to be surprised by mother wanting to accompany child to a play date

[Whereisthesunny]

invited a 6 year old friends for a play date and it wasn’t until my son said today it won’t be a real play date as his friends mum was coming too so txt her to ask what she is picking up and it turns out she is planning on coming which i get but also feel bad as now it makes things so much complicated i have 3 other children at home plus will have. to cook tea for them. its not that i feel that she is unreasonable by coming along with child but it makes me worry realising that having 3 others in the house including teenagers it will be a bit awkward and complicated for me . Plus the child is scared of dogs so ill have another job trying to keep the dog away too.

That’s rude. I arranged to go the cinema with a newish friend once - without a word to me she decided she wasn’t well enough to go ( couldn’t be arsed ) and sent her bf who I’d never met In her place….

Some people are so odd. Maybe she was hoping for a throuple 😂

I've never known a school take a position on this

What's it got to do with them? They have enough to worry about IN school hours!

But I bet you discuss that at the arrangement.

Your kid doesn't just inform the other kid! Rude!

I don't get why you were informed the way you were though.

Somewhat rude imo

With respect OP, though the children have known one another awhile, I would be nervous leaving my 6 year old with adults/other kids I don't know well for an extended period of time... There are bad people out there. Straight up, but no offence intended, I'd want to scope your family out and assess whether I thought there was any risk to my child in your home. And of course I wouldn't verbalise that to you for risk of taking offense. As 6 is still very small, I would think other parent staying (at least for awhile) is a given; if something were to happen, my child may not have the words to tell me.

It's also fine to not invite these people as well

I can’t say if ever prevent my kids from the joy of having a friend over just because I’m frightened of having to speak to another woman

It is a good thing. Get to know the mum. Its not like she will want to come every time.

This. People seem terrified of everything these days. Raise your children to speak up if they feel uncomfortable anywhere, but fir goodness sake let them breathe, grow and gain confidence! This Mum has known OP for years.

Completely agree with this. How on earth will these kids cope as they get older? And mine are young teens so it wasn’t all that long ago they were 6.

I think it depends how the invite is worded but if it was my child being invited and it wasn't clear that I was expected as well, I would seek clarification rather than assume anything.

Of course? Nobody has to do anything they don’t want to do.

Other posters were saying it was unheard of behaviour. Well, maybe - if you live in a complete bubble.

I would HATE that OP. One of my best friends became my friend through our children being friends at 6. I didn’t stay at hers whilst my child was at hers nor her mine but the more they spent time together the more we had chats at the door and realised we had lots in common, this then moved on to cup of tea whilst they were together, sometimes not, sometimes we got together without them etc. now they are older and unfortunately not friends anymore but we still are.

I would absolutely detest being forced to try and make small talk with someone I don’t know for the duration of a play date.

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eplying to Emily Tjp:

It's not ridiculous, when you've heard what I have, its a small risk granted, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. At six years old it is very young to leave your child with adults they don't know and you don't really know, many mums on here agree with me. Personally I don't see why its such an effort to sit with another parent for a couple of hours while your child has fun to keep them safe.

But that's taken from the view of the visiting child's parents. The OP is written from the parent of the child in their own home. So glad playdates weren't such a thing when mine were young. I certainly wouldn't have wanted some random woman in my home just because her kid wanted to play. In fact I suspect many of those kids with clingy parents won't get so many invites

That’s exactly how I feel. Most people I know feel this way too. I have not met anyone who has this attitude the op and some pp have expressed towards parents of young children staying with their children at play dates.

@Samlewis96 Some random woman? WTF? Not a random woman, a parent of a young child who is not old enough to safeguard themselves. Anyone who had that hostile attitude towards me would be someone I would be steering my child away from.

When I was a 6 year old (40 odd years ago), no one would be that antisocial with the parents of their children’s friends. It was a given that parents would want to get to know the people their kids were associating with. And honestly, over my lifetime I haven’t seen that change much. Decent people understand and respect a parent’s role and responsibility towards their children.

The only people who try to convince parents to not look out for their children are usually predatory groomers.

See I am 52. We didn't have schoolfriends parents hanging in our house. I don't think my parents needed extra company while trying to chill after work. Mind you my mum didn't have " mum" friends but that's probably as she was working full time not sitting around with kids socialising

And at 6 we used to play outside not be in other people's houses