That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

Why do you suspect that it was persistent? That's not what the nursery told her as far as I can see

If he’s misunderstanding then who cares. If it’s intentionally doing it then it’s not very nice, is it…

He is a very young child who (quite rightly) thinks that boys have short hair and girls have long hair.

’Quite rightly’? Luckily your dc will soon learn that their mother has a very narrow and prejudiced view of the world.

What is your opinion on girls with pixie cuts? Acceptable?

FWiW, your ds has done nothing wrong. He is a child but you as his parent are failing him by not teaching him to be accepting of others.

Well the three year old IS being a bully. It's not his fault as he is too little to understand this, but he is a product of his upbringing and what he has been exposed to. No three year old knows instinctively that pink is for girls and they have long hair -they've been told or shown that.
You can have what views you want OP. Don't be surprised when your child is complained about for repeating those views and using them to tease another child though.

However, most parents hopefully don't perpetuate the myth that long hair on boys is "Quite rightly" wrong.

You claim to believe in Sex not Gender. But then you say: He is a very young child who (quite rightly) thinks that boys have short hair and girls have long hair.

The thing about this is that it's just so blatantly not true and is so incredibly gender specific.

It is true that boys are more likely to have short hair and girls are more likely to have long so sure, the odd three year old might get confused. But it's one of those super easy things to fix and the fact that your child continued to insist th boy was a girl and that you are so fixed on this suggests you've never taken the time to fix it. ONE conversation, "oh, no Johnnie, sometimes boys have long hair and sometimes girls have short hair" and bang, this entire issue goes away without any fuss.

You are absolutely flamingly unreasonable to not correct your child, yes.

He is a very young child who (quite rightly) thinks that boys have short hair and girls have long hair.

Quite rightly? oh go away

That. The first time maybe he was mistaken. But he now knows that the child is a boy and the nursery staff will already have made that clear to him. So he is now deliberately teasing the other child and upsetting him.
The child's parent is doing what we would encourage any parent in this situation to do. Tell the staff and hope that they will address it. And they have.

Just tell your child to stop bullying his classmate.

YABU.

Just tell him boys can have long hair too, I'm amazed he only knows one boy with long hair to be honest, it's fairly common.

You say you believe in sex not gender, so what's the problem with reinforcing that?
I'd be concerned with giving a child the message that "blue is for boys, long hair is for girls" etc, it's one step away from "if you like having long hair you must actually be a girl".

I still stand by my original statement that if a 4 year old child has shoulder length, curly blonde hair then it is to be expected that other children in that age group will pass comment.

Nonsense. These are your prejudices being set onto your child.

The fact the nursery has told you means they don't teach this either.

I mean, where will you draw the line? What other differences have you taught him are wrong?

Luckily your dc will soon learn that their mother has a very narrow and prejudiced view of the world.

Sadly, probably not. But the child may well become the local class bully, accusing boys of "throwing like a girl" or telling the girls they can't play football etc etc. We have one of those in DD's class.

People who are able to grasp nuanced concepts tend to have children who are more able to do so too. That might be why you believe it’s an “actual fact” that they can’t.

By quite rightly, she probably means "understandably", in the sense that this is the case the majority of the time and what he would see depicted in books and TV etc.

A young child might assume the boy with shoulder legnth hair is a girl. The adults should then correct this assumption when it is highlighted to them. That is what has happened no idea what you wanted anyone to do differently?

Boy was upset at being called a girl. Parent told nursery and nursery told you. Would you rather they hadn't mentioned it?? How would you expect child to learn?

It’s a shame you’re happy raising your son to be judgemental and narrow minded like yourself.

But no one has said he shouldn’t have passed comment. They’ve said that when he does make this sort of comment you should correct him. You’ve already done that so you obviously agree.

You’re the one making it into a huge drama!

Jumped the shark there with the "quite rightly" comment OP. Nice try. Reported - goady AF

If you believe in sex not gender I don’t understand why you’re saying you son “(quite rightly) thinks that boys have short hair”. You’re reinforcing gender stereotypes there!

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys,

This is probably the problem. My son liked all the blue/ dinosaurs/ superheros at 3 but he knew it wasn't 'for boys'.

Now that I know what a reverse thread is.. this is definitely one of those!

Yes YABU absolutely.

Teach your children people can have long hair, short hair, pink hair or blue hair and it doesn't matter whether it's a boy or girl.

Wooooah that's an extremely ungenerous stereotyping of a 3 year old who made one mistake

But it's NOT what children see in books and tv or around them. I mean, it is true that I find that girls are very unlikely to have short hair, but boys and men with long hair is pretty common and it's kind of astonishing it hasn't come up before.