What's your timeline for throwing away wedding invitations?

[sockmuncher]

A relative dropped off her wedding invitation on Saturday morning.

I complimented the beautiful invitation. Then I copied the important details into my calendar and set the invitation on the side with the recycling.

We chatted on for a few hours & had a lovely catch up.

She has text me today to say she's been wondering whether to say anything or not but shes hurt the invitation was 'dumped' so quickly. It's got my back up, I appreciated the invitation and how beautiful it was but how long should I keep it for so it's been appreciated enough?

I'm not going to send anything back other than to apologise for hurting her feelings, but i have done this with every wedding / party invitation. Am I in the minority?

so @Edi8 if your friend did message you posting binning in front of her to say that she felt a little hurt

your response would be….?

Goodness this is getting Kafkaesque. No idea, not considered it. Would find it v odd that they thought it warranted a scolding text.

It’s actually quite funny how offended everyone is by OP’s manners and insisting on telling her in quite rude, direct ways 😂

Its only classed as rude when judging someone else I guess 🤷‍♀️

i don’t suppose any of us have considered this before this thread! 😂

@burnoutbabe I work in the visual arts and many of my female & male friends do too, some illustrators/graphic designers, so we have massive interest in the invites - it's my fav part in terms of decoration - I'm not that interested in chair bows/what wine is on the table and all the other stuff people take time & care over

That's not true. Plenty of people still send physical cards!!

OP I'm with you. It's just more crap to shove in a drawer and never look at again
I can't keep things just because someone spent money on them. Thats up to them.

I have a very small home and don't have the space to store every little thing that someone else deems sentimental

Sometimes they go on a noticeboard if I think I'll forget info, but if its a close friend I coukd just ask then I'd just do that

You are so rude.. and hurtful. As if you had to run to mumsnet to validate yourself as to being in the right over this. Feel sorry for your relative.

I'm glad that I don't know anyone on this thread in real life.

OP may be oblivious to how a particular act looks, but she wasn't trying to cause offence. Yet you are all calling her rude.

No, it's not actually obvious to everyone that transcribing the invitation data into the calendar and then immediately discarding the invitation would be rude. It wasn't obvious to me, I had to be taught it explicitly. This kind of undocumented expectation is a nightmare for autistic people.

so following that logic

we can never ever ever assume anyone is rude because they could be ND

and yet @VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia on another thread, you post 😂

Just a touch hypocritical there!

Questions that I consider it extremely rude to ask:

• Are you married? (Or dating, or any variations on the partnered theme)
• Do you have children?
• Do you have siblings? (Or how many sibs do you have?)
• Do you have pets?
• Where are you from?
• Whereabouts do you live?

If someone posted a thread saying "I asked a new colleague if she had any siblings and she looked awkward and said 'I had a brother but he died', AITA?" I would tell her "it's best to avoid that kind of question because you don't know whether someone's had that kind of tragedy". I would not say "You are so rude.. and hurtful. Your poor colleague." to quote one example from this thread.

Nor "Pretty harsh" or "rude as fuck" to quote too other examples.

There's constructive helpful criticism and there's putting the boot in. A lot of posters on this thread have done the latter.

why on earth are you going on about?

you list a long list of all the questions you find “rude”

with no mention that we should assume that someone may be ND

whereas on this thread….

When I listed what I find rude, I was not attacking another poster. I was not telling a specific individual that a specific thing that they had done was rude.

you regard someone saying that someone is “very rude” as “abusive”?

r. I was not telling a specific individual that a specific thing that they had done was rude.

the op asks whether we regard her as agreeing with her friend ie the OP is rude by starting this thread l

You're writing words like "abusive" in a way that makes it look like I used them. I didn't.

There are constructive ways of telling someone that their actions are likely to be interpreted as unpleasant. Explaining why helps a lot. You are so rude.. and hurtful. Your poor relative. doesn't explain anything.

The OP was asking for help. I tried to give it in my first reply.

Hard agree

Sometimes they go on a noticeboard if I think I'll forget info, but if its a close friend I coukd just ask then I'd just do that

Close friend: 'Oh all that info is on the invitation. We put it all on there so we didn't have to answer the same questions over and over again…' 😂

That's an excellent reason for keeping the invitation on the noticeboard. One friend got married and the invitation had taxi numbers, lists of local hotels, you name it in it to make our lives easier.

agree with others OP, so rude to dump
in front of her!

i shortened your exact phrase “putting the boot in. “

i should have been more accurate. agreed

but abusive and putting the boot in - i regard as one and the same

Where does the op ask for “help.”

because as far as i can see - she has posted in AIBU and asked **am i in the minority” and whether there’s a timeline for keeping

and people are answering

so please don’t present the op is beseeching us for help and that by answering her question - that we agree with her friend ie the op has been rude to bin in front of her, we are “putting the boot in”. It’s hyperbole if nothing else

This isn't the first thread I've been on where the OP's question has been an XY Problem.

When people are saying "your poor relative" and saying that they would uninvite her from the wedding and suchlike, it doesn't help OP avoid repeating her mistake. In the face of a wall of "you're rude", OP will feel attacked and double down. A wall of this is collectively putting the boot in in my view.

The XY Problem is "why was the bride upset by this and how do I avoid offending people in the future?" and the answer that helps is "don't discard even a business card in front of the giver, never mind a wedding invitation, because it is perceived as being dismissive of the giver".