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AIBU?

Weddings are a total waste of money

165 replies

TheGenerousPHILAMPERIST · 26/01/2024 21:00

AIBU by tellig many people IRL that marraige is indeed a total waste of time and money these days?

If you have loads of cash and able to throw about 25/35 thousand, then you carry on.

However, lots of people get married and these days marriage is not what it was 30+ years ago and that is a fact.

Would you agree with me that money used to fund a marriage be it 25/35k or loads more or less is justifiable when most first-time buyers are struggling to get a deposit?

I of preach: Have a little party as this avoids the stress and strains of preparing for the big wedding bash. Save the money for your future and the future of your children and the rainy days, and or enjoy the money on destressing life etc.

But throwing it away in many cases on a marriage that may have failed before it started, whats the point?

We had a big bash as did our children and thankfully we are still together.

Of course, it's your choice and I wish you a happy and long life of bliss together. However, I would be honest if the aforementioned did not come with a caveat of, many marriages are destined to fail, so save your money to make a happier and easier life for yourselves and your children.

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TheGenerousPHILAMPERIST · 26/01/2024 21:30

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 26/01/2024 21:00

Weddings are a waste of money. Marriage is nice I think!

Eloquently put!! You make valid points and I should have put that in my intial post on this thread. So, thank you.

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RubyWinehouse · 26/01/2024 21:30

You don't need a big flash wedding to get married, I'm getting married soon, just a small wedding, 2 witnesses and a handful of people back at our house for a few drinks, food and music.

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KissTheRains · 26/01/2024 21:31

It's been my unfortunate experience that people spending that much on a wedding often think that the wedding will fix issues in the relationship.
The people that have stayed together longest in my life were the ones that got married to be married, not married to have a wedding. Iyswim.

I won't ever get married again that's for sure.
I'm biased though, I am not pro marriage tbf.

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Bigearringsbigsmile · 26/01/2024 21:32

We spent a fortune on our WEDDING. We've been married 26 years and don't regret a penny. It was brilliant.
Our MARRIAGE is priceless.

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TheGenerousPHILAMPERIST · 26/01/2024 21:34

fulgrate · 26/01/2024 21:03

You mean weddings, right?

I do! lol, not that I want to marry you - sorry, as you said I meant 'Weddings' and NOT marriage but hopefully my posit is made in the OP.

Weddings are a total waste of moeny as you can easily celebrate a marraige as like some others have said, by spending what you would on a party.

I'll ask MNHQ to change the title - silly me, sorry!

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OneCornetto · 26/01/2024 21:37

We had a big bash as did our children and thankfully we are still together.

Why did you do that! Confused

You could have bought a bigger and better house or payed for private school or a pony.

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Dapbag · 26/01/2024 21:38

Why do you think spending money on a wedding is a waste of money but that spending that money on a party isn't? Also, despite thinking a wedding is a waste of money both you and your children had big weddings. Odd.

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AuntieMarys · 26/01/2024 21:39

Cost us fuck all. Got married in NYC just the 2 of us.

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EleMar · 26/01/2024 21:39

Also spent a fortune on our wedding (we could afford it). I absolutely love and adore my husband, we have a wonderful relationship and, as we love a good party, that was just a natural way to celebrate our relationship with our loved ones.

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HeadNW · 26/01/2024 21:42

I don’t judge others for doing what they want to do, but there isn’t a chance we would’ve spent tens of thousands on a wedding. We had a small, simple wedding and a lovely honeymoon and then saved our money for things that were more important to our lives together going forward.

Each to their own but I know I would’ve been gutted to wake up the day after what is essentially a party having spent 25k!

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Jk987 · 26/01/2024 21:45

Marriage does not always equal 'vital legal and financial protection'. Especially if you have more assets and a bigger salary.

Wills are important though.

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TheGenerousPHILAMPERIST · 26/01/2024 21:46

Dapbag · 26/01/2024 21:38

Why do you think spending money on a wedding is a waste of money but that spending that money on a party isn't? Also, despite thinking a wedding is a waste of money both you and your children had big weddings. Odd.

Edited

Hello. I was hoping in hope that my OP was clear, EG wedding often cost thousands, ours did more than 40 yrs ago and our children's wedding cost loads more and every wedding we've been to costs easily 15k - and therefore 'small parties party even a larger one does not often have the expense of a big wedding and is more informal and you often spend a fraction of the cost

I sincerely recommend people just get married with their parents there then have a party and parties I've been to many and massive ones, they never come close to the spends on wedding parties as often there is a build up to the wedding etc and extra costs, RR, Betly hire fr the day 1500, venue, 2k for half decent place, the waiters etc and video makers etc and entertainment on a large scale etc

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Dapbag · 26/01/2024 21:48

I still don't understand why you recommend something that you and your own children chose not to do.

