To think karma doesn’t exist?

[Fuckfucketyfuckfuckfuck]

I went through an utterly horrific experience a few years ago. Someone who I trusted and considered a friend was the cause of this. I don’t want to provide the exact scenario as this could be outing but she betrayed me in a horrific way when I was at a very vulnerable point in my life and it blew my life apart. Although I have rebuilded my life, I still think about what happened all the time and obviously I still feel a lot of hurt and anger because of what happened. I still to this day feel Kirby to but red hot visceral hatred towards her. I’m not by nature a person who holds grudges, I have always been quick to forgive and don’t like conflict but what she did was unforgivable. Not once has she reached out to me, to try and explain, apologize or try to make amends. That’s fine as it’s obviously just indicative of the type of person she is but what really sticks in my throat is the fact that it seems her life has gone from strength to strength ever since. New (better) job, new partner, new home, new baby. We live in a small community so all of this stuff gets back to me whether I like it or not. Moving away is unfortunately not an option for us, certainly at the moment. I feel like she’s treated me like garbage and been rewarded for it by karma rather than punished. AIBU to think karma is just a made up concept that people tell themselves to feel better about someone who has treated them badly? That actually, it doesn’t exist, and people like this actually just get to live a normal happy life despite their actions?

I don’t believe karma is an exact science and I always take offense to people saying “karma will get him” etc. BUT I believe fully in karma getting me if I do bad things so wishing bad karma on someone would bring ME bad karma. If you follow my logic. That’s my take on it anyway and yes I do believe there is a level of karma out there.

It’s the only thing that soothes me fractionally when I think bitterly about someone who deserves a long, painful death and a place in burning hell below.

I predict homelessness and despair for this person once things pan out and that to me is karma. Deserved.

Karma doesn’t exist, and as you say is a way of trying to make people feel better when they have been wronged etc.

Perhaps make a medium/long-term plan to move away if you feel her presence is still affecting you. And remember, on the outside her life may look great but sometimes all that glitters is not gold. Life isn’t fair sometimes is it?

Of course it doesn't exist. Nor does Father Christmas, Enlightenment, Atlantis or any other mythical concept.

That said, I think being the type of cunt who does stuff like you describe is it's own punishment.

You've got two options:

1. Get over it.
2. Pour something unpleasant like diesel through her letterbox.

Option 1 Is better for you.

Karma doesn't exist. Good things happen to bad people and terrible things happen to good people - that's just life / luck / random chance.

You don't need to forgive, OP, but you need to try and forget her.

I fully believe in Karma. And also Divine Timing, meaning it's down to the Universe to decide when it happens, not us. It doesn't mean things aren't happening "behind the scenes" though. It will happen eventually. That's with anything good or bad.

Being angry and resentful that this person doesn't deserve success in their life because of what you perceive was a slight on you is like drinking poison and expecting them to die.

Not once has she reached out to me, to try and explain, apologize or try to make amends. That’s fine as it’s obviously just indicative of the type of person she is

Given the lack of information, it's impossible to know for sure, but the fact she didn't explain herself to you could be that she didn't want to get into being obliged to apologise for something she may not have felt the need to apologise for.

bear in mind that you don't have the full facts on their side of the story as to why they "betrayed" you. There could have been other factors playing into that complex equation that you've never been sighted on. What if you find out there were mitigating factors that drove their actions, and all this time you've felt hurt, angry and resentful because your expectation was that they should have done x and they chose not to.

that's where karma and the real world don't stack up, sometimes your perceptions of logic aren't theirs. Nobody is 100% good or 100% evil so how does karma know where to settle. It doesn't.

Believe me, it was slightly more than a ‘perceived slight’. It was an out and out betrayal of a very vulnerable person, she fully understood that her actions would destroy my life but she ploughed on anyway, over and over again. Whatever her motivation, her ‘side of the story’ might be, anyone with a shred of decency would never have done what she did to me

No it doesn't, but I believe people who do awful things do get their comeuppance. Eventually. You need to move on for your own mental health and self esteem. You know she's an awful person so even if on the face of it she has the kind of life you want, but don't currently have, 1. it's probably not all rosy for her; and 2. you have to make the best of your life as it is, stop dwelling on the past and comparing your life with hers. Maybe get some counselling if you can afford it or just try to change things up in your life - little things can make a huge difference.

I had an experience where someone I considered a friend turned on me as though I had done something awful to her. She became more and more unpleasant towards me in a way that I would describe as akin to playground bullying. I ended up in tears about it, desperately replaying all our interactions to find out what it was that I'd done, asking mutual friends if they knew. We no longer speak though I still see her frequently. I act with integrity, I have done nothing with malicious intent and whatever I have "done" is minor because there is nothing else. The scales have since fallen from my eyes and I now think she's self-centred and actually very manipulative and I don't miss her. She'll get her comeuppance eventually.

