To think there is no nice and easy way to say this

[AmIThatMam]

My daughter is overweight, medically but obviously- as in visually it’s obvious.
she carries her weight round her middle (like me- so I do sympathise) but when I was her age (9) I wasn’t overweight.
she is very active so it’s not that.
she overeats, simple as. She steals food from the kitchen. ( we now rarely have any ‘treats’ because she will sneak in and eat them) but she will just eat whatever is there, snacks for school- malt loaf, yoghurt biscuits, breadsticks. Then barely touches her balanced dinner.
i have had conversations with her - never mentioned weight- about eating healthy and balance. About her activities and if she wants to be strong she needs to eat a balanced diet. She agrees each time but carries in the same.
ive confronted her more firmly when I’ve found packets in her room. Sometimes it’s packets from else where so I’m guessing she gets food from kids at school?!
is it time to tell her she’s overweight or is that never going to be a good idea?

No , these are not heavy and stodgy . These are meals kids were bought up with in the 60s and 70s, and the kids were thin. The difference is the kids didn’t have all those snacks

I haven’t RTFT but I would check-in to see if she’s happy. I binge ate as a child because I was desperately unhappy (undiagnosed depression).

If it’s not unhappiness, then you need to just take practical steps like not having sugary snacks in the cupboards because some children are just greedier than others and need stricter rules.

I would eliminate everything that's ultra processed from the house. Then if she's snacking on real food, at least it's nutritious and fueling her well. Malt loaf and yogurt biscuits are ultra processed, and very low in any nutrients. She might find less of an urge to snack on the real food, as it's not designed to be addictive like the processed snacks are.

The other massive difference is that kids walked to and from school and played out a lot.

A lot of children now are far more sedentary.

Can you head it off at the pass? For example if u meet her from school ( domt know if u do or not ) have a hi protein snack ready to give her? Can you sit with her after school with a snack?
maybe adjust meal time if she eats before .
i had a rule with my kids for snacks which was fruit first. They were not allowed a snack until they had had a fruit one. It worked well . Do u think you could approach it from a review of the family eating habits and about health not weight .
also that you acnt afford not to have meals wasted so work together as a famiky is needed on this one .

I think that the snacks she is getting for herself may be addictive ones ( like crisps..) .. they give u a hit .. then a dip so you want more ..
so it’s easily done . ( ive had 3 packets of crisps today after having non since c mas !)

When are you making her tea? My IDs used to be absolutely starving when they got home from school so I would have their tea on the table ready, fruit for snacks then supper. Is she getting enough to eat when she has meals? I would have fruit in for snacking on.

Also - does she have hobbies and intrests? My kids used to graze when at a loose end .

what about natural pop corn ( the type you cook / pop y self - takes ages to eat and u can control the amount of sugar on them ) . This could be for treats.

OP, you seem reluctant to reconsider your options in terms of the snacks you provide at home. I'm not sure why this is, other than your focus on calories alone. Some of the suggestions for healthy snacks have been really good, so I hope you will give some of them a go. My favourite snack is frozen blueberries straight out of the freezer - like eating an ice lolly, but much healthier and nicer.

Would eating her well-balanced dinner you make her earlier help? Ad she sounds hungry earlier.

Do not tell her she is overweight. My dd has anorexia someone called her fat she held onto that and is very ill now. My son is 5 he is constantly snacking he is slim but kids get hungry after school. Like others say buy other snacks to eat and let her be aware it’s fine to have crisp and chocolate but not all the time. It’s a fine balance you should not tell children food is unhealthy just that it is all a balance. Excersize is also important for the mental as well as physical health but also not the point when it becomes an obsession to be thin.

Look at the calories per 100g.
Soreen is 300kcal. Yoghurt biscuits 400kcal (and 35g sugar). Apple 56kcal. Egg 131kcal.
She's getting a lot of calories in a tiny amount of food.

Stop obsessing about calories. She and you don’t need those snacks. Want probably but they are not keeping her full they are empty calories.

Maybe I'm naive, and I haven't children that age since the 90s, but I find it hard to believe that DD is getting all those extra calories from kids at school. The stuff is in OP's house. It has to go.

Exactly. People running ultramarathons eat malt loaf it’s sugary and calorie dense. Instant energy , not what a child needs.