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TheGenerousPHILAMPERIST · 26/01/2024 21:50

HeadNW · 26/01/2024 21:42

I don’t judge others for doing what they want to do, but there isn’t a chance we would’ve spent tens of thousands on a wedding. We had a small, simple wedding and a lovely honeymoon and then saved our money for things that were more important to our lives together going forward.

Each to their own but I know I would’ve been gutted to wake up the day after what is essentially a party having spent 25k!

I not asking anyone to "judge others." My post is clearly my observations and as per my OP, I will and do say that to family and friends but not once they are in the process of arranging a big wedding event.

It is their choice but with the massive spending on most weddings, I'd not be doing my bit if I did not say how I felt having seen a few marriage crashes within a couple of years of marriage and 20/40k down the drain

As you know some marriages still work but as per my OP, would it not be better to have a smaller mortgage, money for rainy days etc etc?

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CremeBrunette · 26/01/2024 21:51

Shortly before my second wedding anniversary, I sat in the church that I got married in at my grandma’s funeral. 4 months before that, I’d been at my grandad’s funeral. And 18 months before that I was sat in that same church again, this time at my aunt’s funeral. At my wedding, my aunt was celebrating because she was in remission. She was dead 3 months after my wedding. My wedding was the last time we were together as a family. It’s the last photos I’ve got of 3 of my family members. It cost us £10K and about £1800 was on photography. It was worth every Penny for my family to have a great time celebrating together. It was a wonderful moment to see how far the people we loved travel for us. We didn’t own at the time but completed on our first house just before our first anniversary (no inheritance). We had a plan and we spent what we could afford. Just because someone spends more than just the cost of the registry office, doesn’t mean it’s a waste.

Marriage is hugely valuable and you’re confusing the two.

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Passingthethyme · 26/01/2024 21:51

YABU, it was the best day ever to basically have a huge party with 130 of my closest friends and family. Costs loads, but no regrets. I would only spend as much as I could afford though, and wouldn't get into debt because of it. If you think this I don't think you've been to the right weddings! I love them

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innerdesign · 26/01/2024 21:51

Spent a lot on our wedding, had the money, didn't go into any debt, very happy with our decisions ✌️ had a great day and have been left with some lovely memories. Bought a 4 bed house the same year (after selling two properties), so no deposit concerns here. You don't get to dictate how other people spend their money. Value of money, or 'waste' is subjective

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Niallig32839 · 26/01/2024 21:52

I think unless anyone is asking you to pay for their wedding or for your opinion on the cost of their wedding then it’s absolutely unreasonable to tell people it’s a waste of money. Not your money, not your problem.

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OneCornetto · 26/01/2024 21:53

So 40 years ago you got married and it cost thousands and your children's weddings cost much more but you don't understand why people bother to get married and think they shouldn't?

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MCOut · 26/01/2024 21:53

I love a wedding. People are free to spend their money on whatever they wish. That being said the cost of wedding services have skyrocketed. People seem to always equate a high cost with wanting to create an Instagram perfect wedding, but sometimes a fairly standard wedding will still cost the Earth and it’s not necessarily the couples fault because they are restricted by the price of the vendors in the area they choose.

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RandomPoster456 · 26/01/2024 21:55

You’re not entitled to tell people how to spend their money and that it is a waste if it’s what makes them happy. YABU.

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elliejjtiny · 26/01/2024 21:55

I love a good wedding. We spent 4k on ours and we have been married nearly 20 years. We had a lovely wedding, although the honeymoon was better and I sometimes wonder whether it would have been better to have gone on our own to the registry office and spent the money on having another holiday the next year.

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TheGenerousPHILAMPERIST · 26/01/2024 21:55

Dapbag · 26/01/2024 21:48

I still don't understand why you recommend something that you and your own children chose not to do.

To be blunt - they, we could afford if. Having said that, our oldest who got married last of the three, we were pretty reserved with the spending - though it was a lovely hotel/venue, pre-wed party and wedding parties etc - we only spent half of what we spent on other children as house prices are high where we all live and the 20 odd k we saved on the big event.
We did, well I did coax them to something less swanky than they were aiming for but it was a good bash.

I see many people borrow money or spend money they could ill afford on big weddings - that is what I'm really against and marriages are not what they used to be.

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Health47 · 26/01/2024 21:56

If you had a big bash what makes you think anyone would care about your opinion on the matter. Sounds hypocritical tbh

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mondaytosunday · 26/01/2024 21:57

We spent upward of £25k 20 years ago. It was fantastic and great fun and we could afford it. I certainly don't think people should go in to debt over one though.

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