To ask if you work or are a SAHP..

[DontBeTight]

Just that really, those of you who have children under school age. Do you work, or do you stay at home? Or work part time? My youngest won't start school until 2026 so I'm considering giving up work and having the rest of the time full time at home with her as my income makes very little difference to the household.

Those who stay at home, do you enjoy it?

6, 4 and 1 year old. Work Nightshift. Also at uni 2 nights a week. No help with childcare out with school and school nursery (8.50-2.50). I don't like working nights but have done so since my oldest was 10 months.

@catelynjane it's just in general though - not just on anonymous forums. People constantly thinking about what other people are doing when it doesn't actually affect them.
It's all a bit sad. Let people live the life they want. It's like humans just want to constantly criticise one another.

I'm on maternity leave but will have to return to work otherwise we will be 300 short each month from what we need.

I have a small side business but it only brings about 50 a month so nowhere near enough at the moment for me to not go back to work

I hear you! Same here with the setting up
with no pay and running into lunch. We don’t often run over at night because I’ve blocked off the last 10 minutes every night in diary! I am fortunate in that respect in that we’ve worked together a long time so I can get away with certain things. The tick boxing and CPD are a ball ache, I agree. We do get some paid for like BLS but the rest is on us. I’ve found some great sites for free CPD 😃.
Re the bullying and how unhappy you are…. Why are you still there? Hand your notice in. It’s not the easiest of jobs even when you work in a nice place with a good team.
If you’ll miss having a bit of your own money why not look for what you used to do? A few hours in a nice cafe.

t's just in general though - not just on anonymous forums. People constantly thinking about what other people are doing when it doesn't actually affect them.

Mns would not exist if people didn't do the above! 😀

@fonfusedm so true....so true.

Seems like you just don’t like your current job rather than working in general. Honestly I’d be using the opportunity to study/retrain and take my time to find out what I want to do. Make the most of the situation.

Ive been a sahm since December 22 and plan on staying this way for another year as my youngest is only 6 months and ebf. Tbh I'm struggling with it, I find it really isolating and am looking forward to go back to work and have a bit normality back.

I went back to work at 9 months.

Regardless of what you choose I actually think when they start school is the worst time to go back to work. School hours and holidays are so inflexible and really difficult to combine with a job where you don’t have much flexibility. It’s way easier with private nurseries. Wrap around care can be patchy and IMO is better for the 6-9 age group than the really wee ones (albeit my child went twice a week from 5 years old when she started reception). The start of school is a big transition and my child needed me more than she had done for the previous year or so before that.

It’s suited me much better to stick with my current employer and career path through the early years with a reduction in hours and use of private nursery, so once my child started school I had the experience and reputation behind me to have a high degree of flexibility in working hours and patterns to work around it. There are days when I can be putting in minimum effort and nicking off early to pick up my child from school that I don’t think I’d get away with if I was new in position.

If I was going to stop working I’d plan to not be going back until they’re more like 6 or 7 unless you have a realistic prospect of getting back into a role with a lot of flexibility.

No I really get why you want to leave that job. But until a later post, you sounded like that was it for you and a career, and you would be ok to survive on your husband’s insurance if the worst happened or minimum wage and benefits. There are other options.

I agree with you about marriage, but unfortunately having access to joint finances means very little really, as there's nothing stopping your partner emptying the joint account if they so choose.

So many women (and it's always women) leave themselves with no income and no way of supporting themselves if it all goes wrong. They may swear down that their partner won't cheat or leave them, but that's not the only thing that can leave you up shit creek, sadly.

I work full time.
I absolutely love being a parent but I also love my job. My job allows me to provide my kids with materialistic things that we would be less able to pay for without my job.
I’ve got a job I’m proud of and I feel like I make a genuine contribution to society.
Children of working parents (particularly female children) are more likely to have successful careers if their own mothers work. I don’t want my kids to either have to rely on someone else financially; or to struggle. So part of my motivation to work is to set a good example to my children; because I believe it’s giving them the best chance.
One of my kids is in school and we don’t use non-relative childcare outwith school. My other child only uses one day paid childcare per week.

Went back after the twins were a year . Full time . They attend nursery 8-4 every day.
it cost more in nursery than I earn but I was becoming ‘bored’ at home and abit lonely ! I worship the children but needed more stimulation. I love the feeling of working all week and spending the weekend with children. I love the evenings as well with children . Being home all of the time I did all childcare and house work and felt I was the maid ! I now earn and once the children finish nursery will see the benefit of this ! Also I paying into a good pension and am excited to build my career .

my question is - Are you married ? I’d be really curious to know as I think you are very vulnerable as a SAHP if you aren’t married.

Totally understand why you would want to stay at home - I just craved my job and I never thought I would !

