To ask if you work or are a SAHP..

[DontBeTight]

Just that really, those of you who have children under school age. Do you work, or do you stay at home? Or work part time? My youngest won't start school until 2026 so I'm considering giving up work and having the rest of the time full time at home with her as my income makes very little difference to the household.

Those who stay at home, do you enjoy it?

I disagree but assuming you're a SAHM, I think it's normal to think that whichever ''side'' you are on, you think that is the one that gets the most hostile comments and I include myself in that.

I'm talking generally too, I feel like the comments are far more harsh. I was called sick for putting my baby in nursery on a thread like this one, as an example.

Because when other people do things differently to them they take it as implicit criticism.

@Youcannotbeseriousreally nope - not taking it personally.

The guilt of having time on my hands while DH works all hours (his choice, he is aiming for another promotion), is tricky. We check in regularly to make sure we're both happy with how things are going, and at this point we both feel it's beneficial for the children to be home in the afternoons. DH appreciates my hard work at home as it means when he is home he can be 100% present with the children.

One advantage I found by staying in work it's easier to dictate my hours. So I do pick up 3 days a week & DH does the 2 days he works remotely so there's always someone there in the afternoon although they often chose to do clubs.

I'm not. I home educate my kids but I still work - I'm self employed.

I was either at home or working part time until last autumn when I decided to retrain because I was starting to get worried about being doomed to a life of low pay low skill jobs so now I study full time, and my youngest is still under school age but starts school this autumn.

The contribution hopefully is shared between both people if both are working, although anecdotally from friends, I think women tend to end up doing more.

The fact that I’m able to make the non-financial contribution during working hours, rather than in the evening when I’m exhausted from being in a paid job, benefits, me, the kids and my husband. I would much rather have a less stressful life. If I went to work – the stress would be much more as I would be packing more into the same amount of hours. I just don’t see the point.

Trust me – by taking part in this conversation with my “drivel”, I’m simply adding to the discussion rather than whatever you think I’m doing. I absolutely love being at home and have no regrets whatsoever. I would recommend it to anyone who is able to.

Because when other people do things differently to them they take it as implicit criticism.

This, lots aren't secure in their choices & unfortunately many don't have choices.

I'm a SAHM to my 1 yr old and I love it. Will never get these years back. I quit my job while on mat leave. It was a job with lots of stress so I will probably look for something else when I eventually return to work. We are lucky that we don't have many money worries (my husband and I earned the same and can live well on one of our salaries). I do have savings and contributed significantly to a pension prior to quitting. If I were in a different financial position I may have decided to return to work but I'm not sure. I did / do feel quite a strong pull to stay at home with my DS.

I have 2 kids under 5, currently on mat leave.

I originally returned to work full time but found it was too much after a year so went down to 4 days. I’ll be going back on the same hours.

I wouldn’t be a SAHM unless I won the lottery.

For you, yes during these early years it would make financial sense for you to be a SAHM because it sounds like your salary would go on childcare. But i would recommend going back to work when you can.

I personally wouldn’t depend on anyone else for my pension.

I’m a SAHM to a one and three year old. I have no plans to go back to work before they start school.

Before I had children I thought I’d be desperate to get back… but it turns out I love spending my days doing crafts, going to the park, and going to groups. I’m so sad that I won’t be doing it forever and am exploring retraining in something that will let me work with kids.

I think it’s difficult to know whether you’ll like it until you do it. I have friends who were really looking forward to the preschool years who have found it a drag. Others, like me, thought they’d find it unbearable but love it.

It's not a competition. I used to work full time and I still did all the things I do as a (sort of) SAHP. It's just significantly easier and more enjoyable and less stressful to do them when I don't also have to go out to work.

I don't really see why anyone has to justify that tbh, there's nothing inherently wrong or lazy about a slower pace of life.

They can. But when you post your choices on a forum, you're naturally inviting comment from other posters.

Sadly, there are multiple threads on here every week from SAHM's who are left in incredibly vulnerable situations because their relationship is over and they have no money or income of their own.

I went back FT with my first when she was 7 months, and I’ll have to go back when this one is 6 months absolute latest because I’m the higher earner and CoL. I have a career though, rather than a job (sounds awful but I don’t mean it in a mean way!). I think if I had a job I’d be more inclined to stay home, but the career I’m in is competitive (and I love it!!) so there’s really no guarantee I could leave and come back in a few years later. I also don’t massively enjoy mat leave - I love my babies but I do miss work too and I don’t think I have the patience to be a SAHM, it’s far far harder than working IMO!!!

so basically, I think it depends on your job and your personality (and whether it’s financially feasible). For me it’s a no on all three counts, but if you want to try it, go for it!

But on ‘shall I give up work threads’, I would say far more people say ‘yes, do it, they are only little once, nobody said on their deathbed that they regret working’ etc. Maybe it’s confirmation bias on my part then?

It sounds to me that you need to change professions rather than give up work. You clearly enjoy working in hospitality and that sector is crying out for people. I would do that in a heartbeat rather than step out of the working world.

The fact that I’m able to make the non-financial contribution during working hours, rather than in the evening when I’m exhausted from being in a paid job, benefits, me, the kids and my husband. I would much rather have a less stressful life. If I went to work – the stress would be much more as I would be packing more into the same amount of hours. I just don’t see the point

I suppose it depends on jobs doesn't it, if you enjoy, like your colleagues etc. I'm not exhausted after working & I find it less stress to work p/t then be at home but maybe Im weird.

I don't think that's really true - IME most responses say to at least work part-time so that you have your own income and don't neglect your pension.

@DryRotter look into dental nursing and how low the morale is around the industry and how little we are paid for the work we do and you might see why I'm not ambitious about this paticular career that I unfortunately chose.

That's usually because they haven't taken the steps to safeguard themselves, of which there are many that don't include working. The two biggest of which are not being married and not having access to joint finances.

Yes, I think if you are part-time, enjoy your job et cetera – you’re maybe not going to be too stressed.

I worked long hours in the city law firm, so the only work I’ve ever really known was high stress.

I think you don’t understand the meaning of the word ambitious. Ambitious doesn’t mean ANYTHING to do with a job or a career. It’s to be driven by success. Success for OP might be being a fantastic mum or a supportive friend. She might be influenced by charity work or a hobby she does out of work.

Success doesn’t equal money/career. It’s what you deem as purpose.

THIS ☝️☝️

Perhaps, because IMO it's more people saying "I would never be financially dependent on a man/what if he leaves you/what about the gender pay gap".

@Bogfrog DB works for a mc law firm as did DH at one time, definitely another ball game. My job is a walk in the park compared!