To ask if you work or are a SAHP..

[DontBeTight]

Just that really, those of you who have children under school age. Do you work, or do you stay at home? Or work part time? My youngest won't start school until 2026 so I'm considering giving up work and having the rest of the time full time at home with her as my income makes very little difference to the household.

Those who stay at home, do you enjoy it?

I completely agree with this. I have a son who is nearly 10 months and plan to return to work in the next month or two.

My main concern is giving up my career. Once he's at school and gone for the majority of the day, I can't see the point in staying at home and not working and not contributing to our household income. It would also be very difficult for me to pick up my career again if I were to take a couple of years break.

Also anything could happen from my partner not being able to work for whatever reason, to us splitting up. I personally think it's important to consider those possibilities when making that decision.

I’m about to give birth to our first so I’m a SAHM to a baby who isn’t here yet 😂

I have been on mat leave since 25 weeks (we own a business) as I was struggling really bad to work but I have a little input here and there which is nice. I’m excited to focus on baby when they are here. We earn way less than your husband earns now and we are able to have a comfortable life only problem is there is no was we put anything into savings on that amount and we will have to lose the holidays abroad this year, but I want to be with baby.

I also do events etc so hoping I can arrange a few events a year and boost our money but I’d rather be with baby as much as possible. I also plan to home educate so will be SAHM for the foreseeable although I’m aware my mind may and can change and baby can go to school and I can pick up a job or go back to our business.

I gave up work when I had my first 17 years ago, then did a few small stints of short hours part time jobs for a few quid a week spends. Now they're 17, 14 and 12 I've been working part time adding £1K a month to the family funds for over 2 years and it's perfect for our family. We're still spending time together and I get out of the house for 24 hours a week. The children benefitted from me being around and us living slightly more frugally was better for us than having plenty of spare cash and me struggling balancing parenting and working. Not to mention I'd hate to work just to pay it straight to someone else for childcare.

Reading your posts, it seems like you have made the decision already. I suspect you will be one of the women who gives up work and never returns to the workforce again. You don’t really sound even a bit ambitious or like you want to change jobs, retrain, or explore other avenues of work. You have already thought through all the possibilities of how you will cope if you never work again.

I don’t think women should make themselves vulnerable or financially dependent on their partners or the government. I also despair that the gender pay gap will ever close when so many women happily take themselves out of the workforce and encourage each other to do so as well.

However, I realise that I am in a tiny minority. Esp on Mumsnet.

@AlltheFs Thats brilliant. The thing is if I didn't have DH, I would have to claim universal credit. I've a collegue in the same role as me who is a single mum and she has to claim, she works 4 full days and brings home only around the £1,000 mark a month.

I would really struggle with the lack of variation between days, evenings and weekends if I didn’t work.

I’m not saying SAHPs don’t do things to mix it up, but it’s still generally that you’re looking after children.

I don't have children but my parents always worked full-time. However, I was at private school and most of my friends had a SAHP or a parent working part-time - I was very much an outsider having two full-time working parents.

I've been a SAHP since a couple of months before my eldest was born. I now home educate her, and have two younger children as well.

I love it. I can't understand how people get bored with it, when there's a whole world to explore with children. We spend hours outside and I've learned so much about nature and read several books a year teaching me more about what to look for and how to find it.

We read classic children's literature, we listen to wonderful music, we cook nearly everything from scratch (which involves a lot of learning for me too), we have plenty of time to spend with friends and family and each other.

Life is very full, and I get to treasure these precious young years, but it's also usually calm and peaceful rather than rushed or stressful. And before anyone says it sounds like I'm a SAHM just for my own benefit, we believe it's best for our children, but that wasn't the question 😉

Once they leave education though you lose all the child elements and get very little. So in that scenario (if the worst happened) you wouldn't have very much UC or not be entitled (due to the £30k). Personally I would be concerned if your DH lost his job or got ill. Your job is the back up. Sounds like you have made your mind up though.

I work full time but fully work from home barring about 3-4 days a month in the office.

