To ask if you work or are a SAHP..

[DontBeTight]

Just that really, those of you who have children under school age. Do you work, or do you stay at home? Or work part time? My youngest won't start school until 2026 so I'm considering giving up work and having the rest of the time full time at home with her as my income makes very little difference to the household.

Those who stay at home, do you enjoy it?

I worked part time (30 hours a week) until my youngest was 12 and now back to full time.

The main reasons I worked was personal fulfilment, wanting to be able to contribute to the household (my DH and I now earn the same so I made a valuable contribution ), and having a decent pension.

I think there is a big difference being a SAHM with money and without money. If you have no money then you can't do half the things you might like and yes you do get bored. Being bored doesn't mean we are unimaginative. 🙄

@Mumof2NDers I left dental nursing in 2018 when I had my eldest DC and worked in tearooms/cafes since. I've only been back to dental nursing 6 months and have quickly remembered why I left! The industry has also changed in that there is such a huge shortage in nurses where as when I started in 2007 loads of women wanted to do it.

As I say I'm fully qualified and I'm on £11.15 an hour. We often run over at lunch time or at the end of the day which we don't get paid for. I have to start earlier I'm not paid until 9am but have to come in around 8.30 to set up decon, do the laundry and set up my surgery. If I don't the other nurses act like I'm not pulling my weight. Have to pay for my own CPD and do it all in my own time. We do on call weekends, we get no pay for being on call so in theory are a prisoner in your own home for the weekend with potentioally no pay if you don't get called out. If you do all we get paid is £20 per pt, even on christmas day. Theres some workplace bullying going on. Theres tick boxes for the most pathetic things. We are so short staffed I vomited at work the other day, and they wouldn't let me leave until the last pt had gone as there was no cover.

I'm utterly utterly miserable and although its nice to have some of my own money.. I just think I'm missing time with my youngest and shoving her in nursey at £55 a day to feel this miserable. Sorry to rant at you!

I went back to work after maternity leave. I like being financially independent plus I have to be registered with a professional regulator to practice ( conditions are attached). Taking years out would have negatively impacted my career and I didn’t want that. If you have a job which is barely above minimum wage (rather than a career), it’s easier to just pick up where you left off when you do return to work.

I have a two year old (and a 7 year old). I work Monday - Thursday. I'd hate to not work.

I’m not sure why you’re taking this personally? I’m not talking about you, I’m talking about the kids in the class ( and the experiences of several of my friends who are reception teachers)

you don’t need to justify your life choices , I wouldn’t pick your life, sounds like you wouldn’t pick mine.

in the examples you give ( it feels like you really feel the need to defend this - you don’t!), those parents are still there, we did loads of that kind of thing when I was on maternity leave etc. But it’s really not the same as 9-3 at school, at all.

I'm a SAHM as my pre-kids job wouldn't work with our life as it is now and it was important to DH and I they children weren't in one of those big private daycare centres. My youngest started school last September and while I was really looking forward to having time through the day to get done the things I need to, I'm also finding myself often feeling at a loose end. The guilt of having time on my hands while DH works all hours (his choice, he is aiming for another promotion), is tricky. We check in regularly to make sure we're both happy with how things are going, and at this point we both feel it's beneficial for the children to be home in the afternoons. DH appreciates my hard work at home as it means when he is home he can be 100% present with the children.

So yes, I am, it's something I always wanted to do and yet I'm having a personal confidence crisis I didn't expect.

and hostile comments to working mothers are often conveniently ignored.

I was a working mother. I am a solicitor. But my older son has a wide and varying range of disabilities and I could not juggle work with home stuff. So in 2022 I took a year out as we could take the financial hit. I have not yet gone back to work because DSs needs ended up being a very great deal more complicated than we could imagine. DH is alot older than me and has a chronic and serious illness that makes him unable to work or indeed contribute much at home beyond moral support. So we live off savings, his pension and a small investment. So we are super lucky that we can do that. There is little by way of extras and I confess i am often envious of peers who have alot more than us materially. But the time spent at home with a child who is unlikely to ever be able to live independently and has multiple hospital appointments is priceless IMO.

The generally accepted MN view is that women who are SAHM are:

a) boring people living lives of unfulfilled tedium and drudgery
b) betraying feminism
c) doomed to have no money and no prospects because their DH will definitely leave them and/or die
d) lazy
e) not "contributing to the household"
f) unintelligent/unambitious

Do they? My mother did none of those things with me - she got home tired from work after picking me up from the childminders

My mum didn't work but didn't really do those things, we had nannies etc. Did me no harm!
There's a weird narrative on MNs that SAHMs spend all their time with their dc and working parents miss everything. In my world SAHPs often have help and many working parents have hybrid working, flexi hours, partners that do similar etc. 🤷🏻‍♀️

They aren't, they have been called out multiple times on this thread.

I worked part time for a while but been back full time since eldest was 2.
My job is scientific, I work in research, post doctoral at the time, so needed to continue to ensure I would be able to work in my career field. I don't regret it as I struggled with the monotony and the lack of motivation at home to be honest ... now I'm in my early 50's I can't wait to retire ... although kids still growing up lol

@Youcannotbeseriousreally I just thought your "at home all day" comment was a bit patronising.
That's all.
Not really taking it personally.

I'm more talking about comments such as yours, the hostile comments go both ways as you've just said yet apparently MN is only hostile when it comes to SAHM's.

I have a 5 year old and 2 year old and have been a sahm the whole time. I absolutely love it and do lots of groups / activities with the toddler. It's brilliant.

We have no family support though which can be tough. And dh works long hours and shift work including nights so it's a lot of hard work.

I'll definitely be getting a part time job when the youngest starts school though. I'd go crazy otherwise, it would be so boring and I'd feel guilty not contributing while both kids taken care of at school.

Yes, because IME the balance is significantly more hostile to SAHMs than working parents. I don't just mean on this thread but in general.

That's going to be inevitable as MN's demographic is middle class, educated women who are more likely to have careers.

👏

See, I don’t feel any guilty “not contributing”. I do loads that benefits the household in a non financial way, which my husband doesn’t because he’s working. Contribution shouldn’t only be measured in financial terms.

You’ve taken it personally and literally.

This is copied from the dental nursing facebook page

To all dental nurses,
You may be aware that we are currently experiencing a recruitment and retention crisis within the dental nursing profession. Dental nurses are a vital part of the dental team and without experienced, qualified and skilled dental nurses, patient care will be affected.
Here at Newcastle University we would like to conduct some research in to why dental nurses no longer want to work in the profession. Below is a link to a survey about what factors influence dental nurse retention in the UK. We would be very grateful if you could spare some time to complete the survey. There are 20 questions in total and the survey should take approximately 10-15 minutes to complete.
At the end of the survey you will be given the option to enter in to a prize draw to win one of five £100 vouchers.
To take part in the survey, please click/follow the link below.

So who does this ‘contribution’ when both people work full time then?

bloody hell the absolutely drivel and ridiculous justifications on this thread! It’s like so many of you actually hate being a SAHP that you’re projecting!

When my DC were little I was a SAHM. I went back to work part time when my youngest started reception (literally the same week!) - I now work 4 days a week.

I enjoyed being a SAHM, but I have to say that when I went back to work I felt fulfilled in a way that I had missed feeling.

I frequently wonder why so many (mostly) women care so much about what other people do with their lives and why they question other peoples choices.
Why can't everyone just live their lives?

Not all sahms are. The OP sounds very unambitious with her defeatist attitude to her current job. Like there are no other options available anywhere. It’s not necessarily a negative thing. Many people aren’t ambitious.