To report the engineer that came to my house?

[Thejewellershands]

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

Definitely report him, but also definitely treat conversation like this:

"I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate."

as a learning experience and don't do it in future as men are very likely to over-interpret friendliness as sexual interest.

What the fuck is your problem? The post makes complete sense.

To your question OP about what the company will say back to you.
It's likely they'll ask you to document in writing if you haven't and should tell you that they will investigate and will take it seriously. You may get contacted then by the investigator if they have further questions. You'll be unlikely to get much further information than they are "taking appropriate action" because they can't generally reveal what the action is.
But the right thing to do is to report regardless as it may be that others have done so and they can put together a pattern of behaviour. And certainly it may prevent the next woman from being targeted

Please report. And from the end of your interactions he already thinks you have.

So this is what bravery looks like. The customer before you didn't report he escaped and now you bare dealing with. If you do not report you ARE passing the issue on to someone else down the line.

It is not your fault at all.

Well done if you do report him, Op. I’m still gutted I didn’t report the creepy taxi driver who propositioned me and drove me down a dark lane deliberately 20 years ago. I was young at the time but once the shock and fear wore off I was left feeling angry and powerless. Take back control and report this f*cker.

@Minimili I am so sorry you had to endure all that. And disgusted with Sky that they didn't deal with it correctly in the first instance xxx

@Tillow4ever That's absolutely horrific. I can't imagine how scared you were xxx

This is appalling behaviour and your feelings of fear are completely valid. Staying down and chatting to him is NOT a reason for him to act in this predatory manner. I would report him to his company and seek advice from the police. Hope you’re ok, what a horrible thing to have to go through x

Absolutely report it and I would also ask the energy company that he is not assigned to your house again.

Why are you on a site like this, let alone posting in response to someone’s thread if you literally CBA to even read the OP? What makes you think your thoughts and opinions are so essential that people should have to précis their posts for your easy reading just to receive your special attention and pearls of wisdom?! FFS, this place gets madder by the day.

OP, well done for getting your thoughts down while the conversation was clear in your head. I’ve been in a similar situation with two small children in the house and it was terrifying. Even though I’d describe myself as very confident to shut down men in most situations, it’s very different when they’re actually in your home.

It gave me the absolute rage reading your post. This fucker is a sexual predator and needs to be stopped, but not at the expense of your mental health and feeling of security in your own home. I think you should definitely report, but maybe try to do so anonymously, as some people have suggested. It sounds like it’s his standard MO to test and push lone women like this when he’s out on jobs, so he won’t necessarily know it’s you if you don’t disclose specific details of time/date/location.

I’m so sorry this happened to you 💐

I would 1000% report. Even if he does find out what is he going to do? You can also advise the police on an non-emergency line so if he was, not that I think he will, come back they have a note on the system.
Regardless if you was over friendly or not he crossed the line and made YOU feel uncomfortable in your own home.
Some men are just pigs!

@MrsChambers40 ever seen those news articles and interviews where they find out someone is responsible for a rape and murder, and turns out that there was a more minor incident or 2 that didn't get reported... and there's a grieving mum and dad saying "if only that person had reported him, our daughter might still be here"...

Yeah. That. This is not normal behaviour.

Some men are pigs and dangerous, especially when angry or provoked.

There’s a very different kind of fear and vulnerability when this happens in your own home - they already know exactly who you are and where you live. If he’s ballsy enough to freely sexually predate on clients, you’ve no idea how he might react to losing his job. This guy has already said he turned up out of the blue at a previous client’s house with ‘some shopping’ and ended up having sex with her - god alone knows if that women consented freely or through a sense of fear or obligation.

It’s all very well for everyone to be demanding the OP report and guilt tripping her from behind their keyboards (not singling you out in particular, @LivA), but it’s not them who’ll have to deal with the possibility of repercussions, however remote that may seem.

Men behaving this way is not some form of natural hazard like a severe storm, that with the right precautions and good luck women may be able to avoid. This man will have not only breached company policy several times over, but has stepped very close to breaking the law (using his knowledge of personal data to access women, possibly hate speech.) I understand if the OP is frightened to report, but if we keep shrugging out shoulders and saying 'well, that's men for you..' how will it ever stop?

You really need to report him, both to the employer (if it was a company) and to the police. This is Pre-cursor behaviour. I think he sounds like a dangerous individual who is predatory. Sitting outside your home is stalker behaviour, as is grooming young vulnerable women with shopping and expecting sex in return. As a professional he is given people’s addresses and therefore has a responsibility to act accordingly. Using private information to then return to a home is unacceptable. Often predators will act a certain way, gaining confidence and then the next woman might be a victim of assault. This all sounds really horrible and I’d feel the same. I have had similar experiences, but have always had a child in the house, even so, one particular man kept messaging me after he left and telling me he was “in the bath” and other weird things. I kept all the messages as I was scared he might come back and try to get in the house. I was also very friendly (just my way). Being friendly and chatty in no way makes you culpable for some disgusting individuals behaviour- that is victim shaming. The blame lies solely on his shoulders for being a heinous individual.

What a vile man. Totally predatory. He will have done this with many more women so please report him as his company need to know who they are employing. If he also made racist and mysoginistic comments I would report this online to the police. He will at least be on their radar then. Hugs OP. You did absolutely nothing wrong

I have already reported him, I posted an update last night. It says that someone will get back to me within 2 working days

I haven’t read all the comments but any that say you “should’ve done this or should’ve done that” are just misogynistic. This is in no way your fault! Someone is in your home, you’re alone, he knows you’re alone, he’s being absolutely hideous telling you this stuff. You have to think why he’s telling you this stuff, and why he’s asking you these things? He’s getting off on it. You were at risk. Doesn’t matter what way you acted- none of this is your fault. If you’d have shut him down he may have become violent. We don’t know. The point is, his behaviour was not created by you- you have no control over his behaviour.

Thank you for this ❤️❤️ and to the other people who have also said the same

OP give it two days and if no Reply then call
up . You need to be herd.

@5128gap the OP came on for opinions and I gave mine as did lots of people. We obviously don't all have to agree and she's reported him now anyway therefore my opinion is irrelevant.

100% report him. Vile.

Absolutely REPORT. You may save some other woman from assault.

And I would not go upstairs either on my own, as someone may follow you up. Try and have someone else in house if work needs done

100% report. I had similar but non sexual. Asked to use toilet gone long time - I checked - found he was in my bedroom - probably casing the joint. I reported him as no reason to be in bedroom. BTW he left a nasty smell in my loo!!.!

When you're there in the moment and you're alone together in the house it really isn't easy to shut down the conversation.
Sadly I've been there too and it's just awful. I've always been non chatty with all engineers since.