Boyfriend wants to take my friend out on a date

[MayNov]

So, trying to keep this one short. My friend from out of town is coming to stay with me for a few days. My boyfriend has met her and gone out with us the last time she was in town. My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here (I can spend up to 4 hours gymming & swimming) and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Aibu to insist this would make anyone feel uncomfortable?

Yabu it wouldn't be uncomfortable for me. It's about trust & if you don't trust your boyfriend sorry but you probably shouldn't be together

Wow! Your boyfriend's a keeper. He is offering to give up his own time to entertain your friend while you are at the gym.

I honestly don't see the problem.

Unless you're suggesting that you don't trust your boyfriend and possibly your friend, in which case you need to reconsider either your inability to trust people or your choices as to the people in your life.

Turquoise123
How nice of him. Have to say I find it odd that you are uncomfortable and I don’t see what the issue is .

Mumof3confused
Maybe he’s a bit embarrassed that you’re gymming and swimming for 4 hours when you have a guest in town, and trying to cover up for you so your friend isn’t offended!

MumTeacherofMany
Its not a date. You're being rude leaving your mate for so long when she's come to see you

You people HAVE to be taking the piss at this point, surely. How is it possible to merrily post on a 2 day old, 18 page thread and not READ THE FUCKING UPDATES.

The friend doesn't agree!

@VoleChomper 😆

👌 Thank you. That was easier than reading 19 pages.

So are we saying dump him?

I think it’s a little odd [ie very rude] that you are having a gym/swim morning when you have a guest visiting from out of town. You should really take her on a guest pass or postpone it until she has left. Your BF sounds like an absolute gent for offering to entertain her while you are self-indulging and leaving her at a loose end.

YABU.

Does she want to gym and swim? Is it the kind of place you can buy a day pass and she can hot tub/sauna/steam if she doesn't want to gym? If you haven't asked her, or it isn't that sort of a gym then YABU for continuing to go when you have a friend staying. Also your boyfriend is doing the good, kind thing. If you don't like it, don't go to the gym and go for a walk and pub lunch instead.

This has already been gone through and explained

Please pleeeease pleeease install this Mumsnet

Provocatively purposefully phrased op to mislead. You’re faffing about and he’s entertaining your mate in your absence
Are you in WWE that you need 4 hour gym and swim? Are you a gym poseur?

I find it odd you have a friend staying and you are going to gym & swim. Rude. If you'd had to work for those 4 hours then that's different but you're planning on leaving your friend. That said I still think it odd and I'd be uncomfortable. Don't go to swim & gym and take yoyr friend out instead. Problem sorted. I'd say your BF fancies her. Good luck

Who invited your boyfriend to hang out with you two for most of the visit?

Well that's the question isn't it?

Maybe he booked some time off to get to know your old friend a bit better, if you're in a serious relationship, it would be only natural that he would want to, wouldn't it? And you're the one going off for half a day without her. You said he wanted to take her on a "date" which was misleading. Actually hes being a considerate host. Why not skip the gym this time, and all of you go for a walk and lunch.

to be fair i would have told him shes there to see you not your boyfriend and id be disappointed if id gone to spend time with my friend and her boyfriend 3rd wheeled the entire thing

Odd he has taken time off to spend with your friend and I agree that the outing you described is a date. YANBU . I don't get why people don't see that it is really strange behaviour.

Thirded. I'd even contribute to the cost of developing it.

It is quite odd. If my friends come to visit they get a cheery wave and hello from my DP as he passes through the house on the way out/upstairs/out of the way. He might join us for a drink or dinner if we were at home, but he’d clear off again fairly quickly. If we went out for dinner he probably wouldn’t join us unless a partner or husband was there too. Your DP does sound very overinvested- taking days off work and wanting to go for a walk and a pub lunch alone with your friend. Either he fancies her or he’s trying to muscle in on the friendship. Very weird.

Boyfriend sounds weird. My dh wouldn't take days off work because my friend was coming to stay for a few days.

Apologies. Serves me right for not RTFT!

@DungballInADress I do that sometimes 🙂

So you obviously have trust issues with your partner AND your friend. Did you pick up on a vibe between them?

Fourth vote in agreement @VoleChomper

When I come late to a thread, I don’t read all the posts but I do at least read any updates from the OP. I mean, to figure out what it is actually about. I guess people don’t take the time to do this anymore?

Suspect you've got loads of replies but I'd be looking at why you feel this way.

For context my friend's husband has just stayed with me for a week while he attended a conference in my home city.

Another friend's husband and I are going to an exhibition together on Saturday. She isn't coming as she isn't remotely interested in the content.

I've known these blokes a long time >20 years but we only met because of who they are married to. And we must have had a first outing (definitely not a date) at some point but what it was has got lost in the mists of time.

Really agree with this after reading all your updates, trust your instincts OP.