To get the children christened if DH doesn’t believe.

[Bonniebonchoco]

AIBU to get the children christened if DH and his family don’t believe. DH believes religion causes war and suffering and is not supportive of same sex relationships and is basically a tool to suppress uprising in poverty stricken counties where citizens fear the church.

I was brought up RC and would attend Church around 10 times a year with family . I went a RC school . I am very open minded and feel religion ( in all its forms ) was something which I enjoyed learning about and have taken some comfort in.
I am really open minded and never felt that religion caused me to judge others or myself . I only attend church a few times a year - Christmas and Easter .

I would like my twins ( aged 18 months ) to be christened . After much discussion, DH will compromise and allow them to be christened COE but not RC.

I do not want a big fuss made and a party. I want a low key christening during service and that’s it. I have spoken to the COE and the Reverend is happy to christen the children .However - I just can’t help feel this doesn’t make sense if DH isn’t fully on board . DH is very supportive and usually very laid back however he and his family do not like religion. I respect DH and don’t want to bulldoze him.

I am tired as I have had two babies and i just don’t know if I should press on with the christening plan and cause ‘stress’ from the opposing views . Or if this is my wish for my children then I just make it simple, organize it and do it and anyone who doesn’t want to attend doesn’t need to come .

I want the children to have the option of attending the local faith school where I attended but the head teacher has explained I will need the children christened for them to stand a chance of getting in.
DH said he will look at all schools and of this is the best suited for us the children can attended.

AIBU to push ahead ? I don’t want to cause friction but I don’t want to just people please.

@LlynTegid "Baptism when one parent is of no faith and another is seems reasonable to me."

Why? If I don't want my children to become a member of a faith before they are able to make the choice, why don't my words she's count?

*wishes, not words she's!

Unfortunately these are the kind of questions and values that should be discussed before marriage and children (I know it's too late in this instance!). Otherwise both partners can be running on assumptions.

I’m so glad I read your post because I thought I was an atheist because there is no evidence whatsoever for any god and it baffles me why people would even want to worship the god of the bible anyway because it’s mostly horrific and immoral. Now I know I’m just jealous and bitter and I hate that I’m missing out on all that Christian love I see and experience in real life like hmmm gay people are an abomination and abortion is murder!! All religion is outdated and backwards and provides nothing more than a comfort blanket to help us deal with death (who doesn’t want to think we all end up with eternal life where everything is perfect) we are born, we live and then we die and tbh that sounds pretty harsh and shit but I actually think it makes whatever life we have more meaningful and I think society would be much better if we all accepted that

Christenings are a celebration. I don’t get why people are so frightened about religion

Can I honestly ask why you want to even have them christened? What do you think it offers?

In this situation the only reasonable solution is to allow the children to make up their own minds about religion when they are old enough to do so. It’s unreasonable to try to shove religion down their throats if their own father disapproves of this. In his position, getting them christened would be a hard ‘NO’ from me.

@Pumpkinpie1 "Christenings are a celebration. I don’t get why people are so frightened about religion"

Nothing to do with being frightened. Consenting adults are entitled to believe anything they want to so long as they don't scare the horses. I don't think people unable to consent should be singled up for political parties, either!

@TooScaredToPostOnMN "Can I honestly ask why you want to even have them christened? What do you think it offers?"

She's said. School places.

I don't have a religion and don't believe in god.

But my DH is Roman Catholic and ushered to the children bring christened, brought up as catholics and attending catholic schools.

I won't lie to them when they ask me questions and any god stuff at school I won't deal with. But otherwise I'm find with it.

I don't get what difference your DH thinks it will make going CoE rather than RC.

Because they have bizarre beliefs such as @Ihopeithinkiknow that blames religion for human nature.

When I experience my faith, prayer and ritual it's to be in a loving community and serve others who are also in the image and likeness of God, not because I am terrified of death. Catholic teaching sees every human being as equal and that we are all brothers and sisters, that's why Catholic agencies always serve whoever is in need.

@ZenNudist
I am RC too, and I need to correct you here - children are baptized into the Christian faith in the RC church and in all other Christian denominations. A baptism in a Trinitarian Christian denomination will be recognised by the RC church as long as there is a record of it and as long as the correct wording plus pouring of water were integral to the ceremony.

The denomination the child is baptised into has to be Trinitarian, and the wording 'in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit/ Ghost' must be used, accompanied by the pouring of water (or immersion in water).

As an example of an invalid baptism, LDS baptism is not accepted because of LDS divergence from the Christian dogma of the Trinity, and the same goes for any other denomination that does not share the belief in the Trinity or use the Trinitarian wording plus pouring of water.

You can find a list of what are considered valid vs invalid baptisms on many diocesan websites, particularly the websites of American dioceses, since there are many small Christian denominations and conversions, intermarriage, etc., happen frequently.
resources.catholicaoc.org/offices/tribunal/valid-baptisms
Here's the official list, from the Archdiocese of Cincinnati website.

The children will be received into the RC Church specifically (as opposed to CoE, CoI, Methodist, Presbyterian churches, etc) if they receive the Sacrament of Confirmation. In between, they can receive the Sacrament of the Eucharist and Reconciliation, having already been baptised.

