Retired parents UPSIZING house

[toastlover100]

I’m pretty sure IABU.

My parter and I are late 20s, renting, good careers but still waiting for salaries to increase much.

We are engaged and trying to save for a very small wedding, we know we could just go the registry office but that’s not what we want.

We are also trying to save a house deposit, but it’ll take a long time on current earnings. Hoping to maybe get there by mid thirties.

We would love to have children in the next couple of years but the likelihood is we will still be in our rented flat.

My parents are retired from reasonable jobs but never high earning at all. Through some luck, paying off their mortgage, house price rises, they are about to buy a house worth around a million. This is a huge upsizing.

AIBU to begrudge them this?
We are struggling to make any headway financially, spending thousands a year on rent, wanting a family but not being in the right position etc, whilst my parents are about to spend a huge amount of savings I didn’t know they had to upsize to a large family home they really don’t need.

Two possibilities here:

1. You know only 1 or 2 people
2. "Virtually" is doing some fucking heavy lifting

Why not take upsizing at 60 as a goal rather than a personal slight.

If you eloped to Gretna Green you could put the 5k towards a deposit.

I would always put property before a wedding, personally.

Or maybe she is just a nice person with a sense of responsibility and right and wrong, and has mainly similar people as friends.

We bought our first home in our thirties..could only afford first child aged 33. The idea that everyone in the last generation bought a property in their 20s isn't true in the London/ Greater London areas. But it is tough for young people now especially with recent events.

@Meowandthen I don’t think a lot of young people are passive & the demographics make changing politics pretty difficult.

Spot on.🍷⭐️⭐️⭐️

Did you live in a cardboard box?

Could you be any more sanctimonious?

What twaddle. Parents do not have to give all their money to adult children.
No one is entitled to a house deposit from parents.
No one is entitled to any inheritance.

The grabby comments in this thread are vile.

My parents along with 99% of other parents must have missed that memo

More than 1% of parents help their dc though…

Exactly this. I worked out this week that in 6 months I will have worked for 50 years. We still have a mortgage with 5 years left due to having to extend mortgage because of DH ill health so I am looking into equity release so that I can retire before I drop dead from exhaustion.
So many people have said I shouldn't do it because there probably wouldn't be any inheritance left for my children but we bought this house so they would have somewhere decent to live with a nice garden not to work myself into the ground to help them. Don't get me wrong if I could help them I would but a roof over all our heads was a priority for us.
Can we please stop blaming older people for the state of the economy it's not our fault.

Parents do not have to give all their money to adult children.

@Meowandthen where has anyone said this?

So don’t bother? Then nothing changes.

The passivity is pathetic.

We have ensured that our children were brought up in a decent neighbourhood ,educated at decent schools, gave them a decent living allowance at Uni and generally a good start in life. Our mortgage is now paid off but we don’t have much in savings apart from a decent inheritance which the children have benefited from . Paid for driving lessons,first cars,insurance and so I could go on.
I desperately want to go off to NZ and tour around,I need a new car ,I want to have an annual holiday for as long as I am able to . Surely that is not too much to aim for once retired.
Unfortunately I cannot do this, because according to some pp I am expected to give my children a substantial leg up towards a deposit. I cannot do both.
Luckily my children do not have these expectations. They have seen us both work hard throughout their lives to give them a good start . They want Mum and Dad to enjoy retirement for as long as possible.
Money will be there for smaller stuff but not 50k each towards a deposit.
They will all inherit and if we downsize maybe earlier,but then what happens if we need care and are accused of deprivation of assets if we give money away . 🤷‍♀️

Can we please stop blaming older people for the state of the economy it's not our fault.

We have to acknowledge some responsibility though. I mean Brexit has damaged the economy…

YANBU, I can’t imagine not helping my children if I had the means. I would prefer to stay in a smaller house but that’s my personal opinion.

I can understand how you are feeling and sympathise even though I am probably older than your parents.

DH and I bought our first home in the mid-80s and it was hard for us due to the high interest rates and rising prices, particularly in the South East. It wasn't all milk and honey as some younger people think. Having said that, I think it is even harder now and I do feel sorry for younger people.
DH & I have helped all of our children in one way or another which, although not vast amounts as we are not wealthy, has just got them started sooner than they would have without help. It is a shame that your parents don't want to do that but you know, logically, that this is their money and they can spend it as they wish.

Have you been reading this thread? The sense of entitlement is ridiculous. Plus the claims from some that they’d give every penny to their children. Nonsense.

Well seeing as a lot of "boomers" are parents of young adults, I think not!

I thought it was something like over 60% of parents help with house deposits.

@Meowandthen I meant aren’t passive, oops! But are there enough young people to change political will?

When do parents ever get to put their own interests first then?

I'm just not that much of a martyr. And I will not be providing regular childcare either.

Thankfully my kids know the sacrifices we've made to bring them up already and would never expect it.

It sounds like they worked hard and I’m sure struggled too. In ways you won’t even know about.
I would be very pissed if when I retire my kids resent me spending my hard earned cash in any bloody way I see fit. I’ve gone hungry to feed my kids and get where I am.
Maybe your parents did too. Get over yourself!

We have to acknowledge some responsibility though. I mean Brexit has damaged the economy…
Are you assuming that all older people voted for Brexit because we didn't.

@Meowandthen The thread I’m reading shows a lot of misinterpretation eg the OP wanting some help means she wants 1.2m.

‘But why would you go through all the effort and dedication of bringing children into the world, loving them, trying to feed them welland support them through their schooldays etc etc etc - then just push them.out of the door and pull up the drawbridge . It just doesn't feel very - parenty.’

There is a group of posters on MN who think the moment kids turn 18, you treat them like strangers who should not expect any support, as if they did, they would be being ‘entitled’.