Retired parents UPSIZING house

[toastlover100]

I’m pretty sure IABU.

My parter and I are late 20s, renting, good careers but still waiting for salaries to increase much.

We are engaged and trying to save for a very small wedding, we know we could just go the registry office but that’s not what we want.

We are also trying to save a house deposit, but it’ll take a long time on current earnings. Hoping to maybe get there by mid thirties.

We would love to have children in the next couple of years but the likelihood is we will still be in our rented flat.

My parents are retired from reasonable jobs but never high earning at all. Through some luck, paying off their mortgage, house price rises, they are about to buy a house worth around a million. This is a huge upsizing.

AIBU to begrudge them this?
We are struggling to make any headway financially, spending thousands a year on rent, wanting a family but not being in the right position etc, whilst my parents are about to spend a huge amount of savings I didn’t know they had to upsize to a large family home they really don’t need.

I am going against the grain here. YANBU @toastlover100 If I had the opportunity to give my DC 100 thousand quid + towards a house, I would.. I would not be spending all my money on myself, and especially would not be getting a huge, large oversized house.

I would keep myself comfortable and have a decent car and a nice holiday every year, but an older car and a small house ... I would use any surplus 10s of 1000s - or 100s of 1000s of £££ to help my adult DC, as life is fucking hard for the young these days, and most cannot get on the property ladder!

To keep 100s of thousands of £££ to yourself, and let your 20-something and 30-something adult children suffer financially, and struggle, and pour 1000s of £££ a year into renting (when they could own a home with your help) is supremely selfish, and breathtakingly cold and uncaring.

If my parents had been fucking loaded and had done this to me, I would have gone very low contact with them, and when they got elderly and infirm, they could use their massive nest egg for their care. Because like fuck would I be looking after them. I wouldn't make them a cup of tea. In fact, I probably wouldn't visit. They would have made their bed! They could lie in it!

KARMA. IS. A. BITCH!

We currently allocate housing stock by ability to pay and allow people to own property for reasons other than to live in it themselves. I think allocating based upon need would be difficult to implement and have unintended consequences, although it is hardly like the current system is maximising the housing stock for the good of society.

I would propose that one answer would be to stop people owning second homes or being private landlords. I have no problem with people earning whatever they like. I also don’t have a problem with restricting what people can spend that money on (and before people get all arsey about this, I presume most people are quite happy that buying guns or children or class A drugs should be stopped).

Yes it would cause some problems for the people at the top who own multiple properties or who extract rent from someone else, but the current system is making a deeply troubled society and shafting the young. This would massively reduce demand for properties and the price, allow social housing to return and force people with excess cash to actually invest properly (ie allow themselves or society to produce something tomorrow we cannot today) rather than simply rent seek (a behaviour of a sick economy).

Chances of this happening? Nil. The boomers will never vote for it and some in generation X are waiting to get their hands on that lovely inheritance.

I dont believe DC get to tell their parents how big a house they should have.

If my DC have this level of entitlement, I am just going to piss the entire lot on a round the world cruise. (Since I don't want a big house)

Seems so 😐😐

Fair enough, as long as you don't then expect them to visit you in your care home.

What on earth?
My parents upsized after retirement. They also have plenty of money and savings. My siblings and I own our own homes, and none of us did it by getting hand outs from them. They earned their money through hard work, as we did too!

Maybe because they can finally afford to buy the house that they’ve always dreamed of?

With the rate my kids are bleeding me dry, I’ll also be well into my retirement years before I can buy the house of my dreams, even though we’ll have no one to fill it by then!

Ah the care home threat! Roll it out if your parents show any signs of insubordination.😀

I would propose that one answer would be to stop people owning second homes or being private landlords

We need private landlords. Not everyone wants to buy, and not everyone is eligible for social housing.

@SweetBirdsong the OP is not struggling financially. She did not say that. She just wants a wedding party and her own house before she has kids.

Wow what a vile attitude you have.

She certainly did not.

You are not being unreasonable.

Our parents helped us to buy and we are planning to do the same for our children. I don't understand parents who don't do this

Yin to the yang of parents holding wills and money over childrens heads if they don't do exactly what they want.

I know this is the internet but I cannot believe the vitriol.

I am upset about society wide generational wealth disparity, the state of the housing situation and how hard it is for young people. Many of whom have it a hundred times worse than me.

I simply hope that if I have children who could do with financial support in adulthood, that I would help if I was in a position to do so.

When my parents have talked of inheritance I've reminded them that they don't owe us one and have every right to blow the lot on a world trip, if that's what they want to do. They earned it, they can do with it what they want.

Good for them. I hope it is a lovely house and they enjoy it.

Think how fortunate your future children will be going to their grandparents million pound big house. My children love my parents house and it’s like the head quarters of our family - Christmas, Easter Egg Hunts, BBQ’s. See the bigger picture. One day it might be worth 1.5 million and you’ll be the beneficiary.

I simply hope that if I have children who could do with financial support in adulthood, that I would help if I was in a position to do.

You most certainly will with your parents inheritance. The bigger house you know.

Let's be fair, in most cases the house earnt it.

That's disgusting. If I'd known I'd raised such an entitled child, I'd be more inclined not to hand them money at all. I will keep it in reserve to fund my future care needs knowing what a vindictive and grabby child I have.

That is a good reason to hold onto wealth btw. If we have it we don't have to put our children (even if they're lovely) in a position where they feel they have to help us. I'd like to avoid putting that pressure on our children.

Likewise. I tell my parents I want them to use the money for themselves to enjoy their lives however they wish.

I know I'd struggle to provide care I personally wouldn't want to have to make the changes I would have to to help e.g. move in with them. I'd rather they held onto their money and got quality care help when they need it. They also don't want to burden us with that.

So I tell them to keep it so they can get the help they need and know its good help. If it means I don't get money which would help pay off my mortgage so be it ill pay my own mortgage off anyway just takea me longer but thats okay. Id rather they were treated with as much dignity as possible in old age.

I grew up in a rental unit. Doesn't matter if the house earned it. It's still their money and not their fault they were born when they were.

It would be nice if they helped you

@EveryonesSlaveApparently I just feel that this is what is happening. The eldest see how entitled their children are and put them off. If one of mine comes with this BS I am done.