To get the children christened if DH doesn’t believe.

[Bonniebonchoco]

AIBU to get the children christened if DH and his family don’t believe. DH believes religion causes war and suffering and is not supportive of same sex relationships and is basically a tool to suppress uprising in poverty stricken counties where citizens fear the church.

I was brought up RC and would attend Church around 10 times a year with family . I went a RC school . I am very open minded and feel religion ( in all its forms ) was something which I enjoyed learning about and have taken some comfort in.
I am really open minded and never felt that religion caused me to judge others or myself . I only attend church a few times a year - Christmas and Easter .

I would like my twins ( aged 18 months ) to be christened . After much discussion, DH will compromise and allow them to be christened COE but not RC.

I do not want a big fuss made and a party. I want a low key christening during service and that’s it. I have spoken to the COE and the Reverend is happy to christen the children .However - I just can’t help feel this doesn’t make sense if DH isn’t fully on board . DH is very supportive and usually very laid back however he and his family do not like religion. I respect DH and don’t want to bulldoze him.

I am tired as I have had two babies and i just don’t know if I should press on with the christening plan and cause ‘stress’ from the opposing views . Or if this is my wish for my children then I just make it simple, organize it and do it and anyone who doesn’t want to attend doesn’t need to come .

I want the children to have the option of attending the local faith school where I attended but the head teacher has explained I will need the children christened for them to stand a chance of getting in.
DH said he will look at all schools and of this is the best suited for us the children can attended.

AIBU to push ahead ? I don’t want to cause friction but I don’t want to just people please.

Doing it your way would prevent the DC from attending a faith primary school if that is what OP wants for her DC. She herself attended a RC school and she wants the same for her DC. Having taught at a RC Highschool I understand why.

This^

COE would also mean my children could go to the Catholic School- this has been confirmed by the Head. Currently due to low birth rates they are now accepting children of other faiths to fill spaces

Fair enough, and that's their decision to make, though why anyone would want their children anywhere near a faith school defeats me if it's the sort of place which will push that faith day in day out

You didn't answer though as to what the point of baptism is, since you're not an active member of a church community yourself, and your DH certainly isn't?

It's a weird thing isn't it? I was baptized Catholic by my DM, an Italian, who didn't believe in God or faith, but had us baptized because that's what you did.

I had to get a license to marry DH, CoE, in a CoE church. I don't believe in God or have any faith, neither does DH, but we married in Church, because everyone else wanted us to.

I had to promise to bring up any children in the CoE faith....... Well I haven't. They aren't baptized, and hopefully I have now broken the silly tradition, of doing it, just because it's the done thing.

They want to get married in woodland .... So that's OK 😁

Press on with the christening. It is an important part of your vision for your children.

Your H hasn't studied much history, or if he did he fell short on analysis.

Human nature was busy causing war and all sorts of other problems well before the advent of Christianity.

Some people are bigots.

I had to promise to bring up any children in the CoE faith....... Well I haven't

I don't blame you in the least for not pushing a faith on your DCs, @KnittedCardi, but then I wouldn't have promised to in the first place, and certainly not because others wanted me to or just thought it was the "done thing"

To me that approach certainly does sound weird, but as ever each to their own

I genuinely don’t understand why my post provoked that reaction.

Baptism by water in any Christian denomination using the official words and the pouring of water is completely acceptable in the RC church.

The baptized persons are welcomed into the Christian church. If they wish to commit to full membership later in their lives they can opt to be confirmed. This is where membership of a specific Christian denomination is chosen.

Usually, anyone over age 7 opting for confirmation in the RC church will also participate in the sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist at the same time, with Reconciliation preceding the Confirmation and Eucharist.

It wasn't directed at you - sorry.

What I was trying to say was that some people have a bee in their bonnet about the RC church but find the CoE acceptable, for reasons related to the history and culture of the UK and how historical anti Catholic feeling has become part of the mindset of some individuals.

