That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

It's this type of thinking that means my daughter was criticised for being trans on the way home from school as she had short hair! A boy (older than yours) said to his mum, look that's a boy with a skirt on and the mum replied 'don't look at them, they are doing it for attention'.

Women can have short hair, in fact in the 80's everyone had short hair. It's such a shame that everything has gone more rigid and not less.

Quite a lot of younger boys have long hair these days. It’s really common and actually often seen as quite ‘cool’ (I’m a primary school teacher).

I do think you should take this more seriously and not be so defensive about the other parents. If it’s to the point where they’re contacting nursery then it’s obviously affecting their son. I’d do exactly the same as them in their position. If your child was being upset by another child repeatedly, wouldn’t you do the same? Doesn’t really matter what your child is saying, he’s upsetting someone so you need to help him out with this. Don’t dismiss it and please please don’t be one of those parents whose child can do no wrong.

My interpretation is that your son most likely knows that the other child is a boy and that the comment was made in an unkind and teasing way.

Our nursery once pulled me aside and said a parent had complained about my son slapping another child.

The nursery worker said she thought the incident was blown out of proportion, that it's actually normal that some kids are a bit boisterous that age, but she still had to make me aware.

I still told my son every morning not to be rough with other kids.

You absolutely have to correct their behaviour at that age.

I also think you can't bring your stance on gender and sex into this - this is totally unrelated.

Many boys/men have longer hair - it has always been around as a hairstyle, no matter which decade.

I just have an image of Jason Momoa in my head now 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Bullies often have parents who make excuses for their child’s behaviour- is that what you want for your child?

@luckylavender indoctrinated into believing… everybody’s hair grows?

Your DS is bullying another child. You should have taught him not to make personal remarks. Correct your omission.

Says who? Give your girl short hair if you (or she) wants short hair.

Well, you havent explained what happened and what your child said and how many times, so its actually difficult to say whether YABU or not. Just from your attitude you are though.
Obviously children of this age often look the same whether they are a girl or a boy / I have one like that at home/. Also, some will understand that sometimes a girl looks like a boy or vice versa, while others might have a set idea what a girl or a boy looks like.
Its obviously ok if a child mistakens a boy for a girl and it may take some time and several explanations for it to sink in. I would expect the nursery to deal with it though.
If it was teasing than again I would expect the nursery to deal with it in the first place, and then have both sides work together on the issue.

Well how are you going to get him used to being a boy and the restrictions that society will impose on him because of his sex?

YABU.

Nip your child's bullying behaviour in a bud before he actually does become a bully.

His and your opinions on how other boys should wear their hair are irrelevant. Not your hair, not your choice.

Not conforming to the most popular hairstyles does not mean that a child deserves to be insulted.

How hard is is to say "we don't insult other people" "we don't comment on other people's appearances", and to show your son pictures of famous men with long hair?

Oh and drop the attitude. You're in the wrong, your son was in the wrong, the nursery are doing the right thing. Get over it.

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning

Is your 5 year old not in school?

Mistakenly initially assuming the child was a girl because of gender stereotyping - it happens. The boy will be used to it and correct him.

To then bully the boy by saying he can't actually be male and repeatedly insisting he must be a different gender because of his hair - unacceptable. If he was going further than simply insisting and also using "you are a girl" as a taunt when he knows the child is male, also misogynistic.

All children need to be taught that it is rude and hurtful to comment on other people's bodies if their opinion was not sought, in any way, positive or negative. (If you aren't sure, consider that when your son grows up he needs to know that women will generally be irritated by unsolicited comments on their beauty as well as insults about their looks).

WOW

When my DC were young, they frequently ‘misused’ he and she. Very normal for young children to mix up pronouns.

Honestly, it’s been totally blown out of order by nursery. Why didn’t they say something at the time, they were the ones present, not you.

It also sounds as though the parent needs to chill out. My younger brother had the most gorgeous blonde curls and so we nicknamed him Claire. Probably wouldn’t go down very well down but when did life get so serious.

Ignore the haters OP. You're right, boys should have short hair, there's obviously something wrong with a boy whose hair teachers their shoulders. And girls with short hair need to understand that everyone will call them a lesbo, way of the world innit. If everyone had the same sensible attitude as you do, to calling out freaks and weirdos, us normal people would be much better off.

YABU. LOADS of boys have long hair. It's totally in fashion at the moment. Regardless of that, people can wear their hair however they like. Your son sounds like a bully.

My Daughter, her best friend and 1 other out of their year of 24 girls & 22 boys at first school. There were also 2 boys with properly long hair and another 2 with shoulder length hair

Depends, did your son genuinely think this child was a girl and literally just needs to be informed he isn’t
or
did your son know this was a boy but keeps calling him a girl because he has long hair.

because in one scenario it is innocent, no big deal and you literally just say ‘You know X is a boy, the same as you, not a girl’ ‘but he has long hair’ ‘I know, some boys do. Make sure you don’t call him a girl again please because it might hurt his feelings’
the other scenario your son is being very unkind and you need to stamp that out of him now.

I feel a bit sorry for your children

I’m happily child free <runs off>

Your child is not mistakingly calling the child a girl he's taking the mick I.e being a bully. You should be telling your child its never okay to tease other esp about looks. The fact your backing your child's view is concerning.

Yanbu hes 3!! He sees it in black and white. Given that he most probably sees long hair on women and girls only it's fair that he has made that assumption. Only on MN do little boys wear long hair and prance around in frozen dresses as if it's normal 🤦‍♀️

I’ve been so shocked by the odd comment on here I’m now not sure what to believe as a true comment
but
Assuming this one is sarcasm?

My boy (older, it’s his choice to grow it) has the most beautiful long blonde hair. He is regularly mistaken for a girl. Neither he or I mind this - it’s fine for people to get it wrong. It’s also fine for younger kids to comment, or ask about it, but it’s only fine once or twice. If they go on doing it, it’s unkind.

My boy has been called gay by kids at school, which he finds perplexing as he doesn’t really see it as an insult. He has also experienced a great deal of name-calling, questioning and unwanted attention about his visible difference, which he has found very difficult.

Child free? On mumsnet? People like you make my stomach turn. 😉