9 year old lying finally told truth

[IWantOut29]

I've rewrote this a few times now and now I'm crying because despite the fact shes now telling the truth about lying i'm worried strangers on the internet are going to think I'm lying 🤦‍♀️ I dont even know what I want from posting this, I've barely spoke to anyone aside from family about all of this because I've been so ashamed and paranoid people would think it was true. Now shes finally told the truth I still feel anxious and worried

Sorry, this is going to be long but basically my DD9 has been accusing me of hurting her for the last 18 months. The accusations have gotten bigger and bigger. She is suspected Autism/ADHD and is on the neuro referal pathway. She hurts herself at school frequently, vomits most days and has threatened to kill herself more times than I can count at school

We are on a child protection plan because although it has never been proven nor has she ever had any Mark's, because she has been consistent in her stories they said she was at risk of harm.

We were put on the plan during the 6 weeks holidays and I was really upset as school would of been able to prove that one accusation was 100% not true, but they couldnt ask they didnt attend the meeting as it was in the 6 weeks holidays. She said that I beat her up on holiday and slammed her head against the walls.... I did not go on holiday with her and she stayed in a teepee/tent kind of thing

I asked why when there was no proof or injuries or Mark's and they said because she had been consistent with what she had been saying she was at risk of harm.

Our social worker has been absolutely amazing and I have a good relationship with her. My DD recently had 8 weeks off school as she accused a teacher of hurting her too and there was a big investiagtion. During this time she was seen regularly by a counsellor and her social worker, plus she goes to the local community club and has days out with them.

She has recently gone back to school on a phased return and on the 2nd day I went to pick her up at the agreed time and could hear her crying in the safeguarding teachers room. I couldnt hear what she was saying, just heard her getting really upset saying she wanted to go home and the teacher saying she couldnt go home if what she was saying was true

This time, she had a meeting with an advocacy person about the allegation with the teacher and told her that I hadnt let her see anyone during the time she was off school, I didnt let her speak to her social worker alone, she doesnt have a quilt at home and that I beat her up on her birthday and punched her in the face..... I have loads of pictures/videos of her birthday and we were out all day with family too,

So I sent the social worker pictures/videos of days before/after and during her birthday, she could prove that she had seen DD alone and that DD has been to counselling sessions alone and that she has been to the clubs and days out alone.

The police said they were not going to investigate any further and were happy to leave it with social services but they did want to go round to the house to check DD had quilt and a pillow ect.

She spoke to the police and our social worker and told them all that it wasnt true, she thought because she was still having meetings about it that they wanted her to say she was being hurt, she didnt want them to call her a liar, she doesnt like the meetings because they always go silent and just look at her. She didnt want safeguarding teacher in the meeting with her and told our social worker it was because she didnt want the teacher to know she was lying

Me, school, social and the police have all said she wouldnt get in trouble for lying, we are all here to keep her safe and the police said to me after that hopefully seeing the police in person might show her that there are real consequences to her words. They also told me that she said to the social worker " I hold all the dominance now" and when asked what she meant she said "in the house, I hold all the power now" which the police said shows that she knows she has power behind her words

Unfortunatly they still havnt had the strategory meeting, it was supposed to be on the Wednesday, then the Thursday then the Friday but each day got moved again as someone or other couldnt attend. Soni assume it will be Monday now and I'm so anxious about it

I asked the police what would happen now as I was worried I was going to get arrested and they said I wouldnt be arrested, they wouldnt be investigating further and were leaving it with social. I am a very anxious person and said to them are you sure because I'm worried theres going to be an ambush and they said they had to tell me beforehand what they were going to say in the meeting and that they wernt going to do anything

My social worker has been brilliant all the way through this, has said how well we get on what a good bond we have, how happy and relaxed she is around me, has said it seems to be a school issue as it's only in school she says these things and that it was weird that she hadnt said any of these things to her, her counsellor or anyone else and said it to a complete stranger she had never met before.

I'm so relieved shes told the truth but I just feel so sad and empty about it. It's been such a stressful awful time, I've lost so much weight through the stress of it all, I havnt slept properly for months.

I feel horrible for her that its recorded down that she has told lies. With the police aswell shes 9 years old. What if somthing happens to her when shes older and she isnt believed because she told fibs when she was little?

I've felt horrible all the way throughout all of this. With the police the other day she looked so uncomfortable and I wanted to stroke her arm and give her a cuddle for reassurance but I didnt want the police to think I was trying to silence her. She kept looking at me for reassurance when they were asking her questions and I had to ask her not to look at me as I was worried the police would take that as she was scared to speak infront of me. I said all of this infront of the police and they said no not at all, sit with her it's fine.