At the end of the day, to people who don't believe, it's nothing but some words and a bit of water. If your husband doesn't believe, then it's something that has absolutely no significance beyond possibly getting into a school. Maybe. Whereas it matters to you.

If I were your husband, I would say do what feels right to you because I don't care if they get splashed or not; it won't change how we raise them or the choices we make. Apart from you'll have to take them to services on your own because I won't be going.

A good old dunking as a baby doesn't stop your children choosing their own faith or no faith when they're older. They won't get dragged to the church when they're 50 because their mum had a priest give them a shower when they were tiny. :D

It matters to you and he doesn't care so go for it.

So everyone who disagrees with the teaching of the Catholic Church is a bigot now?

Yes @mathanxiety I agree, that's why I was sad the OP would be "allowed" to baptise their baby CoE but not Catholic. The anti-Catholicism is alive and well in British society even though from my experience most Brits have almost no knowledge of Catholicism or even British history. Few understand Catholicism was present in the British Isles for a thousand + years before the CoE and most of the beloved Cathedrals and Churches were built by British Catholic believers, plus the foundations of Oxford and Cambridge.

I would have them Baptised RC as that is the faith you know. They can choose to follow it or not.

I don't think feeling that CofE baptism is more acceptable as a compromise than RC is necessarily about bigotry, although it certainly could be. A lot of English people think CofE is the default faith- nothing to do with actual belief. That's why the wording of the census made England look like a majority Christian country. People with no belief think of themselves as CofE while RC suggests actually believing in something.

Quite.

I think it sounds like it is really important to you and your DH recognises that hence the compromise from him. I think you should do it given how strongly you feel about it. Mine aren't christened as I am not religious and would feel like a hypocrite during the ceremony bit but if it really mattered to my DP I would have been fine with it

Sorry got mixed up with purgatory

Honestly? You are RC. Baptise your DC RC.

I am too. DH is an atheist but he still stood up and said the kids could be raised in the RC church. It's been very good for their education so he's OK with that.

I don't see why your DH's views trump your views. If your dc aren't baptised RC they won't be able to take part in first Holy communion and confirmation which would be very sad.

You are RC and entitled to pass your faith on to your DC. Your DH has no faith so it shouldn't matter to him. He can still explain his atheist views to them and that may well convince them to believe the same as him so they still get an option on atheism regardless of any christening. He's going to get his belief in the mix but you only get this chance now to baptise your dc into your faith. Realistically it's hard to do it as an adult.

It would be very selfish of your DH to deny you something meaningful like this.

It means bugger all in his scheme of things. It's a nice excuse for a family occasion.

Oh and if you won't reconsider Catholic baptism then definitely do the CofE one rather than nothing. At least they will be Christian.

Personally, I wouldn't want my children to be made a member of a faith. Different if they made the decision themselves at an age where they could make an informed choice. Not sure how I would have squared that circle if their father had felt strongly the other way, though.

I do find baptism for school places utterly repugnant, though.

Sometimes it's not about believing, it's about belonging. Having faith doesn't mean you have to consciously believe all the time, it means sometimes you have to trust that this is the right way to do something.

I want my offspring to be able to access a spirituality. Doesn't matter to me which one - and I have failed and they have declared themselve an atheist already 😀 - but they have always felt they have a place in the world, and that includes the church in which they were baptised. We give roots and wings. Baptism is part of roots.

This! And it really is just for the school place otherwise it wouldn't have been mentioned so many times by the OP.

@mathanxiety whilst I think it has reduced a great deal, I agree there is hostility from some towards the RC Church which is not directed to the same level against the C of E.

Baptism when one parent is of no faith and another is seems reasonable to me.

Purgatory is still Catholic doctrine. Purgatory is not a place but a process of purification. Jesus refers to the sinner who “will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come” (Matt. 12:32), so the Church has always had an understanding that there is a process of forgiveness and purification for most of us after death to be in the presence of the spirit of eternal love.