To ask if you work or are a SAHP..

[DontBeTight]

Just that really, those of you who have children under school age. Do you work, or do you stay at home? Or work part time? My youngest won't start school until 2026 so I'm considering giving up work and having the rest of the time full time at home with her as my income makes very little difference to the household.

Those who stay at home, do you enjoy it?

I was referring to the attachment, rather than the activities.

Have you ever done those jobs??

in your position I would try being a SAHM and see if I liked it . I have different circumstances but like working part time.
From the perspective of the child my mum was a much happier and better parent when she returned to work when I was 11. until then and I had a fairly miserable stressed out mum . Honestly I think she had so little to occupy her days that she was obsessed with house work and everything being perfect. She then took her moods out on my brother and I.

@catelynjane my comment wasn't that working parents don't do those things with their children - it's that children very rarely just "just stay at home all day with mum" that the other person claimed.

I have one DC and am a SAHP. Prior to this I had a career in the rat race. I honestly don't miss it. I would choose to sacrifice any financial or career progression over being with my child time and time again. You will never ever get this time back. Those that say its boring and their brain cells feel like they are dying are probably not the most inventive, interesting people anyway. I have had so many amazing moments with my child which would have all belonged to some employee in a nursery had she been bunged in there while I went back to work.

Yes it's hard work, yes it's intense but it's only for a few years, invest in and enjoy your kids, rat race will still be there when you're done 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Mumof2NDers Oh my god how on earth did you know.. yes I am!! 14 years qualified, NEDBN in dental nursing.. I'm on £11.15 an hour and on top of that also have to pay my own registration!

Part time until youngest went to school then joyfully skipped back to the office full time

Do they? My mother did none of those things with me - she got home tired from work after picking me up from the childminders

And she didn't even work late - home by about 18:30. Interestingly all my friends with working mothers also didn't do those things...........

@Youcannotbeseriousreally what do you mean by "attachment" ? I actually don't quite get what you mean.

@WithACatLikeTread Yes I've worked in busy cafes after my first DC was born and I absolutly love it. I only returned to dental nursing as it was week day work so meant I got full weekends with eldest DC and its been a reget ever since. I came home with more money working in the cafe, had much less responsibility and stress and was happier overall.

Yes? They take annual leave and use weekends and work flexitime and, obviously ‘life stuff’ still gets done. Kids still get played with and looked after and tucked into bed.

im sorry that wasn’t your experience though.

@Youcannotbeseriousreally by the way - I didn't have a career to give up. I had a job.
My comment to you was about your patronising "at home all day with mum".

Most people have insurance to cover illness/death. We certainly do. Income protection too.

If my DH lost his job he wouldn't have any trouble finding another, he's in a secure field where all the salaries tend to be level.

If he left me I'd go back to full time work and claim child maintenance, which would be high as he's a high earner.

In any case I prefer not to live my life by what ifs, as long as there are contingency plans in place, which there are. Everything on MN has to be such a drama!

Both dc are in school but I work 25 hours a week. When they were younger I worked less but I missed working. Perfect balance for me.

Gosh this really isn’t a hard one, I mean the ones that were not used to spending longer chunks of time away from their mums. Some had never been to pre-school or anything either. So their mum was all they knew. They struggled a lot with being apart from mum when starting school. They lacked confidence because In all their experiences their mum had always been there.

Well, my parents both worked full-time and yes, we did all of those things.

I went with her to do the food shop after school at least once a week (and sometimes had tea in the cafe), and weekends were spent going to the shops, library, post office, swimming pool, park etc. On rainy days we'd go to museums or somewhere further afield too.

You don't need to be a SAHM to do all those things with your kids.

I think it’s astounding that people think your brain is going to dry up if you don’t do paid employment.

I’m actually much more aware of what’s going on in the world, keep up with the news et cetera now that I have less stress and more time.

And life doesn’t have to be boring – I understand it could be if you live in the sticks and don’t have transport to get to different things, but assuming you do have access, there is so much to do in the world.

Also, in terms of what if my husband leaves or dies young et cetera… I refuse to live my life like that. As far as I can tell, the chances of that are pretty slim. Obviously it’s not impossible, but I’m not gonna sacrifice what’s best for my family just in case that happens. And In any event, if we got divorced, I would be provided for in a way that court felt fair and I could get a job. It might not be the best job, although I was previously a solicitor in a city firm so hopefully there are some remaining/transferable skills.

I would never do a disservice to working mothers, but in turn would ask that the contribution that nonworking mothers make is recognised.

ps I am not certainly not obsessed with housework…although I am partial to cleaning the car

Why can't people do as they like? If they're happy not working and being financially dependent, and unhappy working and being financially independent........well it seems stupid to return to the workforce and live unhappily ever after because you turn your nose up on their choice

The lack of ways to progress unless you become a manager. Shit wages even if you do extra duties! And your post about people leaving in droves and no one wanting the job. It’s going to get a shit load worse when minimum wage goes up to £11:44. Who’d do our job with the GDC, CPD and stress when you could do easier jobs for the same pay!
Ive kinda given myself golden handcuffs, I’ve worked for the same dentist for my whole career (36 years) and get paid just shy of £17 an hour and get 7 weeks holiday.I know I won’t get that anywhere else in our area so I’m kinda stuck unless I retrain which I can’t afford to do.

I don’t particularly enjoy it but someone has to be available when kiddo is sick and unfortunately this and last respiratory seasons have been a nightmare. No way I could have held a job with all the absence, and no, I won’t dose my child and let him be uncomfortable/ not 100% at nursery/ school. We do run our own business but I can dip in and out of projects/ workload as required while DH takes on all the travel to clients etc and we have employees so everything is going smoothly whenever I’m unavailable. I thought once in nursery I’ll be able to do more but unfortunately hasn’t been the case.

@DontBeTight I have a good salary & good pension so even though DH earns well we would miss my money too. I don't know how I would feel if I earned a lot less.

if DH dies we have insurance that pays me around £30k a year until the kids sare 18

Which doesn't go far these days despite no mortgage. What happens after they turn 18?

You're hardly a "tiny minority". MN is notoriously very hostile to SAHMs.

@Youcannotbeseriousreally SAHP aren't permanently attached to their children though and the children get plenty of time away "from mum".
I used to take my daughter to Stay and Play sessions. There were play leaders who would play and do activities with the children while the parents drank tea and talked to each other.
The same with things like a craft session at a museum - the play leader did the activity while the parents sat and watched from the back of the room.

And as my lovely mother always says…you can’t live your life on what ifs.
Why should OP remain unhappy now just in case her husband leaves her!
Fuck that, live for the day.
And as I now know what she does for a job I can say she would defo be able to go back to it if she chose to. There’s a massive shortage in that field.

One 5 year old

I work 4 days per week. It’s pretty flexible though so I can work around school hours / school events & make up the time in the evenings.

So so so glad I retained my career and earning potential. I know a few SAHMs and all of them have regrets. Plus you are (potentially) screwed if you split up with DH or anything happens to them. I’d always advise everyone to think very carefully before becoming a SAHM and put all your ducks in a row in case things go tits up