That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

Sorry OP I don’t agree with you because men / boys can and do have long hair. It’s also fine that the parent spoke to nursery about something that upset their child.

I think you are over thinking this. DC x is a boy. He doesn’t like it when you call him a girl. And then if it warrants it you can discuss the merits of boys having long
hair etc.

Yes he is only 3, and no I don’t think he is a bully but I don’t think he is too young to start to learn that if our friends don’t like something we stop doing it.

DS has shoulder length hair. He's never been called a girl or had anyone pass comment on it. I thought those days were over.

Of course it’s not acceptable. Why does a young child think only girls have long hair? Where has that idea come from? It’s inaccurate.

if he made a mistake fair enough, address it. If he keeps doing it it sounds more like bullying.

what views do you have when a woman gets named called for wearing short tight clothing?

You sound as though you are very much wedded to the gender stereotypes if you think all girls should rightly have long hair and vice versa!

I think this whole thing is made up. In my experience 3 year olds don't care about the appearance of other children or about gender stereotypes. My 3 year old boy is equally keen on princesses as spiderman and loves pink, unicorns, dresses, hair clips etc. Also loves tractors, trains, monsters too of course. It seems vanishingly unlikely that a 3 year old would care about this, unless he's been strongly influenced at home. I suggest you stop with the gender stereotyping at home and make sure your sons are bought pink stuff, dolls, unicorns, dresses for dressing up etc, to try and avoid making this issue any worse.

Sticking strongly to these stereotypes, which seem to be be coming back with a vengeance, is what is fuelling the trans crisis. I mean in the 70s and 80s and 90s men having long hair/girls having short hair was totally normal and very much on trend. We are going backwards.

It's not 'quite rightly' though. Boys and men have short and long hair, girls and women have short and long hair. Long hair is for everyone, like all toys are for all children.

My son made friends with a child at school he said was a girl with a name what was neither male nor female. I said ok that’s nice. We then met said child weeks later who I assumed was a girl like he said until his mother said he was a boy! We laughed and she just said ah yes it’s his hair!!
My boy just assumed as did I but it doesn’t mean anything! If you’ve told your son and he continues then that’s different but this sounds isolated and not bullying! Some people on here need to get a bloody grip!!

Most parents would be mortified their DC had upset another DC enough for their parent to complain about them (I doubt it was a one off) especially at that age.

Your reaction of annoyance says it all really OP.

I suggest you shown your DS pictures of famous men with long hair (whether in RL or in character) to reinforce your own very unfortunate, narrow mind that boys have short hair.

In fact that’s only in recent history. It was the norm for men to have long hair before hairdressers were a thing.

It's fine to get it wrong but once told that the child is a boy then it's rude to call him a girl.

This. My dd has a pixie cut and people of all ages often assume she's a boy. Even if she is wearing a dress 🙄. A one time mistake is fine, but if anyone repeatedly kept commenting on her looking like a boy I'd consider it bullying.

Wow. Just wow. You need to teach your kid what is right, which is that pink and blue are for everyone and long hair is for everyone. He has learned how to tease and be a little bully from somewhere, this is a major parenting fail I’m afraid. If my son was teased like that I would be furious. And if I was told my son was being a bully like that I would be mortified and he would be punished for it. It’s your job to raise him now if I was you I would be getting your dated attitude as far away to fuck as possible and taking responsibility for that awful behaviour.

@mrsfinch6 so you think everyone who is male should have short hair & females have long hair?? in every country/culture etc?? 🙄🙄🙄🙄 YABVU! & your young child has clearly picked up your outdated & offensive belief system. Kids don't judge others on appearance at this age. they are very accepting of others differences. All you had to say was ' Oh yes Charlie does have long hair doesn't he? Doesn't it look lovely. yes some boys like to wear their hair long. Everyone is different - isn't it great! Remember Auntie Barbara with very short hair? etc etc. The fact you clearly aren't doing this is worrying tbh.

Absolute nonsense. They are in the very process of "learning things", not least how to interact with others, to understand that our appearance does not make us who we are and to treat everyone with kindness and respect. At 3, they are still learning but part of that learning process is correcting them when they get these things wrong, explaining why and continuing to correct repeatedly, using age-appropriate consequences if they then continue to treat someone unkindly or disrespectfully. You're right that they have not learned this fully yet at 3. As the adults, it's our job to guide this process and make sure they become people that do.

The nursery is absolutely correct to insist on tos and to ask the OP to support this firmly at home.

wtf is 'right' about thinking that hair length is in some way linked to whether a child is a girl or a boy?

Your son has picked up a horrible genderist attitude somewhere along the line, and it reads as though that is from you.

Can I ask why you think "quite rightly" boys have short hair and girls have long hair?

It's really not unusual now or historically for boys to have long hair too..

Anyway, has it really affected you that much to just remind your child that X is a boy, not a girl despite having longer hair?

The other child's parent is not unreasonable to mention to nursery that their child is (presumably) upset that they were called a girl. Most children that age would be - my DD would be most horrified were someone at her pre school calling her a boy!

I have to say, your over all attitude doesn't come across as pleasant at all.

We don't get to decide what upsets another person, even if we think it's irrational or over the top.

You obviously don't believe "in sex not gender". I believe in sex not gender, which is why my DS (same age as yours) understands that a boy can have long hair, and that doesn't make him a girl.

The idea that 'setereotypical features of girls on a boy = that child is a girl' is exactly what gender over sex people think.

Anyway, it sounds like you've taken it on board and have had the conversation with your DS. Hopefully it's all good and he won't keep teasing this boy.

Once is a mistake. I am cringing inside because I have done it, mistook a little boy for a girl. If someone keeps mentioning it though then it’s straying into bullying.

Your son being a bit confused because he didn't realise that boys don't have to have short hair is one thing, but you reinforcing these ideas and not explaining is quite out of order.

I think most posters are saying the same as you. If it's a genuine mistake, that's fine, but once corrected, if the behaviour continues that then becomes unkind.

whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

what might these reasons be I wonder? I guess probably because the child's parents like the way he looks with long hair. It's a much better reason than the reason your boys have short hair which is "gender stereotype couldn't possibly do anything else".

You're right it's nothing to do with your 3 year old though. Tell him so

Feck me what's wrong with people, describing a 3 year old as a bully.
The other child's mother needs a kick up the arris for reporting this to the school and the teacher should have told her to grow up.
When did "sticks and stones" cease to have relevance.
A child called another child a name FFS stop being snowflakes

This. It's fine to make a mistake but your DS has been told that this child is a boy and is now being rude and annoying if he is continuing to call him a girl.

I cannot even begin with everything wrong with this post.

Do better.

Also my nephew has long hair and has been teased about it when first starting primary school, his mum had to cradle him for hours while he cried his eyes out night after night. Does that sound like something that should just be brushed off as shit happens and he deserves it for having long hair? Do you realise how heart shattering that is for a mother to see their child upset after being bullied? Do better!!!

Yabu - a boy with long hair is still a boy and not educating your son about this and letting him think that long hair means "girl" is sexism. It shouldn't be tolerated, even in a 3yo.

Feck me what's wrong with people, describing a 3 year old as a bully.

3yos may not bully, but they are perfectly capable of being unkind and should be gently corrected by those around them, including their parents.