That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

But that’s demonstrably not true, is it? Girls do have short hair and boys do have long hair.

i really hope this is a troll, but on the off chance it isn’t:

What you mean is, you have already taught a three year old that only girls are allowed to have long hair, wear pink and like unicorns, or whatever other ridiculous cliches you’ve picked, and any boy who doesn’t stick to rigid gender roles is wrong and needs repeatedly slapping down. Lovely. Of course the school are stepping in, it IS bullying, and if it carries on into primary school it is likely it will be seen as either homophobic bullying, or misogynistic bullying (depending on whether it is a boy or a girl he is bullying).

What other nonsense are you filling his head with? Only daddies can be doctors, mummies have to be nurses? Girls can’t be scientists or spacemen? Boys aren’t allowed to like art or music? Girls aren’t allowed to play football with the boys in the playground, they have to play by themselves?

Ah thank you for finally answering the girls hair question

We have now reached the fairly obvious conclusion to your logic. If a little girl has short hair it will of course be entirely her fault if boys don't respect her personal space and body, because they cannot possibly be expected to know that she is a little girl as they have been taught girls=long hair boys=short hair and as you keep advocating for "boys will be boys"

You can't provide statistics because your theory is some wierd regressive gender conservative theory which you are trying to dress up as gender critical

Bollocks from top to bottom.

My son has long hair because he likes having long hair. From as soon as he was aware of his hair and how it looked he loved it

(we know several long haired men, and there are loads on tv etc- it isn’t actually unusual on adult men, less so on boys)

He is completely in charge of his appearance, if he wanted it cut it would be.

Far from being bullied at mainstream or fee paying school, his hair was either ignored or occasionally admired. Most people don’t actually give a shit what other people do with their hair.

People frequently mistake him for a girl, but he doesn’t care.

I wonder whether the trans people going back to the 14th century know that they couldnt have existed because a poster said so....

14th century men wore tunics (dresses) so according to OP’s 3 year old they were actually all girls anyway 🤷‍♀️

Go on then, we will humour you. Explain

What books? The bloody Gruffalo?

I don't think it's shocking that your son passed comment 3 year olds speak as they find and learn what is and isn't acceptable as they grow.
What I'm struggling with is that you think the parents raising this with nursery is extreme, their child was obviously hurt by these comments and they addressed with nursery because of this, as any patent would. As I'm sure you would if something happened which caused your child upset.

Explain what

Well yes this is a very good point

And all those vikings with their long hair, definitely girls

I can't provide statistics about many things I believe in. I don't think they often take the argument forward.

You miss the point. I am sorry if I am expressing it badly but i I do wonder if you could read a little more carefully.
I don't think long haired boys offer any greater threat to girls than short-haired boys. I am sure most long-haired boys are delightful.
I certainly wasn't blaming girls of whatever hair length if they are treated badly by boys.

I was looking at this on the societal level. There seems to be an increasing problem in people recognising their gender and understanding the limitations that imposes on them. I was positing, without any statistics to back it up, that perhaps one of the reasons that there is so much confusion over gender with the increased threat to the safety of women was because we have blurred some of the traditional distinctions between boys and girls.

You obviously don't like the answers you're getting.... it looks like the majority doesn't agree with gender stereotyping and your apparent reinforcement of them via your child.

Or the 17th century ! Long curly wigs, tights, and lace-trimmed tunics. Basically drag queens.

Unless they declare themselves a woman and are allowed to compete against women, of course.

Yeah I'm not stupid despite your frequent implications that I must be

I even manage to read properly despite being partially sighted so thanks for that little dig

I've not missed your point at all. I, like multiple other posters, fundamentally disagree with your point. That doesn't mean I've missed it, it doesn't make me stupid, it doesn't mean I cannot read.

There seems to be an increasing problem in people recognising their gender and understanding the limitations that imposes on them.

Sex. I would say there is absolutely no issue whatsoever with people recognising their gender. in fact I would love it if they could do a little less recognising of their many many many genders and do a little more recognising of their sex.

I was positing, without any statistics to back it up, that perhaps one of the reasons that there is so much confusion over gender with the increased threat to the safety of women was because we have blurred some of the traditional distinctions between boys and girls.

And I, and many other posters disagree that imposing regressive gender stereotypes on people will make women safer. Recognising that gender isn't a thing, and that sex based rules are needed in some instances will make women safer. The length of a person's hair doesn't determine their sex and is therefore irrelevant to sex based rights and needs. Only gender based. But I am gender critical and reject the kind of gender stereotyping which you, and TRAs rely on.

Well absolutely. But given long hair isn't a requirement for men to declare themselves women and demand to play in women's sports its still irrelevant to the sex based issues.

@Dantedisciple

'Traditional distinctions...'???

Like what, jobs the different sexes are allowed to do? Household roles? Political influence? All of these 'traditional distinctions' start and are reinforced in the early years of life. We were making progress with stopping the constructed ideas around gender, and this progress has been thrown into confusion now by TRAs. The differences in sex, however, are not constructs, they're genuine, but children need only to know how sexual differences affect biological development and sexual health and safety.

What different standards and customs are you thinking of? Using the correct toilet for their sex is the only one I can think of and that is taught to children from a young age.

About 14th century trans people

There seems to be an increasing problem in people recognising their gender

The 4 year old with long hair is perfectly aware of their sex (assuming that's what you mean by gender). They are a boy.

It's the OPs 3 year old that has the apparent problem recognising that. And the OP. And others that insist boys have short hair.

I still don't know what you want me to explain

I totally don't expect anyone to read all the posts on the thread but I'm wondering if you have actually read the posts that lead to that sarcastic post of mine?

YABU in saying it isn't your child's issue and the parents have wrongly reported it. What if it was e.g. a child with red hair where your son kept commenting over and over about their hair colour? Or that they were chubby? If my child came home upset another child kept saying things about them I'd absolutely expect nursery to take action. IMO you've handled it in the right way but I would also have added that it's unkind to keep saying things that are making others unhappy.

Don’t forget all the makeup!

I think it's the opposite. People are dissatisfied by their sex precisely because they have been taught that long hair=girl, not liking makeup and sexy clothes=boy. If anyone can do anything there is no point in changing gender.

I also do not believe that a man who likes dresses is any more of a threat to women than any other man. The issue is with people who use these current trends and exploit them as a way to get into women's spaces.

Is anyone going to tell these chaps they’re girls?