I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

I think it's polite to ask rather than dictate although that lead to my MIL insisting and I personally dislike it a lot!

Nona is fine but like people said rather silly if you're not Italian - did you know it was? Not being rude, just double checking because if you were to use it you need to be prepared for people asking you and your son and DIL if you have Italian heritage and how you/them would feel when you explain no and people are a little 'puzzled'.

Someone from daycare has done something simialr - we're not sure whether she didn't know it is Italian but I've heard a few people be slightly mocking to her face, and when I asked I sort of had to cover the awkward dead air after she said no and said 'oh right'.

Agree!

It’s a lack of respect in society for our elders. It’s also controlling and rude.

Grandparents themselves decide what name they want to be called.

My gran was Oma. No German connections at all, but she was a keen linguist and traveller. Plus, it was nice and easy for the little ones to say ... and saved confusion with other grandparents at the time.

Hmm, nonna is nice. My mum wanted Grandma, as that's what her grandma was. Mt MIL was Nana, as that's what my partner called his grandma.
Why don't they want you to nonna? Why not wait till the baby is old enough. My grandma had a grandchild who couldn't say Gran (speach problems) so she got called gam gam. And signs her cards as GG. (she is now a great gran)

I will never be granny, nanny or nana.
I couldn't bear it, as they make you sound about 100.

Grandma is lovely. And gamgam is just adorable!

So to ‘cultivate’a relationship the OP cannot have an opinion, must walk on eggshells, must do exactly as she is told at all times, make her self available, help out but also keep out the way and all with a smile on her face? Fuck all of what you have said for a game of soldiers, I actually think it’s quite disgusting that you are suggesting the OP acts like a mute, passive human being whose own thoughts and feelings are completely irrelevant, just do as you are told old woman seems to be what you are suggesting and I bet your bottom dollar if the OP did as you say the little respect the son and daughter-in-law already show her would get worse, she is not their doormat to wipe their feet on.

Yes, kids might well end up adapting the band. But in the meantime the grandmother has to be referred to in some way for the first 18 months or so. Otherwise it's "We're going to see, you know, that woman who is always pleased to see you and whose house we go to a lot" or "that lady that I call mum is going to hold you while I get the pushchair" or "wave bye bye to the grey haired lady"

I get called wanker, it's not my choice but I accept it

Wow! I'm amazed at the vitriol for 'nonna' on this thread and the negativity about using it if there is no obvious Italian connection.
My mother chose to be called that by my girls. We have 0% Italian blood. BUT ... she studied opera in her youth and likes Italian so wants to be called Nonna.
I'm also amazed that parents think they can dictate what grandparents will be called - surely that is the choice of the grandparent. They all let us know what they'd like to be called and, thankfully, across our many families there was no overlap so we have a separate name for each grandparent which makes them easy to distinguish.
And where is the sneering about Nan vs Granny - I've seen plenty of MN threads in the past about how Nan and Nana (practically a dog's name) are soooo common .... but Granny is so posh ... Neither of my grandmothers was called that and despite being chalk and cheese they would both have hated that.
A few bits of common sense have shown through on this thread: sometimes children can't pronounce words easily and (Gan-Gan ...) and develop their own names for the people they love who take that for the supreme compliment it is.

Teach your GC the name you'd like. Teach your GC to call people by the names they prefer. That is love.

I love Farmor (but that’s Swedish and in English it’s a bit like farmer).

👏

Apparently, according to many mumsnetters, every element of the Grandmother and DIL/son relationship is down to the grandmother kowtowing to every wish and opinion of her grandchildren's parents. She must always be available when needed but have no expectation at all of any contact or affection, nor should she have any needs or preferences of her own. She just has to live in her box until she's needed, when she's brought out to smile indulgently and say "yes of course dear".

I don’t see what the problem is? Why can’t you pick what you want to be known as?

My daughter and son in law asked what my partner and I would like to be called. We chose our own names as did the other grandparents. DD and DSIL were happy and excited to see what we chose. If they had insisted on specific names I would have been disappointed and surprised, but would have gone along with it. I’m sorry you feel like you do and that you no longer enjoy the relationship with your son that you did.

I wanted to be called nain because I am Welsh . My daughter in law at the time who is English said no as it sounds like number nine 😢😢

No you don’t get to decide and your son doesn’t get to. Your DGC will call you whatever they want regardless of what you guys tell him. We never guided or r kid what the call the GPs and he came up with names for each of them on his own.

Why not Nonna?

In my experience the grandparent gets to choose. I’m sure if anything ridiculous was suggested (which Nonna is not!) then there’d be a discussion. I remember my sibling’s first born (first grandchild on both sides) causing a discussion on titles as both grandmothers wanted the same. The names just developed further naturally over time anyway and are now slightly different to what was decided back then so they might not get granny long term even if they try to insist!

My grandmother was Babushka her choice she was Russian! I feel it is your choice.

I had a gran, only knew one part of the family, so my mum to all 4 of mine, was called gran or granny. And yet they all called her nana. Sometimes it hearing something and them saying what it sounds like.

The parents choose the child's name and you are entitled to be called by your preference, l would find it a bit off to have my preference ignored

My way of thinking is people can call you whatever you like but you don't have to respond. No one gets to give you a name you don't want because it suits them when you're 73... how weird they're not asking you what you'd like to be called... my children had one grandmother who wanted to be Grandma and one who wanted to be Nana... fine by me. The idea of trying to impose something else is weird

I was going to suggest that 🤣

I think it’s fine to choose, grandparents in our family picked their own titles. I guess if they wanted Nonna but no Italian heritage it would be a bit unsual.

Ask any Italian if they would be offended by this. I suspect not. I just asked my Spanish husband if he would think it was unacceptable or cultural appropriation for a British grandparent to be called abuella or yaya. He said absolutely not and the only people who think this way are white British and Americans getting professionally offended on behalf of other cultures who actually don’t give a shit He’s more offended by what British people do to paella.