to be surprised by mother wanting to accompany child to a play date

[Whereisthesunny]

invited a 6 year old friends for a play date and it wasn’t until my son said today it won’t be a real play date as his friends mum was coming too so txt her to ask what she is picking up and it turns out she is planning on coming which i get but also feel bad as now it makes things so much complicated i have 3 other children at home plus will have. to cook tea for them. its not that i feel that she is unreasonable by coming along with child but it makes me worry realising that having 3 others in the house including teenagers it will be a bit awkward and complicated for me . Plus the child is scared of dogs so ill have another job trying to keep the dog away too.

I think I'd just say to the mum there's no need for her to stay.

How awkward and weird.

Ah OP, I stayed at my 5yo first playdate and bought his little brother along 🙈

Looking back I was nuts but DS1 was so little, I didn't know the family & I didn't quite know what to do. The mum was/is so lovely, she could see I was a bit out of my depth I think.

Second child around I kicked him through the door at his first playdate & waved a cheery bye as I reversed off at speed.

Have a cuppa/glass of wine while you do tea & chat about school. It'll be over in a flash & you've done a kind thing for a (I'm assuming) new school mum.

Plus the child is scared of dogs so ill have another job trying to keep the dog away too.

I don't understand this bit. Do you mean you're only going to keep the dog away from the scared child if their mum is there to see? Otherwise surely you have to do this anyway and it makes no difference.

i think i’m just putting unnecessary pressure on myself. with 4 kids the house isn’t how i want it to be and of course im sure she won’t judge but im also certain ill be spending my day off on friday scrubbing the house so no judgement can be made 🤯

@Hooplahooping I understand why as a mum you would want to stay. Its just I would not want to invite a child for a playdate if the mum stays as I have to entertain her as well. After a day at work I do not want to make small talk with someone where the only thing we have in common are our children.

So the mum said she wants her child around the dog as she wants him to get used to dogs so does not want me to keep the do away which of course makes me even more anxious

Personally as a teacher and the stories I’ve heard through safeguarding training etc , I would always accompany my child on a play date, especially at that age. Especially if the mum doesn’t really know you. Safeguarding wise- it’s better to be safe than sorry- you don’t know who could be in the house- could they sexually assault the child. Personally I think it’s a very sensible thing for the mother to do.

Lean into it and enjoy the adult company this time, and you might get a feeling for why - not sure of the etiquette, wary of leaving him with strangers, desire to keep his behaviour under control, medical needs you're not aware of. That can inform any decision over whether to invite again!

@ColleenDonaghy lots of us already have lots of adult company.
I can see who many parents with younger children do not host play dates in their own home unless it is with adult friends and their children.

It’s always a bummer when you expect one thing socially + it morphs into something else entirely. I hear that.

I just think they’re so little still. I have a couple more years of sucking up things like this before they’ll be more than happy to scamper off with me.

Any time I’ve had a parent stay with a child for a play date, it has made for a stilted experience. Once I felt I was being assessed! I’d be inclined to text and say ‘no need to stay - I’ll text you if he is looking for you, but with our busy house, I’m sure he will be fine. Collect at 5 unless you hear from me. DS so excited!!’

Oh. I'm surprised to see these responses. I would stay with my child, for at least the first playdate. He's only six? And you've already said you'll be busy cooking tea and are going to leave the kids to it, and there's teenagers in the house? That would ring alarm bells for me. Six is so little. Anyway, I'd also like to get to know the other child's mum! Why so unfriendly? Isn't it a chance to make a new friend?

Wide range of experiences then! I live in a small area where you tend to know most of the other parents of the kids that age. I don't really care what people think of my house. That said I would have made it clear when arranging the playdate whether I was going to stay or not.

Also if you've got teens get one of them to run the hoover round! (They do do this when they're teens, right? Right???)

@GintyMcGinty how is is weird and awkward to want to stay with your six year old in an unknown house full of strangers and dogs? I think it's weirder to send your small child off without a backwards glance! With kids this young, it's 100% better to be safe than sorry.

Certainly not usual where I am picking my dd up from school with her friend them bk to mine for tea they play them mum picks up or I drop off is usually how it goes.

To be honest I wouldn't want a 6 year old left to their own devices in a strangers house and mixing with teens who I do not know, you sound very relaxed. My youngest is now 8, and while I let him play unsupervised with friends, I do check in and keep an eye on what they are doing.

Why does it have to be boring? Unless this mum is a spectacular drip she’s probably just very normal, and might even be funny and interesting!

@SoIRejoined why are you assuming they will be socialising with teens? Most teens want nothing to do with their siblings 6 year old friend.

@PollyPeep

it's weird to me because I've never known anyone to expect to do that.

It's weird because I wouldn't want to have to entertain a mum for the afternoon. Happy to have the kids to play together. But no need for me to have to play with the mum too.

Guess it's another one of the many cultural variances that happens in different parts of the country.

I agree a bit with this too, will you actually be keeping an eye on them?

How much of any eye do you expect a parent to keep on reasonable 6 year olds? Do you expect very close supervision? So eyes on all the time?

Is it on a Saturday? As that is less weird. Normal pick them up from school play dates is pretty weird, but Saturday at 6 maybe she wasn't clear?

@altoner because the OP said she expected they would be bugging the teenagers.

OP has known the mother for three years and the boy had been to the house before. People are responding as if they've never met.

At six my kids and their friends were definitely just dropped off at each others houses and picked up (with the mums maybe having a five or ten minute chat at one end or the other).

Why are posters scared of teenaged siblings? What are you expecting them to do that's so terrible?

I've had the parents come too for all my six year olds playdates so far. I figure they'd want to keep an eye at that age and would probably only expect them to drop and run once they know and trust me. It turns out all the mums have been great fun though so maybe I'm just lucky- but I've enjoyed getting to know them!