But both me and my partner WFH, so we can keep on top of housework, cooking etc while still working - one of us picks the baby up about 3pm-4pm and we have a few hours with him before bed. Childcare is split between grandparents and nursery so I feel he’s getting a nice equal split of being spoilt rotten by GP’s and then socialising at nursery.

It would honestly never occur to me not to go to work (and not saying that in a goady way) it’s just I’ve had it drilled into me to go to work everyday no matter what, the thought of not doing that feels foreign.

@Youcannotbeseriousreally most stay at home parents DON'T stay at home all day though.
They go to activities (like Stay and Play, Rhyme Time etc), they meet up with other parents and their children, they go to parks, libraries, museums, swimming, indoor play centres.....
They also do "boring adult stuff" that their children have to accompany them - supermarket shop, going to the Post Office, going to the chemist etc - also known as "life stuff".
It's very rare for a SAHP and their children to be at home all day.

Awful to call OP not ambitious. She may find success in other ways.

You are a minority to think like that because even the mums who want to work don’t see SAHM as unambitious.

I am a SAHM. 3 young dc. Worked 25-30 hours per week until mat leave with the youngest. Dh retrained into a new career earning more than both our previous salaries so I stay at home. Will return to work once youngest in school. I am considering retraining in something but not sure what.

I work FT, I went back to work when DS was 3 months. Maternity leave was mind numbing. I'm expecting twins and plan to do the same this time.

I also like having my own money.

I work now, but didn’t when my two youngest were under school age. (I did do some child minding when they were small)

I didn’t think I wanted to work, but now that I’m back in it, I know that I’ll never willingly leave again if until retirement, even if I were to have another child. I just like the routine and schedule of working. (And the money of course 🤣)

I mean, people that have jobs also do all those things? It’s hilarious if you think you need to give up on financial independence and a career and life outside of parenting if you also want to go to libraries and museums and do ‘life stuff’ 🤣

I loved being a SAHM for 5 years while my children were little. Some people love it, some hate it ……… I guess you don’t really know until you try it out! Mine are all at primary school now, so I work 2 days a week 9-2 term-time, so I can still be a wrap around and school holiday SAHM.

Only advice I would give is to make sure that you are still paying into a private pension in your name. Plus make sure that you are registered for child benefits but opt not to receive the money - that way you won’t get a gap in your state pension credits.

Working parents do all of those things with their children too!

Why can’t you retrain and do something better paid @DontBeTight?

If you can afford some time at home as a SAHP you could use it productively to get a better paid role.

I’m public sector so never going to earn a fortune but I’m content on my £60k ish pro rata as it’s flexible to fit around family life and I can support myself and DD if it all goes to shit.

See when I worked my jobs have always been so mind bogglingly boring that there was no variation. I turned up and lost another day of my life for some money. Just the same thing over and over - I found being at home more liberating

Are you a dental nurse by any chance?
This all sounds familiar.
Similar to me re the no progression, not paid for extra qualifications.
I’m on a fair bit more than minimum wage (close to £17 per hour).
If I’m right about your job and my DH were earning £100k I’d be outta there!!

It's not really that, it just what I ended up qualifying in during my 20s is a bit of a dead end job with no progression. So many women are leaving the industry and they are desperate for people to fill the role but no one wants it. There is some workplace bullying going on and I spend my time at home thinking about when I'm next in work. My mental health is suffering. I think I would be better, both mentally and probably financially, just working in a pub/cafe/shop until the kids are older and then I'll think about what I can retrain or branch out into.

@Youcannotbeseriousreally yes but you said you could tell the difference between children who had been in daycare and those who had "been at home all day with mum".
That's nonsense - because (as my point was) it's rare to have a child that has literally just been at home all day.
I actually found (through volunteering at my daughter's school) that the "childcare children" didn't seem to know as much about "life things" like going to the supermarket etc.

If it is that poster posts the same thing a lot. They need to just decide and get on with it!

I worked too hard pre-DC to give up my career post-DC.

Feel like I’ve got a good balance now of a 4 day week and flexibility to work at home.