That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

Have you not left your house since the 70s?

Not a disgrace himself, obviously he's a child, but it's not something the parents should be doing. At that age his parents choose what's done to his hair, so they're the ones choosing it.

He is a very young child who (quite rightly) thinks that boys have short hair and girls have long hair.

@mrsfinch6 it’s clearly not ‘quite right’ - there’s an example right in front of him of a boy with long hair……

Surprised you don’t know any men with long hair tbh. I wouldn’t stress out too much as he’s only 3 but maybe start pointing out gender non conforming examples in real life - eg your older son with his pink scooter and unicorns. Prime example right there! Perfect.

So Sikhs and Rastafarians are just druggies?

how do you feel about immigrants?

Oh my gosh stop putting people in a box! This is a horrible, ignorant, bigoted, narrow minded, presumptuous way of treating people. That because they think X they must also think Y and Z.

If a kid wants his hair long, his parents could just say 'no, you will get bullied because people will think you and us are weird.'

You are utterly insane 😂

Exactly this. My nephew has beautiful long hair, and my son around the age of 5 had to be reminded multiple times not to call him 'she', but it was a genuine error (based on gender stereotypes and norms - he was not used to seeing boys or images of boys with hair that long), not teasing in any way.

My little boy used to have shoulder length blonde hair. He's quite a sturdy boyish looking boy but his hair was very pretty and occasionally adults and children would think he was a boy. There's no issue with your child making a mistake, however once he's aware you should be teaching him that it's unkind to keep saying it.

Or, the 3 years old boys being told they're girls for having long hair might be the ones contributing to your theory's.

Your kid making a mistake once is fine, and you should tell him not to refer to the other child as a girl because he doesn’t like it. You not correcting this is out of order.

Nursery are right to call him and you out in it; it’s upsetting another classmate. Yes the other parents are inviting confusion by letting him have long hair, this does not give everyone carte Blanche to tease him though.

i could reasonably be called ‘gender critical’ but I don’t believe the pink/long hair is for girls crap.

Yes, your child is only 3. He hasn’t done anything wrong. This is a teaching moment though.

you need to have a conversation about how the length of hair does not make someone a boy or a girl. Just like how the clothing someone wears does not make them a boy or a girl. Just how what toys a person plays with does not make them a boy or a girl.

3 was really the first time my own child was exposed to intense gender stereotypes and they hit her hard. I suspect that other children are indoctrinated pretty heavily at this age as well. You can counteract the gender influence of nursery fairly easily with conversations and setting good examples at home.

Obviously I'm talking about non-Sikhs- in Sikhism it's customary. Yes, I live close to a lot of Rastafarians (it is a religion usually chosen by the person) and a lot of them do smoke pot.

There's a difference between making a mistake and name calling. Making a mistake is meeting someone for the first time and misgendering them. It can happen to children or adults of any age: you meet someone, they look (to you) like a man/woman/boy/girl and you address them as such. This isn't usually a problem, assuming everyone is well-meaning, it was an innocent mistake, and you apologise immediately. The situation with this child is completely different: he knows that the child in his class is a boy and is deliberately calling him a girl because of his hairstyle. That's not a mistake, it's done on purpose. The child is young enough that it's unclear how much malice would be behind the comment, but either way it is a deliberate choice to misgender a fellow pupil, not an accident.

Where I live there's a big Sikh community, lots of little boys with long hair in plaits and top knots. Imagine if OP's son commented negatively about that!

Have a quick look online at the types of young men committing suicide before you make these assumptions. It's predominantly disenfranchised, poor men doing manual jobs, mainly construction workers.

I don’t think I’ve ever read a more unreasonable post on here. Educate your child.

I have a three year old and find it a bit bizarre that your child has such strong opinions on gender stereotypes.

In all the groups we go to, it’s just as common to see boys playing with dolls as it is to see girls. Same with cars/dinosaurs/dressing up clothes… basically anything some people may see as ‘girl’ or ‘boy’ toys. I honestly thought the rubbish about gendered toys and clothing came later.

Of course he’s not a bully for commenting on something like hair length. If he’s only used to seeing girls with long hair, it’s natural that he’d make that connection. He’s only three.

As his parent though, it’s your job to explain that boys and girls can have their hair however they want and that teasing is wrong.

If you believe in sex rather than gender, it makes sense to be shit hot on this issue. A boy is still a boy if he has long hair and a girl is still a girl if she shaves hers off. Sex is biological and has nothing to do with made up ‘rules’ about how we should behave. The fewer little boys being allowed to laugh at things for being ‘feminine’ the better.

Oh give yourself peace

There is plenty of data on the type of young men committing suicide, and it doesn't fall into what you are claiming.

Is it weird for a boy to have long hair?

Quite rightly… so you’re projecting your belief that boys can only have short hair onto your child… bloody hell

That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

maybe once, not constant.

Mum to a boy 4yo boy with shoulder length curly hair, at play centres I've had children when he was say 3 who were around the same age ask is he a boy or a girl? Why does he have long hair? Told them he was a bit and be abuse he likes it! None if those kids carried it on or ask anything else literally just oh OK and carried on, curious as kids are to ask and just left it when they got a reply which is fine and how it should be!

Tbh get more comments from adults than kids about his hair, 2 women in a restaurant last week telling me he's definitely not a boy!!! Wtaf.

But constantly calling him a girl I'd go straight to you not the school tbh to tell you to tell your child to pack it in and that you should teach him some manners.
Passes me off!! He might only be 3 but being that type of child starts at some age doesn't it..... clearly it can be at 3

Everyone has lost their minds on this thread!!
Of course a three year old is going to assume another small child is a girl if they have long hair. They don’t exactly see the world with much nuance at that age. I remember having a similar conversation with DS at that age. He saw Dave Grohl on TV and referred to him as a ‘she’
I corrected him and said he is, in fact, a man and that males can have long hair too.
That was it. Conversation over. No ‘bullying’ or ‘victim blaming’ as someone else referred to up thread. Seriously, calm down!!