That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

Is he aware of football teams yet @mrsfinch6 ? Erling Haaland who plays for Manchester City has long hair. Does that make him "quite rightly" a girl?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@SmilingMoon same goes.

You thought this was ok? Wow.

Generally speaking, in a class of children, the majority of boys will have short hair. So the OP's son made a comment about someone who looked different.

He should be taught not to comment on people's appearance, but I think the parent of the long haired boy was making a big fuss over a minor incident.

You need to nip this in the bud starting now.

Your child knows it’s a boy, so he is being a pest. It’s your job to ensure he stops and gets a reminder about being kind.

One of my sons had long hair all through primary and was never once called a girl - and this was 10+ years ago.

YANBU, you keep reiterating we don't comment on others and boys can have long hair.

There are helpful social stories and keep pointing out that choice of hair styles, clothing colouring etc is nothing to do with boy or girl. Where is he getting the message from do you know?

OP I think your mistake was using the term “pass comment”. If you mean he accidentally calls the boy a girl as he’s a confused 3 year old then YANBU.

Or they could say "Do what the hell you want, it's your hair, and don't worry about twats with 1950s mentality and ramrods stuffed up their arses".

TL;DR: It’s everyone else’s fault about from my precious child and everyone should stop being so mean to him.

“who (quite rightly) thinks that boys have short hair and girls have long hair.”

Why are you continuing to enforce / perpetuate such rigid gender stereotypes ..?

You’ve said you had the convo about being kind etc. however you are coming over as pretty indignant on here and attitudinally you don’t appear to think he is wrong to call a boy who has long hair a girl. That’s the issue here. I don’t think people piling in on you is constructive however it’s also not constructive holding on to the belief that your view on the hair length equating to an individuals gender is the correct one here.

I have a 12 year old son with long curly hair. It has always been long.
When he was younger strangers would mistake him for a girl quite regularly. I would just correct them and usually they would apologise.
These things happen and it was an honest mistake.
Now my son is older he is very rarely mistaken for a girl because even though he has long hair he looks like a boy.
However, if a stranger looked at him quickly and referred to him as a girl, again it is an honest mistake and I would just correct them.
However, if you know that someone is definitely a boy and you keep calling them a girl just because of the length of their hair then that is cruel and completely out of order.
You should stop your kid from doing it and not expect the other kid to put up with it just because you have decided that his hair is too long for a boy.

I disagree that it should get zapped.

I think it's educational and stands to highlight just how much further we have to go to get full equality. It's not just equality for women/girls, there's equality for men/boys too!

No this isn't fact and it is displaying obvious your bigoted opinions. Do better, we don't want any more of that in the generation we are raising.

My child has said to me "that girl over there is doing really good swimming" or other phrases to long haired boys. I just said you mean that boy. Some boys have long hair. It really doesn't have to be a issue. If it was a one off introduction and he said the boy was a girl fine but this sounds like a repeat situation where nursery have said the child is a boy and your child is still calling the child a girl. Yanbu if it was a one off but yabu if this is a multiple time thing as it crosses into bullying territory. Show him a picture of Thor and say see boys or men can have long hair to if he can't comprehend it

I was thinking mean thoughts due to historical context but luckily most people in the UK are peace loving.

He would probably be invited to find out more.

You’re crackers op! You’ve got an older boy who’s into unicorns and pink scooters but the younger one thinks boys can’t have long hair- how has that come about if you’re (quite rightly) supporting the older one to indulge his tastes? Genuinely not wanting to pile on but I just don’t get the contradiction in style. Or is it that your boys can do what they like but all other male children must follow your gender rules?

OP - this is very simple.
You tell your DC that child with long hair is a boy not a girl. Don't call him a girl, it upsets him.
Also tell your DC that people can have whatever hair they like.

DS when 4 had a friend with shoulder length blonde curly hair. DS simply would not believe he was a boy. When the hair was cut off DS was astounded that he really was a boy and I hadn’t been making it up. No malice, just genuine astonishment. So yes, I can believe your child struggles with it. The irony is that DS also had longish white blond curls and was also frequently mistaken for a girl. If the child looks like a girl, the parent has to accept they will occasionally be mistaken for one. But I’m so glad I didn’t cut the curls off as DS has now outgrown them and I miss them 🙁

Pass a factual comment once, yes. Repeatedly tell them they're a girl? No.

Do you really still cover your hair in church? I remember from a previous thread you talking about being white, working class British which is an unusual demographic for someone covering their hair in church

Your views on gender are irrelevant here. Your kid’s being a bully and needs to stop it.

There's a really easy educational fix available to you here OP - just stop cutting your 3yo's hair - let it grow naturally - and then ask him if he's still a boy?

The child obviously came home upset and if it's something that keeps happening it's perfectly reasonable to mention it to the nursery, so they can have a quick word and the whole thing can be sorted out. It's really not the drama you're making it out to be. All the nursery wants is for you to reinforce that it's not appropriate for your son to keep saying this. Kids do say silly stuff like this bit sometimes all it takes for the inappropriate behaviour to be pointed out.

I do also think long hair on boys is much more common than it used to be. There's always a few boys with long hair in each of my children's years and it's just never been something anyone has particularly commented on in my experience.

Op, it’s perfectly understandable and normal that your ds commented on it. He probably hasn’t seen (or been aware that he’s seen) a boy with long hair before. Very young kids follow rules before they understand nuance. That’s why kids generalise with, eg. past tense rules and say, I ‘thinked’ rather than I thought and ‘seed’ rather than saw. As long as you’re teaching him not to tease or go on about it, you (and he) are behaving perfectly appropriately.