That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

You want me to provide statistics that boys having long hair has no impact on their respect for single sex spaces?

Urm the vast majority of the British navy for many many years? I mean they certainly weren't confused what a single sex spaces was despite being known for having long hair...

Men have had long hair in many cultures including British over hundreds if not thousands of years. This whole "men can't have long hair" is a incredibly new phenomenon so yes, if you think it's problematic you do need to be the one to prove that

My son has bum length hair- at 3-4 it was past his shoulders in blonde ringlets.

Kids at nursery mistook him for a girl a few times, but once he had told them he was a boy they understood. Every time a new child started it would happen once or twice again, then the kid would get used to it and that would be it.

However one kid repeatedly went on and on about it. Not accidentally saying ‘she’ instead of ‘he’, or asking ‘are you a girl or a boy?’ as is age appropriate- he went on about how he shouldn’t have long hair and must be a girl, every day at nursery.

My son asked me about it after several weeks-

Him- “why does X keep saying this? I’ve told him I’m a boy.

Me- “why do you think?”

Him- “ he is a bit mean… or a bit stupid”

Me- “or both… just ignore him and play with someone else”.

@mrsfinch6 only you know whether he has asked once or twice or said the wrong word like little kids will, or whether he fits into the other category…

Yep- setting your kid up to fail.

If they carry on upsetting other people by making negative comments about their appearance based on the (incorrect) assumptions they have learned at home, they will end up in a lot more trouble.

What is glossed over as ‘just kids’ at 4, won’t be in a few years.

You son of a gun but what an unfortunate example.
Traditionally there were only single sex spaces on ships. Women were not allowed. A few women were smuggled on board but they were prostitutes, usually trafficked ones at that, and passed from hammock to hammock and raped.

Yes traditionally there were only single sex spaces on ships. Women were not allowed

Oh wait that sounds like men with long hair understood what single sex spaces were, almost like you are proving my point for me.

Now unless you are trying to imply that three year old boys with long hair are destined to grow up to be rapists then the fact that sailors, like many men at the time, used prostitutes, I'm not sure what point that's proving.

I take it you still have no statistics that prove men with long hair don't respect single sex spaces. Perhaps you can answer my pervious question, are you saying that little girls have to have long hair?

@Dantedisciple what the ever loving fuck does that have to do with LITTLE BOYS having long hair? Everything you say makes me cringe

I have a son with lovely long blonde hair that would probably be the envy of a lot of people. Loads of people have called him a girl and I'm not bothered - I'd only be bothered if someone insisted he had short hair.

My son had severe LD though, so isn't aware of being called girl much of the time.

I don't see why it is a huge ask to explain that girls can have short hair and boys long sometimes. I'd get embarrassed if my son's called a lady a man because she had a pixie cut. I don't see why the nursey couldn't have explained this either too, but maybe they thought it should come from you.

@Dantedisciple

You're giving off very creepy, Incel vibes. Please stop.

I think the other parents need to take at least some ownership here. He isn't their flipping dolly. You have to wonder if they might want to consider if their own obvious desperation for a long haired little girl might be having a negative impact on the visual perception of their little boy. I knew one mother so desperate for her son to be a daughter that she even dressed him in girls clothes. Maybe have his hair cut if it troubles them so much that other children think he looks like a girl. He's going to get the absolute piss ripped out of him in main stream school just because they think he looks 'cute'.

What absolute bollocks. You see loads of little boys with long hair these days.

I didn't even read this assuming your son had been mean. You don't mention the comment your son made, I initially read it that he had just wrongly called a boy with long hair a girl.
I think it's pretty reasonable for a 3 year old to assume long hair means girl because the vast majority of girls have long hair. Shocked by how many comments are attacking you!

Well done for the convo you had. YANBU.

Having long hair didn't make the sailors recognise or respect single sex spaces There was no need as there was only single sex spaces. Your example was a disaster.

If you want a foolish historical example pretending to be a statistic (as with your absurd example of the navy in the jack tar era) let's go back to the 1950s. All men and boys had short, back and sides and there were no men in women's toilets or in sporting competitions for women. Men didn't use female pronouns and insist on being incarcerated in women's prisons.

But I don't pretend that is a statistic. I resent not being able to posit a theory without someone having obtained sociological data on it first. It is an idea. If it is such a bad one it can easily be shot down.

Was it Disraeli who said: lies, damn lies and statistics? I rather agree with him. I've just googled it and google suggests it was Mark Twain which is bad for me because one of his great characters was Huckleberry Finn, who was a fabulous boy who had long hair.

As other of my posts have made clear I have nothing against men or boys with short hair.

I don't know whether little girls have to have long hair. As with boys with short hair I think I would encourage it rather than compel it.

Tells me all I need to know…

Wow folks you heard it here first. Trans people didn’t exist until after the 1950s when men realised they didn’t have to cut their hair anymore 😐

I totally agree.

My DS is four and has longish blonde curly hair. Nobody has ever said anything and I doubt it raises an eyebrow at school. He's not the only boy with long hair either, it's just not that unusual these days.

And no, it's not long because I want him to be a girl - I have two of those!! It's long because that's how he wants it.

I doubt the apple has fallen far from the tree in this case.

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys

Bloody yell. Your child is only 3 yet is already parroting stereotypes?

That's on you. You need your deal with this now. Don't let another boy grow up to be another misogynistic dickheaf.

It's interesting that your reaction is to blame someone else for the fact that your child made a comment that upset another child. Personally I would be telling my child x is a boy and he doesn't like being called a girl. Stop that or you will have a consequence and be in trouble at home and at nursery.

The nursery is being way OTT with "there was an incident" when talking about this and 3 year olds.

They should correct in nursery, they should let you know in passing so you can correct at home as any normal parent would not want another 3 year old upset. Parents of long haired boy are fine to mention to nursery so they know the child is upset but would be OTT if they complained about 3 year olds who might not see that many boys with long hair.

Surely, while it should be gently corrected, a kid being called a girl at 3 is better than them coming home with teeth marks!!

It is all mountain out of molehill stuff by the parent, nursery and OP!

That is not what I said.
We know that this is a complicated and difficult question that divides opinion and cause strife and heart. Wrongly putting words into people's mouths is just cheap.

Is this learned behavior from you as a parent, do your children hear you diss people's appearances and think its acceptable?
Absolutely you need to straighten your son up and tell him bullying is unacceptable behaviour, nip this in bud, as this could get him into serious trouble as he gets older, imagine he starts bullying another child for been disabled or fat.
And as to think the child in question parents are ott for complaining to the teacher about your kid, why shouldn't they, whst would you do if the boot was on the other foot?
Tbh you sound very entitled and think your kids are angels !!

Well, what ISN’T complicated or difficult is working out whether some men having long hair has an impact on women’s sport. It doesn’t. Hope that helps.

Mn is strange sometimes...this is a 3 year old child. Op child just being a normal child. Long hair is strange on a boy despite what mn thinks. They do look like a girl. Their choice but a 3 year old would think child is a girl due to books etc. op yanbu. Mn yabu

It's not a very high bar for our children to accept parental condoning of behaviours that are the forerunner of bullying as long as our kids are not being bitten.

Are you okay OP, you're very defensive. Sorry you're having a hard time with trying to educate him.

Bullies raise bullies, while your children might be too young to be bullies now, that only lasts for so long, and for so many incidents.