Baptism using the correct form and matter (wording plus natural water) is considered a once and for all time event, conferring grace and removing original sin as long as it is done with the correct form and matter ("I baptise you in the name of Jesus", and a bottle of fizzy water don't count) and as long as the intention to baptise is there, even if the person performing the Sacrament has little or no theological knowledge and only intends 'to baptise' in the name of the Trinity.

@Sailingpasttheheadland "Because they have bizarre beliefs such as @Ihopeithinkiknow that blames religion for human nature."

Blimey. I wouldn't go on the road with your psychic show if I were you!

It's Limbo that has been erased from the Canon.

I’m atheist my husband RC. It was important to him and his family to have our children christened. Since to me it’s just made up stories and a splash of water I didn’t have an issue with it. It’s just some role play basically. However I did insist that the kids wouldn’t go to a faith school as I feel there is a greater risk of indoctrination and damaging views there than from a christening. I will say that was quite a feat as we live in Ireland and non religious schools are very much in the minority. It caused quite a lot of consternation in both our families. I also said that communion and confirmation would only be made if the children wanted to and I would have nothing to do with organising any of them. Two of them had opted to do then one hasn’t. DH has organised all religion classes/masses/celebrations etc around the various sacraments

My thoughts exactly. If DH is an atheist, it should make no difference whether DC are baptised RC or C of E. You are Catholic so do it in a Catholic church, even though the Catholic Church recognises baptism in the name of the Holy Trinity, whichever church has administered it.

I’m religious- DH is not. FIL side are.

I made christening (and church attendance until they are old enough to express their own opinion) a condition of relationship/marriage so it was all up front up years ago.

He will get an hour and a bit on a Sunday of child free self care time when they are very small and when they are bigger they can either stay with him at home or come.

This is how my parents did it too ( my Dad agnostic). I largely enjoyed church as a kid and had another set of friends to play with as it was 10mins of singing and 50mins of play based learning. I had a few years as a teenager where I didn’t go and I was never pushed.

We’ll do mum thinks x happens after you die and dad thinks y but lots of other people think other things too for the wider stuff.

The very arguments that contemporary people in the West use against Christianity, such as the equality of persons and personal freedom grounded in free will, are in fact Christian.

"If, instead, we believe we’re here by accident through a process of survival of the fittest, then there can be no moral absolutes, and life must be, if anything, about power and the mastery of others, not about love. That, declared Nietzsche, is the only way to live once you are truly willing to admit that the Christian God does not exist."

That is what we are seeing rising in our modern culture in the West as the foundation of Christianity fades. Not a more just, loving world.

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/reviews/dominion-christian-revolution-tom-holland/

Though we are struggling with God parents - our closest friends and family aren’t Christian. We have close friends who are but then our “best friends/his siblings” would be snubbed. Legally they will go to my BIL if we die but that’s not the role (always of godparents)! Any tips welcome. Can’t really ask best friend what they’d feel without actually effectively asking them. Baby is due in 1 month so I have a year or so to decide.

Honestly I wouldnt. I’m a Christian (CoE) and my mum had my brother christened but never got around to me. I chose to get baptised/confirmed at 18 and I’m glad it was something I could do for myself. My husband is an atheist and we’ve both agreed to wait for DD to make her own mind up like we both did. I wouldn’t want to make that choice for her, especially given my husbands views.

I think your issue isn't that dh doesn't believe, but he actively has very negative opinions around religion and thinks COE is the least of two evils.

I would not send my dc to a RC school and I do not have as strong views about it as your dh appears to have. When it comes to choosing schools I would suspect your dh will not like the RC schools.

COE is not a compromise if it is not your religion.

Did he marry you in a catholic church? What did you discuss about how you would raise children before you were married? If this is important to you it should have been discussed much earlier.

Who’s frightened?

You don’t have to be afraid of religion to not want to participate in it, view it as not for you, or disagree with some of its practices.

I’ve gone to baptisms and christenings but never considered or wanted to do either for my children because I believe they should be able to choose for themselves when they are old enough to understand what it means.

Both DH and I agree and believe this (discussed it before we became engaged) and he was christened and raised RC. I also don’t agree with going through the motions just to get into a faith school and would have personally felt like a hyprocrite if we did choose to christen our children when neither of us don’t believe, practice, or go to church nor was I going to start going.

It’s not a thing people are as judgemental about as they were decades ago. I can count on one hand how many people have asked me in my life about what religion I am nor do I think it is something most people go around thinking about about other people (barring those who show physical evidence of their religion).

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves I wouldn't suggest that no. Have a conversation with him to discuss why he is happy with CoE but not RC. And explain why they're not interchangeable so it isn't a compromise. Then they can decide between RC Christening or no Christening.

The visit to grandma was a suggestion of how it could still be special for the op without her DH having to get involved (or even be in the same country).

@NoTouch "COE is not a compromise if it is not your religion."

It is if, to repeat, you're doing it for school places.

So first it's atheists are bitter jealous dogs in the manger, now it's an article from a horrible homophobic website about how lack of Christianitycausea everything that's wrong with the world. But atheists are the hateful disrespectful ones.