so we made our budget 6k. We had a lovely wedding in a beautiful hotel for around 70 people.

We paid £1.5k for our honeymoon. Our guests contributed the spending money.

We already had our house so we felt the 6k was worth it to have a family celebration

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.