To report the engineer that came to my house?

[Thejewellershands]

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

No not yet. Before I submitted it I read somewhere on the website that they will get back to you within two days. But then once I submitted it it said within a week

I'm also wondering this.

I'm not sure if want to be alone in a room with the 3% that voted you to be unreasonable! You most definitely need to report this creep, that's appalling! Well done on keeping calm and not engaging with the conversation once it went pear shaped! I hope you're ok now. I'd also be reporting it to the police so it's on record in case he decides to call on you unannounced too, sorry to scare you by saying that but it's a possibility.

For those saying they would have said something to him, can I ask what exactly you would have said or how you would have responded? I am like the OP, I never know what to say when things like this happen and I feel very uncomfortable reacting, almost like I'm the one being rude!

It would be very handy to have something to say. I've managed the odd "that's not really appropriate, is it?" in the past but I don't think I deliver it well

I think it's more about just being absolutely cold than what is said. You can even say nothing but give a withering look. I think these type of guys are pretty good at reading those sort of signals. An example in this case might be.. when he said about going to the other woman's house: "well don't try that with me!" Followed by a firm glare and then maybe a wry smile to keep things comfortable but still making it clear that his attention is absolutely unwanted.

@Staffymum1899
An example in this case might be.. when he said about going to the other woman's house: "well don't try that with me!" Followed by a firm glare and then maybe a wry smile to keep things comfortable but still making it clear that his attention is absolutely unwanted.

I completely see what you're saying here but not sure men do read the 'signals' that well. How many men have we heard saying 'she was asking for it' when this couldn't be further from the truth. I think in this situation, the engineer could have easily misread 'don't try that with me' as 'now I've mentioned you [not] coming back here, that's practically an invitation for you to turn on on my doorstep next week.'

A genuine tradesman, such as myself, may follow up and ask how things with the job are going and may if you built up a genuine ( but professional rapport) ask for a review. This guy sounds creepy and maybe he's sounding you out, he might have realised he has overstepped the line and is trying to smooth over the waters. My advice is unblock him but do not respond. Let him hang himself and only deal with his head office. Something just seems off with him. I wouldn't dream of talking to a customer in this manner. Absolutely do not engage with him directly. It's people like him that give genuine people like me and a million others a bad name. You would think in this day and age, that sort of behaviour was behind us. I'm sorry you experienced this, it's not acceptable!

That's what I meant by the look is important, not what you say. These type of men are trying it on daily, probably with multiple women. They understand when someone isn't entertaining their antics. Most important is: don't be scared it's rude. Polite but firm and clear isn't
rude. And for those who say but I don't want to make him angry... it's unlikely imo that it would be dangerous. The goal is romancing you/bedding you, not hurting you. And they know they are being inappropriate.. so they are kind of already expecting/prepared for your rejection. Of course be careful always, but I don't equate a man who is flirting inappropriately with a dangerous man. I'd be more scared of the one that was silent tbh. But of course every situation is different, use your instinct.

UPDATE:

I have received a call today from the company. They have assured me that they have taken the complaint very seriously. They wanted to call me to let me know that they are investigating this and that I was absolutely correct to report it. They said if any further contact is attempted from him that I should call the police. They did say though as well that from this point on I won’t hear the outcome of the investigation but wanted to reassure me that it is happening and he is currently suspended while the investigation is pending so that he can’t enter anyone else’s homes.

Im at work and I’m shaking knowing that he’s suspended and probably so annoyed. I have my ring doorbell now anyway and won’t be answering my door to anyone unless I know who it is

well this is fantastic news = well done you for being brave and taking action.

Wonderful news sounds like a right creep.

You’ve done the right thing x

Thanks for updating, OP. I'm pleased they have taken it seriously and you have done a huge favour to countless women.

@Thejewellershands, a great outcome! Hopefully, while he's at home during his suspension, he will think about his behaviour and how to act professionally if he ever gets a customer facing role again. It's great that you are able to stop this person entering the homes of other women and stop the cycle! 👏🏻

You absolutely did the right thing.

You could very well have saved plenty of women from the same harassment or even worse..

You’ve done the right thing! I’m glad you have a ring doorbell now.

OP, well done you for reporting him, absolutely vile man.

Please though, in future, if you can, don't let a random man into your home when you're on you're own. See if a friend/ relative can come around at the same time. It's just not worth the risk, also, going upstairs to the bedroom would be seriously risky with an unknown man in the house.

I have (an extremely, extremely loud) personal attack alarm, it was only about £15 off amazon, if you do have to be alone with an unknown man in your home again, I'd keep that on you.

@Thejewellershands Bloody fantastic news, thank you so much for the update. I can understand you'd be nervous now, but the company have done the right thing and sound like they're 100% behind you in reporting this sleaze! And I'm glad you now have your ring doorbell! And to be honest, I reckon if he did turn up, which I actually very much doubt, he'd see that and it would make him think twice! And don't ever forget, he brought this on himself! Sending hugs, you did absolutely the right thing! 🤗🤗🤗

I'm so glad that they have taken the matter seriously and action is being taken. Take care and it's good that you are taking precautions...best to be on the safe side. Take care. xx

@Thejewellershands
Well done for reporting this cretin. Just think how many women,this year,next year and beyond,you've saved from experiencing the same thing. His sort don't stop,no doubt he utilises the scattergun effect, 99 out of 100 women are disgusted but there's probably that 1 woman who is particularly vulnerable and more easily manipulated. You've done all women in your area a favour.

Brilliant news that the company have acted on your concerns. You have put paid to his repulsive actions. Also by sharing your story on MN you have raised awareness with other women, you have empowered other women to call out his behaviour to his face and when his colleagues hear about his story they will learn that entering someone's house requires you to follow protocols.

I get the feeling that OP might be a little nervous about the man. It is hard to imagine that he will get back in touch in the circumstances. Glad to hear that you have the bell sorted. Sleep well.

Out of interest with no video footage or recording, how do the company knows it's true.

People can just deny things without proof and will. He'll say prove it. I didn't do that. Then where?

I’m not sure. I have wondered the same thing. They have said they are doing an investigation but I don’t know what that involves

I suppose a few things are non debatable like the text message with winky emoji. The information he gave you may be known to colleagues/boss such as the affair baby, which will demonstrate truth in your account. There is likely a pattern here that may be uncovered through further investigation of his work phone/email.

And, I suspect, when asked face to face he may hang himself with comments like “she was encouraging it” which is the idiot’s version of “yes, it’s true”.

It is amazing how a little gentle questioning reveals things a person meant to keep hidden.

Much depends on the skill of the investigator of course but there is a reason why silence and 'no comment' is a route taken by experienced criminals!