To think there is no nice and easy way to say this

[AmIThatMam]

My daughter is overweight, medically but obviously- as in visually it’s obvious.
she carries her weight round her middle (like me- so I do sympathise) but when I was her age (9) I wasn’t overweight.
she is very active so it’s not that.
she overeats, simple as. She steals food from the kitchen. ( we now rarely have any ‘treats’ because she will sneak in and eat them) but she will just eat whatever is there, snacks for school- malt loaf, yoghurt biscuits, breadsticks. Then barely touches her balanced dinner.
i have had conversations with her - never mentioned weight- about eating healthy and balance. About her activities and if she wants to be strong she needs to eat a balanced diet. She agrees each time but carries in the same.
ive confronted her more firmly when I’ve found packets in her room. Sometimes it’s packets from else where so I’m guessing she gets food from kids at school?!
is it time to tell her she’s overweight or is that never going to be a good idea?

I remember simply tell her child, ‘stop crap. You’re bored. Find something else to do.’ You could the penny drop in the child’s expression. The mum knew well enough to be direct was ok.

Stop eating crap

This is excellent advice

OP I know you you are going to be feeling under attack - it takes a lot to ask this kind of question on here - but you are having a go at people who are trying to help.
Several posters now have tried to explain about the sugars and carbs in these snacks. Stop being defensive, and try and take it on board.

Thank you! I’ve just read it back and was worried it didn’t make sense. I’m ill with some kind of virus so my brain and typing weren’t matched up properly!😂

Oh, and yes, I agree with you. The hysteria over a bit of Soreen!🙈

@AmIThatMam does your dd have additional needs?

@AmIThatMam Hi OP, one thing that keeps me from snacking is a high protein breakfast. things like cereal (be it even wheetabix or muesli) can cause a glucose spike and slump and increases hunger later. I would give her two eggs in the morning to increase satiety. and ensure she has a good hunk of protein at each meal. she is 9, so could it be hormonal? she could be on her way to starting her period early?

could you have some leftovers prepped for her in the fridge she could it as soon as she gets in rather than other snacks?

I wouldn't come out and talk about her weight, but maybe she snacks all the time because she is bored.

Think about keeping her occupied between the end of school and dinner, e.g. Homework and an afterschool club or activity or sport. By the time dinner comes around she will be hungry and eat her full meal

@GingerIsBest thank you so much for your reply. After the first reply I got I really thought I’m just an awful person and I’m going to get dragged. Thank you for your understanding, I’m going to read your comment again and make some action points. Thank you x

It is not ignoring it. Telling a child they are over weight is asking for a shit show of eating disorders - if she doesn’t already heave one.

Not sure whether it’s been said earlier in the thread but what sort of portion size does she have for her main meal? Is it the same as an adult portion? Is it piled on her plate?

At nine a largish side plate is big enough. In fact the best thing is a plate with compartments or images. It will help her and you visualise a healthy portion size. It might not be the snacks after all.

https://elht.nhs.uk/services/dietetics/examples-portion-plates-food-servings

From someone who has no idea how to handle this situation, can I ask why it’s not ok to sensitively approach the conversation and check in with the child to see how they feel?

If the child is aware, and if it is bothering them, wouldn’t a parent being able to speak to them be helpful so they can work together on it?

This! We make frittata with a tub of cottage cheese, 6 eggs and pack with veg like spinach, tomatoes, spring onion then season, cheese on top and bake. I make them every couple of days and Keep in the fridge. We eat this in 4 portions and it keeps me from wanting loads of sugary stuff.

Personally I would focus less on calorie content of the snacks and look at their composition. For example a handful of nuts might contain more calories that a couple of breadsticks or a small slice of malt loaf, but the nuts will be more satisfying (higher protein), and less likely to lead to weight gain due to the impact on blood sugar from processed carbs.

but she will just eat whatever is there, snacks for school- malt loaf, yoghurt biscuits, breadsticks

Then stop her. You're responsible for her. Are you honestly expecting a 9 year old to have the self discipline to avoid these snacks that have been designed by enormous corporations, with enormous budgets for research to find out exactly how to formulate recipes and advertising, purely to get this crap into human mouths? Take responsibility for her.

I’d be ravenous and shaky an hour after malt loaf or yoghurt biscuits, that sort of snack sends my blood sugar crazy for some reason.

I think if you prioritised protein (hummus? Mini babybel? Handful of nuts), veg sticks and a small bit of fruit after school you’d find it easier. Good luck:)

@Nttttt I love the sound of your diet! Sounds delicious.

The snacks may be calorific, but I think it's very unfair to call them unhealthy. Yoghurt, breadsticks and malt loaf are quite healthy as snacks go. When eaten moderately, one filling snack between meals is fine.

From this, and from your previous response to another poster about having been overweight yourself in the past, I’m going to guess it’s a) partly genetic and b) partly anxiety on your part and c) a bit about actual diet.

My previously whip-thin eldest changed a lot from 10 onwards. Puberty and pre-puberty changes, coupled with not having as much control over their diets, is a tricky time. It makes you anxious as a mother, as a woman, because girls get judged a lot more than boys. And they all change at different rates and different body types are prone to store fat differently. It’s hard to know when to panic (hint: never, it won’t help) and when to just hold your nerve (this is better, be in it for the long haul).

Ultimately everyone is right that you have to change things for the whole family and that sucks to be honest but it’s the only way. So stop buying packaged snacks for everyone - real food only. Do not mention weight at all. Give up fizzy drinks if that’s an issue. Watch portion sizes and subtly increase veg. Do not mention weight.

She’ll keep changing. Your job is to hold fast the loving approach of a healthy home food environment, as she gets older and then into her teens and makes more of her own choices. Don’t panic, but do act - change things up at home in terms of what’s on offer even if it’s a bit of a ballache and gets a bit of resistance.

We all love a malt loaf, with butter (yum!), but it’s a pretty occasional treat rather than always available. Everyone adjusts.

I’ve been through something similar, not identical, with DS. He’s now 16yo. I wouldn’t say we’ve conquered it, but we are a much better place. It was so much easier in primary school, when I knew exactly what he had access to, it’s much harder when they’re in secondary school and have access to a tuck shop, corner shop on the way home from school etc.

I pared everything right back. Only cereal for breakfast, or egg and soldiers. He took a packed lunch, so I knew what he was having. We had dinner earlier, and had only fruit or jogger for pudding on weekdays. I started having low reserves so that he thought twice about helping himself to a massive glass of milk.

I introduced Friday night and Saturday night nuts or chocolate. Got him involved in choosing. We all had the same - I bought a multipack for us to have one each. If it was something like a box of maltesers, I put each person’s portion in a little bowl to control quantity. Just water or squash, no juice in the house. Ice lollies when it was hot, not ice creams. Again, I got him involved in choosing what to buy for the freezer.

In terms of meal content, I upped the protein massively, dropped the carbs and upped the veg content of every meal.

It was really important to me not to make it really obvious what was going on. I ended up spending more on food overall, despite not buying snacks, so that meals were extra tasty and interesting and lots of variety.

im pretty sure that I started at this time of year, and by the summer I could see that he’d lost weight, or probably just stayed the same but had grown a little.

Thank you!!! I do find it a lot harder to stick to when I’m not on maternity leave so have to usually really prep everything but I’m so hungry all the time I have to have 3 cooked meals or I’m straight for the chocolate 😂

OP said yoghurt biscuits not yoghurt.

This is it. This approach.

Ok, but it's not like she's eating ice cream and crisps. I don't think this hysteria around snacks is going to help at all. If they're eliminated completely, she'll just want them more. Issues like this go deeper.