I'm apoplectic with rage for my assistant

[jennyswoke]

I can't even explain why I'm so full of rage because it's not my business but we work closely in our office.
She is a wonderful worker, mother , runs the home and everything in between ..

He works full time on shift. Earns big money. Pays the bills.

BUT she in anger told him how overwhelmed she was raising their kids single handedly , running the home single handedly, working around her kids nursery and school hours . On call single handedly for sick kids and appointments .

He told her to get up earlier if she was that stressed.

That's it folks.

He is not alone or unusual.
One post after another here is representative of this.
These fucking men.
They make me vomit.
Sadly she has no legal rights as she is not married to this prick.
Never been so happy to be divorced .
Pig

Highly manipulative people often play the victim stance and they enjoy inducing the emotion in their target that they themselves should be having.

Then they 'switch' and make out you're some crazy loon who is taking things way too seriously.

A lot of women are codependent and manipulative because they don't have the skills to stand in their own power. If they relate their victim stories to someone else who is also codependent, it's a domino effect. They can actually wreak havoc and then be left standing in the middle looking innocent and say 'hey me and my bf are totally fine why all the gossip, it's hurtful and bullying'.

Personally, I'm off this thread forever and I'm gonna say one thing only: why is anyone even commenting on a second hand relationship story and going into detail? It's a sickness. Wake up.

The only thing the OP should have posted is 'my assistant tells me awful reports about the state of her relationship and it's starting to get to me, what should I do?' Anything else is insanity.

A useful goal is to get her to open a bank account in her name only, not in the bank they already use.

To get her there might take a few making-tea-chats about whether she has one in her own name at all….a lot of otherwise strong and clever and feel-they-are-in-control friends of mine don’t.

That she has to ask for money and he is treating her work as a job he decides the wage for is utterly normal but no less wrong.

He might be doing it deliberately and manipulatively or because that’s what’s he’s used to. Either way, if she has an out, she might have more mental and financial space to work on it.

Boring two cents, but it’s a way for her to be able to start thinking long term other than just about tomorrow’s annoyances.

This thread is wild!

such arrogance to presume other peoples situation purely on a 20/40 hour ratio.

DH and I both work 37.5 hours a week but just thinking about what it would look like if I worked 20 hours and then was responsible for all of the load that’s currently shared, I would add 12 hours a week on just on the nursery runs. And those are on good traffic days. So now I’m at 32 to his 37.5. There is no way that looking after DC, cooking, cleaning, admin is only 5 hours a week.
that would never ever work for us.

the pass men get for working full time is ridiculous. You work 40 hours a week and the remaining 128 are for you to be a grown arse adult and father which means also cooking, cleaning etc. You don’t get to do fuck all with the rest of your time.

We don't even know if this woman has any intention of or interest in leaving her partner.

Precisely what she says. The fact he earns a lot doesn't mean she is entitled to anything if she's not married to him.

I get what you’re saying, but if women refused to have children with any man who didn’t reach the bar of being a decent partner, the human race would die out.

ok - slight exaggeration. There are some decent guys out there. But we’d definitely have a depopulation crisis.

and probably 75 per cent of women would spend their lives as virgins.

I’m afraid that when there are so many piss poor men around, and not enough good ones to go round, women have to compromise.

I've wondered why we women put up but ive decided to educate my daughters instead. I am very sorry for your colleague.

Of course it's awful - she's not being treated an equal in a relationship, she's staff - rears his children, keeps his house nice, does the emotional labour, doesn't get a legal partnership and protections and has to work too. What a catch that man is.

Just because lots of other women are in relationships like this doesn't make it ok, just means that women can get trapped in relationships with awful men when they have kids.

I’m afraid that when there are so many piss poor men around, and not enough good ones to go round, women have to compromise.

No they don't.

They need to value themselves more.

If the only guys getting women are good ones, the others will have to step up to the mark.

OP is getting a lot of shit for no reason….this is anonymous, they didn’t put in on FB for the world to see!

40 hours a week of predictable, turn up and do your thing work, v 20 hrs of office work plus 20 hours of let’s call it ’physical’ work of pick-ups, shopping, cooking, laundry, tidying, cleaning - ok that’s matched.

Does he know their school rota of times, after school rules, uniform days, teachers name, names of their mates, emergency contacts, planned friend and family sleepovers, shoe size, favourite snack, where their vaccinations are at, how they like their pasta, what colour they like, shoe size….which are forever changing and part of considering your child a human?

That’s ’after hours’ stuff that she is exhausted with having to know, and maybe even more terrified that he doesn’t, because it not just doing it, it’s bothering to know how to do it.

She’s not just worried about herself, she’s worried that he doesn’t GAF at all about what it means to be a parent.

Reminds me of my ex. My car broke doen and was in the garage for a few days. I asked him if I could borrow his, take 5 year old dd to school, take him to work, work myself, pick dd up and then pick him up. He eventually agreed after stating that as dd lives with me, it is my responsibility to get her to work and I could rent a car.

Ok, I know capitalism is capitalism, but as a small business owner I never hire people "for experience" and underpay them.

So important to set the example. That being said, I’ve watched my own mum be a complete servant to three lazy husbands in a row and I always thought “nope, I am not choosing that life”.

Oh and I'll also add, he demanded petrol money. This is after my taking hi back and for to work numerous time when his car was knackered because the stupid twat put diesel instead of petrol in it.

And at no point you haven't felt angry that another woman has chosen to bring children into the world with a chap that isn't cut out to be a decent father or partner?

Maybe if women made better choices, these useless men would sue out?! Just a thought.

Die out -^^

I agree with you OP. But she was dumb to have another child as I assume he was useless after their first, or possibly before that; and also to put herself in a vulnerable position financially (if this is what she has done).

It’s hard for women who’ve never had to deal with a grown up male arse to know how much shit comes out of it…..sorry to be crass, that’s a new low level of petty male behaviour even for this place…imagine if a woman tried that, she would be slaughtered for being an awful person.

In this chat is all about just making the man do it, it’s not that bloody easy. ❤️

That’s meant to be a reply to another post on this thread, about the car breaking down, not a general post, sorry!!

Well clearly you as her employer should be paying her more for how hard she works at home, no?

There are yes but nowhere near the number of shitty men.

It sounds like he’s also working hard and financially supporting his family.
what’s to get so angry about? Men are human beings too.
best tip would be get a cleaner to help at home and other useful help that money could buy.
men aren’t all evil abusers

No there aren't always red flags.

Dv for example often doesn't start until pregnancy.

I'd recommend to her that she starts protecting her future in this case - pension, savings etc

She said he does NOTHING and is out watching football at the weekend!