She has to look herself in the mirror everyday knowing what she did and she is alone with her thoughts when trying to sleep. I personally think that's karma enough. I would not wish anything bad on anyone because I do think it impacts your own life negatively to do so. Revenge is a life well-lived, without anger or the emotional pain of rethinking and going over and over stuff.

Revenge is a life well-lived, without anger or the emotional pain of rethinking and going over and over stuff

This

Time to move on OP - don't let whatever it was continue to eat away at you.

Ah, if only the moving on was as easy as saying it. And all that bullshit about drinking poison and expecting the other person to die is equally annoying. All just clever words that don't help.
Anyway op, I'm in the same position. And the person I'm talking about has a wonderful life with everyone at her beck and call. And its not fair and karma has never came near her and i know it never will.

So all we can do is try to be grateful for the good things we have in our lives and keep our fingers crossed behind our backs that shit will happen to them eventually.

@Workworkandmoreworknow thank you, I needed to hear that today. You are 100% right. It’s the best thing for me and my family. I want more than anything to be able to move on, but it’s very difficult when we live very close and our paths constantly cross. I just don’t think I can imagine a time where I can see her and not wish a slow painful death on her. Well, part of me wishes that, the other part of me wouldn’t want her child to be without a mother but I have to force myself to remember that when my thoughts get dark

Ime ’karma’, as it’s largely used, provides comfort to people in the face of powerlessness. They have no ability to make someone ‘pay’ for their perceived wrongs, so they assure themselves that a conscious universe has an inherent sense of human justice, and will dole out punishment accordingly.

in reality, bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad.

Exactly my thoughts. I want to believe in it but it isn’t going to happen is it?

I kind of believe in karma, in as much as it 'closes' the issue for me.

So if someone does me wrong I think 'karma will get them in the end' and then leave it up to karma to decide when that will be.

That then lets me forget about it and move on.

Karma doesn't have a time limit, her time will come, but you won't care anymore because you have moved on.

No idea but the girl who bullied me relentlessly for 5 years at school died in her early 30s from cancer. I wasn’t sad. My violent ex-husband is apparently jealous as hell that we own a lovely house whilst he’s stuck in rented 🤷‍♀️ No idea if it’s actually Karma but I like to think so.

Karma is quite a complex and often misunderstood teaching from Buddhism.

A better phrase may be 'dependent origination', which simply put means cause and effect. However there's a lot of disagreement on 'karma' among Buddhists, which can also involve issues like rebirth and ethics.

Through karma? No. She may or may not find herself suffering in life though, same as everyone else.

While ’move on’ is something easier said than done, and i’m not a fan of trite platitudes, I think there is something to be said for facing our own powerlessness in some situations, and trying to find a way to come to terms with that. Is it a simple, painless thing to do? No. Is it better than spending your time devoting your thoughts to the person that has wronged you, and watching their life in quite possibly the vain hope that it will implode? I would say so.

I believe in it - whether it’s during this life time or when we face death / god / creator - you have to face what you’ve sown.

There is no such thing as "karma". The universe doesn't punish or reward people.

Life isn't fair.

The only thing you can do is live as well as you can and find your own happiness. If your happiness is reliant on others suffering, you'll never be happy.

To respond to your situation- another Buddhist teaching is that clinging to anger is like swallowing poison and hoping the other person dies.

I find anger is often a defense against pain. So perhaps worth sitting with it and gently allowing yourself to feel that pain. Maybe with a trusted friend or therapist.

I don't believe in karma. Otherwise, why would my DH and I have a shitstorm to deal with when we are both good, decent people.

Life is life, you can't change it even when you like to give it a huge kick up the arse.

Plenty of people I know who are arseholes have the best life. No point in thinking about it, enjoy what you have.

No karma does not exist like that. No tragedy or illness your ex friend experiences in the future is a consequence of behaviour towards you.

Are you willing to consider the possibility that bad things that have happened you has been karma giving you your comeuppance for a previous wrongdoing?

The best revenge is living well. I live by this OP it really is true.

Plus- you have no idea of how happy/unhappy that person is based on things you’ve heard on the grapevine. No idea of her inner peace or lack of. Generally though OP those that do incredibly awful things to people are absolutely NOT happy in themselves. A happy content person wouldn’t do something awful to hurt someone. So I’d say she isn’t at peace at all. So what that she’s got xyz- means nothing.

Focus on yourself, finding your peace & living well. We grow & learn exponentially from negative experiences far more than we do in our comfort zone. See this as a blessing in disguise.