to be surprised by mother wanting to accompany child to a play date

[Whereisthesunny]

invited a 6 year old friends for a play date and it wasn’t until my son said today it won’t be a real play date as his friends mum was coming too so txt her to ask what she is picking up and it turns out she is planning on coming which i get but also feel bad as now it makes things so much complicated i have 3 other children at home plus will have. to cook tea for them. its not that i feel that she is unreasonable by coming along with child but it makes me worry realising that having 3 others in the house including teenagers it will be a bit awkward and complicated for me . Plus the child is scared of dogs so ill have another job trying to keep the dog away too.

In my experience it's usual for a parent to go with their child when they're 6 especially if the child doesn't know you so well. Obviously common to leave them too but at that age it's dependent on the child.

I don't understand why having another adult there to keep an eye on them will be difficult?

I would be surprised and, to be honest, a bit fed up too. But I'm wondering if perhaps there's some sort of SEN or anxiety on the child's part that means they need support for a playdate?

Because the mum has to be entertained as well.

That would be annoying

50% of the reason of having a friend round is so the 2 of them go off and play in their room giving you some much needed space/peace!!

Yes, the OP will have to make polite conversation for the whole duration.

I would go through with it, but not invite them again.

Yeah it's a bit weird for her to come. Is it his (or his mums) first play date or something? If you're feeling bold you could ask if she's worried about something in particular.

Otherwise just go about making dinner and such while she's there. If her child is scared of dogs it might be helpful that she's there to talk him through any dog interactions?

At 6, the assumption at my kid’s school is that the parent comes too…unless you know them fairly well to drop and go.

At 6 I wouldn’t be surprised either way, we’ve had a few play dates where they stayed, few where they dropped off and one where they stayed for the first half hour to make sure they were ok. My DS has ASD so we have been on a few play dates as well although now he can be dropped off with houses he has been to before.

Why don't you make a thing of it and have a wine with them, I get it though now you're basically obligated to spend time with them. Could you tell them it's really not necessary for them to stay as you'll keep an eye on them and/or you didn't realise they were coming and you'll be busy with dinner etc so will need to leave them to it

yes i was planning on getting on with cooking and letting the kids do what they like to do best. going in rooms and annoying big brothers and trashing the house. Having your mother there defeats the porous but agree i think the mum just worried about him and perhaps he is a bit anxious. i have previously stayed until i saw that my child was ok then left them to it but i can’t really suggest that.

I actually think now it’s 2024 and we understand more about safeguarding children it’s perfectly wise and reasonable to accompany a child to a stranger’s house.

Personally I’d welcome another mum and would crack open a bottle of wine or organise a takeaway but I’m a massive extrovert and enjoy having people over, but I accept not everyone is like me!

And if there’re dogs… well, you can’t blame a parent for wanting to make sure they’re under control. ‘Kids scared of dogs’ is usually a learned behaviour based on dogs not properly under control. But then I’m not a dog person. Some people are fine with big slobbering dogs bounding towards them.

I'd assume I was expected to accompany my kid the first time on a new play date, and he is 6. If the mum texted before saying 'it's ok you don't need to stay' then I'd leave and pick up later.

I think YABU. The child is only 6, scared of dogs and you said you'll have another job keeping the dog away. Maybe the child is anxious, maybe the mum is anxious. Also you have teenagers in the house so a big age gap so I don't think it's unreasonable considering the mum doesn't even know you well enough.

"Hi, would you like a cuppa? I've got to get the tea on but feel free to have a sit down / join in with Bobby if he needs you." Or chat while cooking. Do you not know the mum very well or have a big house? (Just cos people often seem to gather in the kitchen over a coffee anyway! )

they have been here for a birthday party and we have known each other for 3 years but i’m suspecting the mother feels that the boy can get a bit overexcited/ boisterous a bit and is trying to control things which again is understandable

Same.

My son is scared of dogs and dogs seem to sense this and seek him out. I’d be very nervous sending him to a house with a dog unless I know it would be put away.

God, put her on monitoring duty then!!

Sorry but I would find it spectacularly rude to welcome someone into my home, no matter how unwanted, and then go off and ditch them but stay in the same house!

Also, I get that your perspective is probably different having done all this with older kids compared with mums with their first/ second child at school!

Crikey I wouldn't have wanted to have to entertain a 6 yr olds parent.

One mine started school parents no longer had these expectations.

I agree. You have to entertain her. Lots of boring small talk probably.

As always depends on the context. At 6, if I didn't know you and had not been tp ypur house, I would come with my child, stay for a bit to make sure they are settled then leave. If on the other hand I knew you well been to your house lots then little one would have headed off on their own from school with other family.

Some reasons I accompany my children to play dates :

they are less than 7
they express that they would like me to stay
they don’t know the family
I don’t know the family
He hasn’t been to their house before
they have dogs that I haven’t met + assessed

you’re checking a lot of these boxes for me - I would accompany my child.