The dad privilege checklist

[Iis]

I saw this linked to on a Reddit thread and I see so many similar threads here I thought I’d share it. Many people advise to share with their husbands the blog post ‘my husband left his glass next to the dishwasher’ or something like this, but this may help as well.

If you don’t want to click an unknown link just google the dad privilege check list Zawn Villines.

https://zawn.substack.com/p/the-dad-privilege-checklist

For those of you saying you delegate. Remember you aren't a project manager, no one delegates to you.

Awwww, as well as an incel or two, the 'not my Nigels' are here, and so are the 'no one asked you have children' brigade.' Bless. As predictable as the sun setting in the west, is the 'not my Nigel' and 'your choice to have children ' comments on threads like this. And then of course, you have the posters claiming it's their EX who ticks many (or all) of these boxes. (Sure it's your EX.....)

@Iis Thank you for posting this. It is horrific, and much of it will resonate with MANY WIVES and MOTHERS!

As I said on a post yesterday, even now - in 2024, it feels (a lot of the time) that women are no further ahead than they were 100 years ago. Male privilege is as real and profound as it has always been!

Also, how in the name of FUCK do you not know you own CHILD'S BIRTHDAY?!!!!

My DH would get a few ticks, not many though because I trained him from the start, some of the training took very well, some is ongoing, one or two things I gave up on, easier to do myself so he gets a job that I don't want to do instead ( I hate cleaning the cat litter tray)

I agree on both fronts. I think there is a really true and good point here but also that they've oversized the pudding a bit. There's a lot on that list that no one at all in my house does and we seem to be getting on just fine without.

Lots of boxes ticked for my ex. The realisation of how much of that work I was doing led to me becoming a stay at home mum, then later I had part time jobs.

Now he’s an ex and I have no pension. I do have three lovely children who love me though. He doesn’t.

I didn’t ask him to clean, but when he did (on the grounds I hadn’t done it to his standards) he felt entitled to fill the home with his rage.

I don't know if this has been posted. Apologies if it has. It's funny because there's a big germ of truth in it.

("Magic coffee table")

You could try. You'd get your arse handed to you on a plate, though, and rightly.

Oh boy, people are so suspicious of women who can’t or don’t have children. Society hates them.

I think I'm here to make a 'not my Nigel' post. My husband doesn't fit any of that. Not every man is shit, but too many are.

YY to the rage cleaning.
And yet, once we divorced, the apartments he lived in were cess pits.

You could also argue that women are privileged because they have a longer life expectancy.

The point is, you can make up whatever horseshit you like and call it “privilege”, you don’t get to cherry pick what is and isn’t privilege.

I got the impression that the list was a composite from a large number of subscribers, and not meant to be a list that is applicable in every detail to every relationship.

Come on we've had the incel and not my novel thrown out someone give it the "cool wife" and "cocklodger" to complete the set.

It's a piss poor list by a piss poor writer who's started from the correct position of "society is quite shit towards women and expects fuck all of men domestically" but then used some ridiculous unrelatable examples to pad out a generic point that's been made countless times in better ways.

Disagreeing with their cackhanded and inaccurate way of butchering a self evident point doesn't mean you're going to bat for the patriarchy, it's just saying this idiot has made a shit list.

Sometimes I think "penis envy" is a massive projection, and the truth is that men are actually incredibly jealous of women. We do this one thing that they can't, and they simply can't get past it.

I note you're calling the idea of male privilege "made up/ horseshit" so maybe you're not a woman who has been on the receiving end of the fecklessness, the inability to provide any kind of support to another human being, or the sheer, unadulterated selfishness, arrogance, and entitlement.

Lucky you, if that's the case.

I felt a bit tearful reading that.

Argh I'm so triggered! And my DH has always been very hands on with our kids. It's so true though. As much as I love and appreciate everything my DH does, he can just care free enjoy being super dad for the most menial things where I'm doing the bulk of it and being judged left right and centre...and constantly judging myself for not being good enough even though I know I'm putting in 110%.

Definitely touched a nerve there😄

"Unrelatable examples"? Quite a few posters here have recognised the failures of men who once promised to love, honour, and cherish them onnthst list.

If a point has been made countless times before, maybe that's because it's true and the problem is ongoing.

If you personally don't relate to the examples, perhaps consider the possibility that you are a very lucky woman.

Assuming you are a woman, of course.

I never really understand the mental load posts on here. It takes so little bandwidth to order a birthday present off Amazon or book a opticians/dentist appointment. Really not worth stressing about imo.

We're pretty even, maybe 60/40.

Seriously? You must all have some pretty shit husbands

But why would you get together with anyone who wasn't going to be an equal partner?

Hmm we tick a couple of those because I’m a SAHM so pretty fair tbh. Having said that I have to check with Dh what shoe size my DD is and he book’s appointments for her and takes her to them, pitches in with tidying up after Dd gone to bed, does a lot of nights with he etc etc .Tbf he comes out of this pretty well but he’s a competent adult.

Thank you for posting this OP 😪💔

I do know an exception to this rule. My friends DH is arguably a better and more hands on parent than my friend. He sorts out a lot of the school stuff, cooks, cleans, ferries the kids to and from school and is generally more hands on with everything.
They both work full time but she’s always taken more of a back seat while he does the running around. Unusual mind you!

i think load of old nonsense - you can have a much more equal relationship than that. I am in unusual position of being WOHM DH is stay at home dad so I have a lot of those priviliges. But you should examine them a bit, I think if that is your life you are a bit of a chump.