I don’t think most people give it a second thought other than when it comes up on words like this. However, I do want the gender pay gap to be closed. I do want my teenage son and daughter to have equal opportunities in the workforce. I do want men to share childcare from day one.

Time and time again it is the woman that gives up work. When a child has special needs, it is rarely the man that gives up his career. I don’t believe that many men and women actually want this status quo to change. And threads like this prove it.

It's human nature to be curious about other people's lives and how they choose to live, though. There's a reason social media, reality TV and documentaries about different cultures are so popular - people are fascinated by it.

I really don't think it's sad to have an opinion on what other people do with their lives. If you're truly happy with your decisions, you shouldn't care what they think anyway.

@ThePoetsWife A lot of women don't have careers or pension contributions to begin with - I had dead end job after dead end job that rotted my brain with a just above minimum wage salary. For YEARS. And that's with a STEM degree from a red brick, RG uni. By 34 I ended up an alcoholic from being trapped in that situation.

Now I'm not working, I'm also not drinking. My brain isn't being wasted everyday any more, and I lost nothing because I never had a career or pension to begin with.

The average woman doesn't have a career, she has a job to make ends meet, and actually finding your way into a career is a bit more of a luxury than you realize.

I’m a sahm to a pre schooler and 12 month old. I really enjoy it and feel privileged to be in this position. I felt a huge weight was lifted off me when I decided not to go back after mat leave ended. I just didn’t want to leave my dc in a nursery, it’s as simple as that. Luckily dh has always supported my decision & it works for us.

We are not well off by any means but we are doing ok, our mortgage is low and there’s lots of free stuff to do with babies/pre schoolers (playgroups/workshops etc) where I live. My family are close by too which is grand.

I’ve not read all the thread, just a few responses , but I never take it personally when people say things like “I could never be a sahp” “I’d be so bored, what do you do all day?” “I could never be financially dependent on someone else” etc
I don’t feel the same way you do. If I was back at work, I’d forever be wanting to be with my kids & I don’t think I’d be very happy. (I say that as someone who enjoyed her job previously)

I will go back to work eventually (once the youngest starts school) but for now, I will continue to take pride in my role 😊

only consider doing that if you’re married. High risk otherwise. Even if you are, can you work part time? So many benefits to keeping your hand in at work such as pension, sick leave, career progression. I’ve seen too many SAHM friends stung by break ups and they’ve been financially disadvantaged. I also think it sets a good example to your kids.

You can be equally protected if unmarried.

@DryRotter I see what you mean. It was just circumstantial really in that I didn't go to uni as at 16 all I wanted to do was beauty, and then the recession hit around 2007 and the only job I could find that would train me was dental nursing. I then met my partner and we got a mortgage so that meant I couldn't afford to take time out to go to uni or anything at the time, but luckily he massively worked his way up the career ladder and started his own business, but by this time children had come along. I might look into doing an open university course of some kind, my goal is to work somewhere in perinatal mental health.

No you can’t. Not without a hell of a lot of paperwork.

We have an eight year old a two year old, we both work part time, it reduces childcare, but it means we both get a 1:1 week day with our daughter and a week day off work together, so we don’t have to cram as much in at the weekend. Our daughter is in nursery on our joint day off for a few hours, so ita nice that we regularly get time to be just us as a couple.

Not much paperwork at all. I’ve done it myself. You don’t NEED to get married.

This job would be my goal

https://www.google.com/search?q=perinatal+mental+health+team+careers&scaesv=601771759&rlz=1CDGOYIIenGB651GB651&hl=en-GB&ei=r--zZbybFvyqhbIPvpuFyAQ&oq=perinatal+mental+health+team+careers&gslp=EhNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwIiRwZXJpbmF0YWwgbWVudGFsIGhlYWx0aCB0ZWFtIGNhcmVlcnMyBhAAGBYYHjILEAAYgAQYigUYhgMyBRAhGKABMgUQIRifBTIFECEYnwUyBRAhGJ8FMgUQIRifBTIFECEYnwVImSlQwgRYlCZwBXgAkAEAmAGHAaAB-AiqAQM3LjW4AQPIAQD4AQHCAg0QABiABBiKBRhDGLADwgIIEAAYgAQYsAPCAg4QLhiABBjHARivARiwA8ICBRAAGIAEwgIHECEYChigAcICBBAhGAriAwQYASBBiAYBkAYR&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp#fpstate=tldetail&htidocid=ON1ZYI5wtmaxfOegAAAAAA%3D%3D&htiq=perinatal%20mental%20health%20team%20careers&htivrt=jobs

I very much want to work in perinatal mental health as I had PND and the team absolutely saved my life. So I do have ambitions no matter how small.

@catelynjane thankfully I have learned not to give a f about what other people think about me. It's taken several years (including actually anxiety) but now I am at that great stage in a womans life where I just "don't care what anyone thinks" 😂