I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

My parents were granny and grandad, my children called my dad Dedah and it stuck.
My sisters step grandchild calls her Diddy.

Well I think you sound so lovely 😍 Can my family adopt you please ? My children hardly knew their paternal grandparents (separated from their father when they were 3 & 6) Domestic violence so his family never bothered either . My parents were amazingly hands-on and it was fabulous for us all !! My lovely dad passed away just over 2 years ago and I am with a lovely man, with my children 16 & 19. They really would have loved to have been able to see the other grandparents too. It seems that when you have a son, you either 'gain a daughter' or lose precious time with your son, as they tend to go along with their partner's preferences. My sister has 2 DD & 1 DS. She rarely sees him - such a shame. It is so sad that you do not see him separately and only with his wife. My sister actually asked for an afternoon with her DS as a Christmas present !!! You come across as a very thoughtful, considerate and generous lady xx Perhaps you could volunteer somewhere locally (although you seem to have a fab selection of friends already!). So sorry about your situation and I wish your DS could read this thread x Time goes so quickly and I love Nonna too xx
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My first thought. Unless Italian a bit weird and only to be fashionable

In this day and age I’m afraid many will attack you for dareing to challenge the parent. There’s a huge emphasis at the moment on ‘monster in laws’ and grandparents being in their place. A lot of the time this results in their being problems where there aren’t any. There is absolutely no problem with you asking to be called that as it’s what YOU will be called. It’s going to be your name by that child for the rest of your life. I think it’s unreasonable for your son to not let you pick what you want. My eldest 2 call their nana Nannie, as she requested. And my youngest 2 when old enough will call theirs dadi ji as she is Indian and that’s what she wants/is nana in Punjabi. I had no right to tell their grandparent what they will be called.

I was thinking OP must be Irish. Signed, grandma someday who will probably be a Granny. :)

This is a bit of a ridiculous level of control by the parents.
We got a matching 'nannan' and grandad mug for our pregnancy announcement because that's what the grandma has always been called on my DH side and MIL decided she wanted to be grandma for some reason.

We were a bit disappointed as neither of us had a 'grandma' and we saw it as old and stuffy whereas we both had close and fun relationships with our grandparents - plus we'd put lots of effort and money into a nannan gift box! But is what it is. Not a big deal in the grandscheme of things.
She hasn't made the effort to have a close and/or fun relationship with her grandchild no matter how much we try so maybe it was an indicator of things to come!

Maybe ask why they are so intent on this.
Lots of people around here have Norma's and Mama's which id never heard of before.

My mum called her grandma Muzz, my uncle heard something and decided that's what she was called. Mum said she wanted to let the kids decide what to call her but she wanted to tell then her name and see what they said. She was in her 60s when they finally came along and my nephew calls her grandma and my son calls her mama coz that's what he said when he couldn't say grandma. We told my nephew my dad was Papi, (hes not Spanish, he just wanted to be Papi) and my nephew changed it anyway. If you want to be nonna, you should be allowed but be prepared for them to change it anyway 😜

You/the parents can choose a name if you like but cannot control what the grandkids will actually call you!
It was decided (IDK by whom) that our grandparents would be addressed as Grandma and Grandpa. Except my eldest cousin couldn’t say those words and ended up calling them Mama and Papa. Now all 4 of us grandchildren refer to them as that!
My children call my parents Oma and Opa because they were both born in the Netherlands and that is what you call grandparents there (we still live there too so the connection to Dutch culture and people is ongoing). To us it also sounded younger than Grandma, Nana etc and enables our children to call their grandparents the same name as their Dutch friends call theirs.

No choice really......the grandchildren will call you whatever they like .....just pray it isn't anything too outlandish!!! 🤣

My first son couldn't say Granny for a while so my mum was Manny for a good few months 😂 step dad wanted to be called Gramps but he was Amps for ages too. So we had Manny and Amps. The kids can now pronounce properly obviously but I'd have preferred their cute versions.

My kids have three sets of GPs due to step parents on my side. We just asked what they'd like to be called. There was a little competition between the two nana's but we ignored and they got over it 🤷🏻‍♀️

My MIL wanted to be called something that means Mother in her language and sounds like Mama. Obviously I wasn't happy with that. I was pretty flexible but she chose Grandma which I thought made her sound even older.

My Step-Mum is referred to as "Step-Granny" in jokes but actually just called by her first name.

I think names often happen organically with the child choosing it. I had a Gran and Gran'pa which I don't think was the original intention!

In my family there are GPs, GGPs, and sometimes GGPs. When my first grandchild was born, my grandmother was still alive so said grandchild was the 3rd of five generations.
Any way we choose what to be called, my MIL chose Grandma (first name), my mother chose Nanna (fruit) and I chose Grandma (surname). My grandmother chose Nana (surname). The grandfather's are mostly Grandpa (surname) except for my father who chose Grandpa (fruit).

I’m granny. I love it. I’m 43. I chose to be granny, my mum is also granny but not sours if she will be granny surname or GG (which is what my granny was known as to my children prior to passing )

In my experience your grandchild will decide what they call you. ‘Dave and Nana’ turned into ‘grangrad and nannan’ lol

personally, I think it is up to you what you would like to be referred to as. I have a niece and nephew and they call me "Auntie" (English) rather than our cultural term for aunt. That might sound strange, but it's just a way to b closer to them as they grow up because the term from my culture is more out of respect and "auntie" sounds more casual and approachable (imo). the kid will end up calling you something else though 😆you might even gain a whole different nickname . maybe leave this discussion for now as your son is enjoying his new life as a father and bring it up closer to the time the baby will start to speak. and maybe do so jokingly too and don't be too bothered about it. like i and others are saying, you will have your own relationship with them and even as they get older they might call you something else entirely.

This is making me laugh as I'm sure Bedford used to have one of the largest Italian populations outside Italy. Very possibly as many Nonnas as Grannies in some parts of the town!

For those saying it's up to others to decide. I don't get this. Why can't you be called what you want? Can't think of any other relationship where this would happen nor any good reason why others should decide here but maybe I'm missing something?

Why not Nanny?

Everyone has a right to be called what they want to be called. Her son and DIL should respect that. End of story.

I had never heard the term Nonna but I quite like it and I think you are perfectly reasonable to ask. My mum chose what she wanted to be called and it wasn't granny, grandma or nana and I had no problem with that. I would never have dictated what my children call her. Surely its up to her.

I agree with you entirely.

Op, don’t let them control you.

I totally see that it is the grandparents choice but using a word not of your own language is a bit weird. Plus it isn't just the child saying it. My MIL is Nonna to everyone else (no Italian in the family) but our child was born before she decided that so we don't have to use it (it would have been weird for toddler to change) and she is just granny x.

If she had really pushed it I would have just referred to her by her name in my house.

Nonna my arse.

My mum was always a grandma from the start. My grandparents on both sides were Nana's, Somewhere along the line my son decided he was calling her Granny after Gangster Granny by David Walliams and it stuck. She gets Grandma by some and Granny by a few. She doesn't care. He calls me a d my husband by our first names. But I'm happy so long as he's happy. It's about the child and until they are old enough to make their mind up then that falls on the parents. If your that bothered let them call you grandma a d when your alone with the child refer to yourself as Nonna the child will make his mind up.

I really don’t get on with my in laws….but I feel they should be able to choose how they wish to be addressed. Essentially the parents have decided here with little to no thought for you.

The only thing I said no to was MIL pushing Mamar because it’s too similar to Mam. her side is grandma my mam is Nana.

I can't imagine being such a control freak that I decide what the grandparents are called.