@JMSA
Well, as beggars can't be choosers, this may be my last resort. Whether my parents would want me to is the first issue. My SM owns the house outright. The only available room is the downstairs front room, which has been kept as a shrine to her late parents. The house has no central heating and they live on the first floor. One complication is that while they have been together approximately 42 years, and are now married, before he died her DF set things up to ensure my Dad wasn't a gold-digger, so her will stipulates that my Dad can live in the house until he dies if she goes first, then her Northern family will inherit (Cousins and their children who I have never met).
Part of my SMs condition is paranoia. She is convinced my poorly 84 year old Dad is having affairs left right and centre and regularly uses her position as a weapon, in fact she threw it at him in hospital on Thursday when it was clear it was a safeguarding issue for her to go home without a care package in place. Oh, and she is convinced he has three other children .... absolutely not possible.
As she is deemed as still having capacity (which may change today after a long needed assessment), it would be up to her as to whether i could move in, and while if I pander to her every whim, it might fly, however, she went for both me and my Dad physically on Thursday .... oh it's very complicated.
There is no POA in place, so my Dad is a bit insecure. And I would be too. I imagine her illness would make her very pleased to have two people under her control.
I mean as far as the authorities are concerned it would be a win - I would be a live in carer so less input required from them. I could claim Carers Allowance but if she wanted rent I don't think I could claim for that.
This isn't my first rodeo when it comes to dementia. My MIL lived with me and my DP for 18 months and I was her main carer.
This is my current reality in case anyone thinks I'm making it up. It sounds unbelievable to me too, but alot of my life has been quite left field, so I should be used to it by now.
Maybe it's because I was born on a Wednesday?
Anyhow, must crack on and get down to see my Dad, make sure he's made it through the night and his cold isn't heading towards pneumonia or anything, then brace for today's round of National Hell Service roulette..... dutiful daughter to the rescue....