For goodness sake the OP is serving up perfectly acceptable meals. Her other children are not overweight so stop piling on about the odd snack.

I would make sure first that this is not emotional eating or connected to something like undiagnosed ADHD or ASD which can affect eating habits.

Can you bring tea forward so she eats her main meal? Serve fruit or carrots and hummus when she gets back from school and say it is because she is not eating her dinner not because she is overweight.

Sounds like she is already active so that is good.

Does she drink enough water as some people mistake thirst signals for hunger?

Have you investigated gut biome.. I remember watching a program on BBC1 about a young man who was overweight his parents were convinced he was over eating - he was not..

His biome was making his healthy food make him gain weight. They fed him oats with apple and cinnamon in and he lost weight (his Biome improved).. that was the only difference

I know you are saying your LO snacks, but the biome can encourage you to do that too.. HTH

@Crikeyisthatthetime some comments are rude and unnecessary. It’s not hard to be respectful. Some people aren’t trying to help, they want to stick the boot in. It does take a lot to ask for help even from random strangers on the internet. Thank you for your comment but please don’t defend people who are just making nasty snarky remarks, I am taking on board what people are saying and accept that I am thinking more interns of healthier’lower calories’ snacks rather than thinking that actually these are not good foods for children to snack on. Lots of people have said the same but in a nicer way and I have thanked them.

I agree, have stuff like carrot sticks and boiled eggs for snacks rather than malt loaf. Look at how much exercise you do as a family, long bike rides are good calorie burners. I hear what you’re saying about the malt loaf being only 90 calories but it will cause a sugar spike and more sugar cravings……high protein stuff will fill her up more. The same with the meals you’re cooking, sausages, chips, mash even with veg isn’t the best. Chicken is better than sausages, look at lentils, pulses, loads of veg/salads.

I was told I was fat around that age, wasn’t really bothered and didn’t really understand. My parents were actually quite good at that saying it was puppy fat. It was when I was about 14 when boys at school made some comments they really hit me. Looking back I probably wasn’t even that big, you’re still developing at that age. I did all the sports, every lunch and after school. But, I would always have unhealthy snacks. Mum always cooked us a normal homemade dinner.

My parents always commented on other people’s weight (despite not being thin themselves), and I think this is what affected me, coupled with the comments from children at school.

When the comments were made, I started cutting back, I used to barely eat my dinner and no snacks, it was amazing how the weight slipped off and I became more popular at school. It was addictive. I was thin, but thankfully never took it too far despite having friends who we competitively underate with.

I still struggle with my body, thin or fat. I think pregnancy was the only time I was happy with it as it was out of my control and I was housing a child.

Don’t be too harsh in her, don’t say anything, especially in a round about way. Just ditch the snacks, and focus on other things like playing or seeing things. Don’t make good a thing.

She’s young enough to not be affected yet by people’s comments.

The snacks you’ve mentioned aren’t really low calorie.

3 normal meals a day

breakfast- porridge and fruit

lunch- whatever they have at school

tea- what you mention but minus the sausage and gammon because it’s full of nitrates and not good

Snacks of fruit, yoghurt- not low fat but good quality Greek yoghurt or natural yoghurt, or ryvita and tuna, sweetcorn- that kind of thing

Focus on healthy, natural food and the rest will follow- but obviously don’t talk about weight as it’s counter productive

DC will hoover up junk food (or the quick options that anre more processed) and sweets if they are in the house. I have got it under control by having much less of it in the house. The main thing that worked for us is having a healthy meal or vege snack plate ready as soon as they come in.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing yes I think you’ve hit the nail on the head there. I’m not stupid (I don’t think!) but I have this wrong. Thank you

Doctors and nurses tell kids they’re overweight, I think you should tell her gently. ‘Dd your age 9 clothes are tight on you because you’re eating all of these snacks. Do you always feel hungry? Is it because you’re bored? What can I do to help?’
If she’s active and stealing food there’s got to be an issue, whether that’s a medical issue where she doesn’t feel full or an emotional issue where she’s comfort eating.

There's not much point in low calorie snacks if they don't fill you up. Better to have 200 calories of cheese than 4x 95 cal low fat chocolate bars and still be hungry. I think the key thing is to work out what she likes (filling nutritious food) that will keep her full to dinner and give her a plate of stuff like that when she comes in.

@NoSquirrels thank you x