That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

He is a very young child who (quite rightly) thinks that boys have short hair and girls have long hair.

Quite rightly? I think you've maybe worded this a bit strangely, OP. It sounds like you're suggesting boys should have short hair, and I'm sure that's not what you meant. Because that would be ridiculous.

You are not normal. You are old fashioned and your kids are going to struggle as they grow up in the current world. I am already sympathising with your kids given your backwards attitudes.

Repeatedly sounds very much like teasing unacceptable

It's fine if he mistook him for a girl but now he knows you need to try to get him not to. It's not hard

but yours has reminded me that some normal people actually exist in this country

This is funny. I'm starting to get a sense of things here. How do you feel about immigrants?

It's a myth that Jesus had long hair. He didn't look any different to other men at that time, who had short hair.

All you criticising the OP are not normal

According to the OP!

Also, welcome to Mumsnet, OP.

"He is a very young child who (quite rightly) thinks that boys have short hair and girls have long hair."

Thought you believed in sex not gender? Short hair for boys and long for girls is a gendered stereotype.

Genuine question - what is depicted on children’s tv/books etc these days? I wonder if some concepts of boys/girls in children of 3 are still influenced by these.

She's not even old fashioned....

Really depends what "pass comment" means in this situation, but funnily enough, you haven't specified.

Was it a casual referring to the 4 year old as "she" before being told he was a he? Or was it "haha, you look like a girl. My mum says girls have long hair and boys have short hair."

YANU. Girls and boys can "quite rightly" have whatever hair length they so wish.

@porridgeisbae so that’s what you and your loving God think, that this little boy is a disgrace for having long hair?

Brown and blue dogs (who happened to be girls)?

They probably reported it to the nursery because the child with the long hair is upset and told his parents. If you have corrected your child and said no he is a boy and he is still calling him a girl then your child is in the wrong and you need to keep on reinforcing that this isn't nice. My son had long hair in a ponytail and random people in the street would say she's lovely or she's such a good girl and I would always just say he's a boy. His nursery friends knew he was a boy because he has a male name and he would correct them your child should know by now the child is a boy and calling him a girl is child bullying. I know at this age these things happen but try your best to nip it in the bud. Maybe show your child images of male characters with long hair or men with man buns famous actors he might know to reinforce this.

The mistake isn't the issue. My DS used to have long hair. Kids would ask if he was a boy or a girl. He'd say I'm a boy. They'd say ok. Some, rarely would ask why he had long hair. He'd say boys can have long hair too, it's not the most usual but he likes it. And that was as far as it ever went. That's fine.

Someone continually calling a long haired boy a girl is bullying. Three year olds aren't deliberately trying to bully to cause hurt. But they need to be taught that their assumption was understandable but once they know better, they have to accept it.

Your title makes it clear that you think the little boy is just asking for trouble by daring to look different and deserves what he gets by way of teasing and bullying from your properly macho son. I despair!

Your son is picking on another child in the nursery/playschool purely because that other child has long hair.

There is no "quite rightly" about boys having short hair and girls having long hair. Girls have short hair too. Boys have long hair too. It's each to their own.

I can't believe some of your own comments on this thread because it is coming across as such a blinkered environment for your 3 year old to be growing up in.

Please set him straight that boys and girls can have both long and short hair and it is up to the individual to decide what works for them. He may want long hair too. Would you allow that for him?

Please also set him straight that dolls are for everyone as are cars and trucks and play kitchens and girls can be doctors and boys can be nurses.

Good grief!

No wonder young men have such high suicide rates if, when they have shoulder length hair at 4 years old, they are repeatedly and purposefully misgendered and not only does it go uncorrected it’s deemed as “well what did your expect”.

See how that works both ways?

No one called a 3 year old an evil misogynist. They said this sort of behaviour needs to be addressed at that age and not ignored or it can l lead to bullying behaviour and misogyny in later life.

You think men wake up at 21 and suddenly decide they’re going to hold harmful views on gender? You don’t think you teach kids life skills and how to behave when they are kids? You wait until they’re adults?

Parent your child and nip this in the bud. It’s essentially bullying.

My eldest boy has very long hair. He regularly gets mistaken for a girl. He corrects people at sports clubs/scout camps etc. But he doesn’t bother correcting strangers or people in stores etc who say ‘she’ or ‘girl’ as it’s pointless.

He got comments in reception class and corrected them. Now they are older no-one says anything. He is just accepted amongst his peers.

The only person who has remotely irritated/confused me (my son isn’t bothered) is a woman I see every week who says ‘she and her’ despite me telling her every week ‘he is a boy, he just has long hair’. A couple of friends also remind her too.
The woman asks me ‘Did she have a good week at school?’ ‘Did she enjoy camp last week?’. ‘She has such beautiful hair’. Etc. I am not sure why she struggles to remember, I have known her ages, she has children and a professional job etc. She just seems to struggle to either remember or accept it - not sure which!

This thread needs to get zapped - are we sure this is even real?

If you hadn’t put (quite rightly) I’d have more sympathy but boys, or girls for that matter, don’t have a set hair length.
In my DS1 football team (age 13) there is a complete mix of hair lengths with at least 3 having hair past their shoulders. In DS2’s team (age 10) there’s 2 I can think of. We live in a sheltered rural community so I imagine in other places it’s even more common.