I dont know why I'm so upset about it, shes told the truth now, social have always been really supportive all the way through this, I dont have to do anything on this plan it has all been arou f support for me DD, they havnt asked me to do a single thing

I cant stop crying tonight I dont even know what I. Hoping to gain from posting this, I just need to get it out of me

If you got to the end thank you for reading,

This is very outing so I may well ask mumsnet to remove it at some point,

My dd threatens to self harm to get out of going to school and to control everyone.

This has been said by two different child care professionals.

They watch YouTube videos about how to control parents and teachers.

Jellycats4life

I agree and that's all I want from a diagnosis. To be able to understand her better and help her navigate through the world. I have no doubt there will be times again in the future when she will struggle, I just hope I'll have the tools to be able to support and understand her better than I have

JellyBeanFactory

I am definetly feeling more positive. At the begining of all of this it felt very much like I was on trial. Where as now, it really is just about getting DD the support that she needs. Knowing they all agree with me and are backing me up makes me feel so much better.

Even though there hasnt been any proper resolutions, I feel like we are finally closing in on the puzzle. I can see a jigsaw in my mind and I very nearly have the missing piece. I feel really positive that I can turn this around for her and get her all the support she needs, I just have to learn it. I just feel so relieved that we are very nearly at the end of wondering and so close to getting her proper help

I am still on edge every time I get a phone call, I dont think that will ever go away now 😅. When I had to go in about her threatening another pupil I didnt know what it was about at first and when the teacher said she had threatened someone, my first feeling was relief that she hadnt accused me of anything 🙈

SwordToFlamethrower

When my DD first started threatening herself and lying I definetly think she was manipulative and attention seeking and it is partially true, she very quickly learnt if she threatened to harm herself or said she was being harmed, she got whisked out of her classroom, away from the work or the situation she didnt like and was given nice one to one time. I can really see why that would be appealing to a small child

I think, even if it is manipulative ( I dont like that word ) it's for a reason isnt it. Somthing is lacking, some sort of support, the child is feeling that way for a reason. Whether it's right or wrong, their seeking somthing arnt they

Now I am learning about ASD I am recognising so much in my daughter and I feel really bad that I did not know this soon. I know I shouldnt because if you dont know, you dont know, but I truly believe, if children are acting a particular way, it's because they need some support in some way or another

It’s a cliche, but “behaviour is communication” is so true of autistic kids. It would be far too simplistic to paint your daughter as being manipulative (I agree it’s not a nice term to use in relation to a child who’s struggling) when you can pinpoint her thought process: “If I say XYZ I get out of doing the unpleasant/anxiety-inducing thing, plus 1:1 attention, support and reassurance”. I mean it makes sense, doesn’t it? The only problem is that she got in too deep.

Hi, I am not sure how long ago this thread was but I’m going through the same now. Brace yourself as it’s long, but even if i have no reply at least ive got it off my chest as I’ve been doodling “why my 7 year old hits me” “why my 7 year old is lying” and crying all night. I’m a midwife. I know how serious we take these allegations. And I have read a lot of stuff tonight saying “children don’t lie” but I can assure you this one has. And maybe someone will see this and feel reassured!

DS is 7 and has a 7 month old brother. He has told me DH has hit and hurt him over the course of the past few months. He said it 3x to me and I was starting to question if my DH had been. 4th time he said it I was sat on the sofa minding my own business and he was playing PS5 and it was time to come off and he went mad saying no etc. DH went over and took the controller from his hands. Baby was napping upstairs, DS ran over to me shouting daddy strangled him. I was there. I saw he didn’t touch him at all. The relief on my husbands face when he finally accused him infront of me. I was like he didn’t touch you buddy. He said ok well he gripped my tummy with his legs, which he didn’t so I explicitly said “you are lying” whilst also being a parent and trying to console him. I am very big
on making sure he is aware his emotions are valid and accepted and that “it’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to shout, it’s okay to cry, these are valid emotions” but I will not tolerate blatant lies or aggression.

That put to bed the horrid concerns, which I never believed) had about my DH. We’re also super clear on boundaries with our children. We defo parent diff, he’s hard I’m soft, but if he ever touched my children he would be out the house and I’d file for divorce. He never has, and he absolutely never would. And neither would I, and he feels the same about that.

Anyway, few weeks back DC wouldn’t come off the PS5 and we had a row, told me I’m the worst mother ever, this was the worse day of his life and he wished he was dead (tf is a 7 year old saying that?). He then tried to throw his iPad at me when I was sat on the sofa holding his brother. I grabbed it before he launched it and then took his arm that was holding it and made him sit down and calm down because he was being absolutely crazy. I didn’t hurt him but he went wild scramming and crying so after I had sent him upstairs because I was absolutely FURIOUS he would throw that at me let alone his baby brother, he then begged me “please don’t tell daddy because he will beat me”. When DH came in from work I did tell him infront of DS and then he went on to tell DH that I had tried to break his collarbone. Few days later he was laying on the floor playing and I put my foot on his bum and shuggled it like I used to when he was a baby as it used to make him giggle. He went mental. Screaming and shouting that I had stamped on his back. Ran up to tell DH.

