That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

He is a very young child who (quite rightly) thinks that boys have short hair and girls have long hair.

But he doesn't think that 'quite rightly', does he?! Because some girls do have short hair and some boys do have long hair.

You are clearly one of those very tiresome people who post on AIBU with absolutely no intention of considering that you might actually be unreasonable, even when you have repeatedly been told you are.

How come all the other three year olds manage to coope with the boy with the long hair and understand him to be a boy, but yours just thinks long hair = girl.

Nothing to do with your very strong sexism over whether boys should have long or short hair....

and DS3 has been calling him a girl

This sentence was your original downfall. It read like he has been told the other child was a boy, but continued to call him a girl on different occasions.

You should have clarified straight away that it was one session this happened. Yes, I do think if it was once and only your child that called him a girl, that the other parents were OTT.

However, you dont know this. This may have happened multiple times with the other child and the nursery is telling all parents whose kids have miss gendered/sexed (take your pick) the kid

No, parent your child. Its ridiculous to think hair length has any meaning to Gender/sex whatever. show them men with long hair in history!

Its fair enough about the comments but not in how you have made out like the other kids parents are at fault for keeping his hair long!

your son is basically bullying someone For it too.

He has to get used to being a boy.

The more we encourage little boys to have long hair the more they will want to invade women's safe spaces when they are big boys.

Unless he just thought he was a girl but it reads like your saying he was teasing the kid about having girl hair

Huh wot?!

I think the OP would argue the sky is green and the grass is pink if it meant she could get a rise out of people.

Christ almighty! Is this comment for real? Why would you think that a boy with long hair would think he was a woman so able to use womens spaces? What utter nonsense.

Whilst I too believe in sex and not chosen gender. I respect personal choice and support anyone who would like me to address them in a certain way. I do this because 1. I’m respectful and 3. I really care for others who think and feel differently.

Feelings are hugely important. I would like to
say you’re completely horrifically unreasonable.

What you are effectively telling your child is that if someone is different to them, then they should be teased for it because they have put themselves out there.

So does this mean that you will be supportive of your child if he wishes to make fun of someone a different race or someone with a disability or someone with special education needs??

I don’t think you have thought this one out for the impact on the other child and your own child is going to be huge based on what you decide.

I couldn’t think of a more unkind response to this situation.

This is the most fucking stupid thing I have ever read

The kid probably needs a hair cut!
does it look “neat” or a blooming mess?!

it’s not your fault … nursery could be engaging with the books and other resources they have available. Chances are 90%+ of what the children see at nursery the boys will have shorter hair than the girls.

yes you can say “James is a boy, I know he has long hair, that’s his choice”, but where it’s a one off comment it’s not unreasonable.

it’s a learning point for a three year old. & well done to you for reinforcing it, but don’t over do it!
a small “correction” of an observation is all that’s needed not being berated and educated on every male that has ever had long hair !!

observations about people are healthy and normal ! Shows he has an awareness of what’s going on around him.

he sounds like a lovely three year old to me!

Hard disagree

TRAs rely on gender stereotypes

Reinforcing gender stereotypes plays right into their hands

No I don’t think it’s reasonable.
My three boys all had (two still have ) long hair my eldest grew his to about waste length.
He cut it back when he was about 11, but still long.
No one ever called him a girl. You’d get the odd, wow great hair comment.
Even at football practices opposing teams who didn’t know him didn’t say anything.
The same goes for my other two.

As an aside at school in a Governors meeting the HT said there would be a new rule that all boys had to have short hair. My dh, a school Governor, pointed out that was sexist and all girls should have to cut their hair too. HT settled for tying it back😀

But so funny. Blimey….they walk amongst us

LOL my dad (75 yo) has shoulder length white hair. What have you said to your son about... WIZARDS????

I've mistaken small boys with flowing locks for girls, I said, so sorry, my mistake! Anyone can have any haircut they like.

Because they can 👍

You sound part of the problem

If they've been indoctrinated you mean

Your dad is clearly a hippie druggie according to some posters.

WTF does ‘sex, not gender’ have to do with hair length????

You’re absolutely ridiculous and teaching your children to become bullies!

WTAF.

I can't even begin to respond to this. Beyond stupid.

Yabu. They only want you to talk to him. If he knows the other child is a boy he’s teasing him so it makes sense for you to just reinforce that we don’t do that. I don’t see that your views on gender come into it. Boys are allowed to have long hair and it would be really nice if parents encouraged their children to let them be!

I doubt this bullshit comment is for real.

Absolutely ridiculous. The only things that make a boy a boy are chromosomes and genitals, both of which have bugger all to do with hair length.