Retired parents UPSIZING house

[toastlover100]

I’m pretty sure IABU.

My parter and I are late 20s, renting, good careers but still waiting for salaries to increase much.

We are engaged and trying to save for a very small wedding, we know we could just go the registry office but that’s not what we want.

We are also trying to save a house deposit, but it’ll take a long time on current earnings. Hoping to maybe get there by mid thirties.

We would love to have children in the next couple of years but the likelihood is we will still be in our rented flat.

My parents are retired from reasonable jobs but never high earning at all. Through some luck, paying off their mortgage, house price rises, they are about to buy a house worth around a million. This is a huge upsizing.

AIBU to begrudge them this?
We are struggling to make any headway financially, spending thousands a year on rent, wanting a family but not being in the right position etc, whilst my parents are about to spend a huge amount of savings I didn’t know they had to upsize to a large family home they really don’t need.

We don't know if they have received the money from the sale. We don't know if they need all the money from the sale for the new property. So much assumption that OP's parents are loaded.

Just want to point out that the reason standard of living has decreased so much since the boomers generation is not just down to Tory politics. Being able to afford a house or not is the tip of the iceberg I’m afraid. Those under 35-40 will no longer be able to expect to retire. Climate change is going to destroy the stability that we’ve enjoyed in the west. The party is coming to an end, humans have been greedy and ravaged the planet and the result of that is now here to stay. I guess our parents generation are the last that have been able to enjoy living between major wars and conflicts in the U.K., had good economic prospects, and immense freedoms. No one has ever had it so good, and won’t again! It stings because we can see what they had, but just compare to any other point in history and it’s clear it would never last.

My parents' friends are now refusing to downsize due to the lack of bungalows, and moaning endlessly about how wicked it is that bungalows are being pulled down for "greedy developers" to build apartment blocks. In most densely populated countries, senior apartments are accepted as the solution if you want stair-free living - how would it possibly be fair to give pensioners one of these enormous bungalow plots per couple while asking parents with a couple of small kids to live in tiny newbuilds, cramped terrace and little flats? Some people do seem to have extraordinary ideas of just how much space they are entitled to per-person.

Well fuck me. I'm entitled to as much space as I can afford and fill up. Currently rattling around in a 3bdr bungalow that's mine, all mine, and which I am decorating to my tastes, finding ways to display my collectables, filling with an office, guest room, big bedroom for me and lots and lots of cat trees (and cats). I love my garden which I am filling to the brim with spring bulbs, scented shrubs, annuals in summer, herbaceous perennials and rare plants. I live near my village and my community with good transport links and I love to hang out at the local pub and visit the farmers' markets.

I'm not going to give it up to some young family because I will retire soon and my life then will expand not contract.

I wonder how many seniors are rotting in those tiny apartments, bemoaning their loss of house, garden, pets and community.

That won't be me, for sure!

And, I'm not a boomer. I'm an (early) X and I inherited a tiny amount from depression-era parents who had only just paid off their mortgage when they retired and they didn't move either! I got no handouts and I saved and saved for a deposit whilst not indulging in big weddings, expensive holidays (lots of backpacking though) and tech.

Good for you. Sounds wonderful!
If you're an early X though, that's 1968 onwards. So you're having a very young retirement. I don't think most of the early GenX people have a show of retiring soon.

I just don’t get what some people on this thread expect older people/ retirees to do?

Move aside, get out of the way, die quietly (but not until they have been available to provide childcare as required). Some people anyway. Definitely not have hopes and dreams and aspirations and goals that are their own. Sad attitude.

Cool, I can stay for many many more years then. Wish I did have lots of time on my hands. Funny, again, someone assumes anyone who doesn't feel entitled to their parents wealth is obviously older.

So when parents have adult children those parents should check their decisions meet some criteria their children have set?

Definitely! And no requirement on the part of the adult children to check if the timing of grandchildren works for the parents, given the service expected.

If you're an early X though, that's 1968 onwards. So you're having a very young retirement. I don't think most of the early GenX people have a show of retiring soon.

Gen X starts in 1965.

Gen X is from 1965, not 1968.

OK, so most people born in 1965 will still expect to work for a good few years before retiring, if even then. Good for those who can do it sooner though.

Move aside, get out of the way, die quietly (but not until they have been available to provide childcare as required). Some people anyway. Definitely not have hopes and dreams and aspirations and goals that are their own. Sad attitude.

You forgot not to indulge in anything 'selfish' like holidays, to work until you drop to provide for adult children and have the grace to drop dead before you selfishly spend their inheritance on care.

Sad. Makes me want to go hug my parents.

It is sad.

Its sad that some people see their parents as a cash cow or free help and not as people.

Its sad that some people see their parents as a cash cow or free help and not as people.

Yes, that's the point I was building on.

Exactly. People forget their parents are full people outside being parents.

@toastlover100 But previously you have described a wedding more than two years ago, plans to honeymoon in Sardinia and described your partner as "DH".
You were also complaining that gardeners have the temerity to charge a fair rate for their labour.

But I guess you have what you want from this thread - apparently more than 20% of responders think that after a lifetime of work and raising a family that parents should still deny themselves their dream home in order to pass it straight onto adult children.

It’s like these people haven’t grown up properly? There’s a point in your 20s that you realise your parents are people, and what they sacrificed for your childhood. Maybe it’ll kick in when OP has DC.

@Totupthenumberspls that's really interesting. I bought in 1990 and the mirtgage interest rate was really high, I think 15%

But, calculated on a relatively small loan

Oh! Are you married already, @toastlover100 ?

This!

DH and I are mid-40s, bought our first house in 2001 and are now in a position to buy our dream home AND hopefully go mortage free!

We're 45, not dead! And we can finally live our best lives.

I often see comments on here that this or that parent didn't do whatever, but that "they are wealthy". I suspect that mostly it's just imagined.

YNBU. We are a little older than you and our mortgage repayments are huge. We both have good careers and work long hours to live in a v ordinary house. Both our sets of parents had it so much easier, financially. If you feel a little resentful of that you are definitely not the only one out there.

I completely understand your feelings OP and have been in a similar scenario. We have now finally bought a shared ownership property (as could never afford to buy outright) and feel an immense sense of pride that we are finally here (in our mid thirties) and didn't receive any help, we did it ourselves.

Also, why would renting stop you having a child? Our almost 10 year old lived in rented with us, not sure what the issue is there. And we are still waiting to get married due to finances but preferred a house over a wedding!

You will get there OP but I understand the frustrations when life is tough and the people around you are living in luxury. Just grit your teeth and stay focused on your first goal. When you have achieved that, move on to the next