Last weekend we went to the pub and had a lovely afternoon, he was play fighting with my dad. Got in the car for the drive home and told me that “grandad had kicked him in his private parts”. I text my dad to say play fighting is ok but don’t do that and my dad was gobsmacked and said to tell DS there will be no more play fighting if he keeps lying like that (baring in mind I didn’t believe it cus my dad would never!). I then told DS what my dad had said and he said “oh maybe it was here but maybe it was here (his leg)” so I said well show me… eventually he said it was his leg and admitted that he lied.

I am very much an advocate for my children and I will always stand up for them. But at present DS1 is driving us up the wall. I almost reported my own husband, who I was SURE wasn’t doing anything, and I had explicitly asked if daddy had been hurting him and he said no. He’s then since accused me and my dad. He’s accused me infront of my mum when I nudged him with my elbow to get his attention to show him something. He shouted that I had punched him.

Yesterday I told him it was time to come off iPad and get ready for bed as he has 30mins left “why would I care about that”. Told me he will just go out of the house and run away if I put him to bed. I was having a smoke in the garden and he came out and booted the football directly at me and it hurt me… but he explicitly knows I am scared of the ball hitting me (I never go in goal when I play with him etc.. he’s very aware). Being really destructive with things like DA2 jumparoo. Grabbed it smashing it into the wall. Told me he’ll take my phone off me and smash it up. I was walking up the stairs with DS2 and he wouldn’t move and then purposely tried to trip me up.

I was napping on the sofa this afternoon. DH watching football on telly and DS on iPad, DS2 napping in cot upstairs. Woke up when DS slapped DH cus he said it as time to come off PS5. Didn’t question it as honestly thought I dreamt it and DH didn’t say anything when I woke. Tonight, DH putting DS to bed and DS came to say goodnight. Asked to stay up and I said no as I had already agreed with him extra 15mins and then bed. He was all hitting the bed, throwing cushions on the floor. So I then said “urghhh whatever” like he did. He came
over and slapped me. Twice he’s slapped
someone in one day. I will NOT tolerate aggressive behaviour like that but I am honestly sat here 0128 Monday morning meant to be asleep crying because I’m at my witts end. His behaviour is causing friction between me amd DH.

Sorry for the rant, but just know I’m here… and I believe you when you say they’re lying. Please private message me.

Dear @OhHoney Please make this into a new thread as I feel that you need an awful lot of good advice, and I am worried you won't get it on the back of someone else's thread.

Unfortunately, I don't think that I have anywhere enough knowledge about such a serious issue, although I do think it would be a good idea to say in your OP when this very worrying behaviour first started, because as an outsider it would be obvious to assume that your DS's behaviour has something to do with the birth of your second child?

I also think that you need to speak to his GP about this - without your DS being present - and the head of your DS's school as well.

One of my big worries is how does your son know to say the things he says, and to be so violent. Could he be watching tv programmes that sare way above what is appropriate for his age, or playing unsuitable video games, maybe with a teenage relative?

Wherever, and whatever, the cause of his behaviour is, I feel terribly sorry for you, your DS and your DH, if you definitely have no idea of your DS being exposed to such nasty material. Of course my biggest sympathy is with your DS as he spends Luke a terribly sad, confused, and therefore angry little man, who seems to urgently need some sort of professional intervention. If I could sent you a lovely big bunch of flowers, and a big hug OhHoney, then I definitely would!
Ps, I am sure that your DS can be greatly helped once you start the ball rolling, and if it is simply due to jealousy of his new sibling that could hopefully be much improved, and very quickly. Good luck 🩷

@Itwasafterallallaboutme

I don't want to be that parent but from my own personal experience behaviour gets worse after ipad exposure and too long on the xbox etc but especially the ipad no idea why my youngest has had a fire tablet for ages got an ipad and jeeze the bad behaviour skyrocketed he is allowed to use it but not for long and if he kicks off he loses privileges for a day or two

But yes make your own thread I'm sure others will have more help for you

My only other thoughts are that he is 7? How many PlayStation games are suitable for a 7 year old? We have an Xbox because the content for younger children is more available and to be fair at age 7 the most my children were playing was a ds

Rubbish! Shame at one's poor behaviour is how we develop a conscience!
She needs to be aware of the consequences she could have landed on you, and that poor teacher she falsely accused (who incidently I didn't notice the op spare a thought for) and feel the weight of the seriousness of her actions

You should be upset and she should be told how serious her actions are. She could have been removed from your care. Does it happen at set times eh after she's been told off/ pulled up for something? If so you need to make it clear that while it will be taken seriously the thing she was told off about will still be dealt with irrespective and this won't work as deflection.