He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

Why have you let this go on for so long? He sounds awful
ask him to leave! No, tell him

He has absolutely hoodwinked you here. What a cocklodger! So you've picked up cooking and cleaner and he's not contributing to the household.

He's must have saved an absolute fortune this year. Kick him out and end the relationship!!!

Well then a boyfriend leading to potential marriage was never going to fit into that set up very well, was it?

THIS!. ⬆

In spades!

It's yOUR home - not his. You and your mum and children got along well enough before he moved in - he is now attempting to break up your relationship with her so that HE can be the one who says what goes in YOUR house.

This is the beginning of a bullying and controlling situation. He will start with your DM, and move on to your children (too noisy, too messy etc) and your friends. He'll destroy every relationship except one. Guess which one that will be.

Plus - you can get another bloke. You only ever have one mother, and she is obviously someone you've got on well with in the past. She is the one you need in your life. Don't let him destroy this healthy relationship - and don't let your children see him control you like this.

So... he moved into your house, he was the only one who had any financial benefits from moving in (because one assumes he paid much more in expenses and costs at his previous house and now, based on what you've said, he's only paying the extra costs he incurs at your house?) and he thinks he gets to control everything?

haha.

Make him move out. This is completely and totally unreasonable. I actually think I hate him.

Why on earth is he still there? Why are you even asking this.

As you seem to be considering his demands request is there part of you that wants her gone?

What does your Mother think of him? Is she aware that he wants her to move out?

When he refuses the meals DM makes, does he then cook something or do you do it for him?

This one got my spidey senses right up OP.

How dare he come into your house, into existing arrangements he knew all about and demand your mother leaves.

Like other posters, I think he’ll start on your children as soon as he’s got your mother out of the way.

He sounds useless anyway - what’s he bringing to the table if you’re doing all the chores and he only pays for himself?

What do your children and your mother think of him?

I actually think I hate him.

So do I @JadziaD

If he doesn't even make the effort to eat your mother's cooking then he needs to move out. PDQ.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

If the living situation stays as it is then you will get more and more used to being bullied by this rude selfish lazy man. He needs to leave.

What's wrong with your brain if 1, you have tolerated this for a year,2, you haven't told him to sling his hook as he is a bloody hypocrite, expecting his voice to be heard but not wanting your mum to have a say and 3, you need to ask.
Stand up for you and your mum and don't let some bullying bloke ruin your life.

@NotQuiteNorma well no, maybe not but the boyfriend knew the set up before moving in.

He's clearly being totally unreasonable, though I have some sympathy about living with an 'in law', which I'm sure many of us wouldn't want to do.

However my mil had two short periods of living with us and it worked well as she completely did her own thing. She didn't want to get in our way, cooked her own food etc.

But this is very different as your mother has been living with you as a member of your family long before he arrived, so it's much more her home than his. And he seems to have no understanding or concern for this. If he was reasonable, you could work out something, but he doesn't seem to be so .....

So you’ve allowed a bloke to move into your home, get his feet under your table, let yourself became his maid, dictate what happens in the house, be rude to your own mother and are now considering doing what he says and kicking her out.

He wants her out so he can completely control you, you do realise that?

Honestly if you are that desperate for a man and have so little awareness that this man’s behaviour is very concerning, I’d be worried about your capacity for keeping your children safe.

Why are you letting this man ruin your family? Your mum sounds great, your children sound happy and you have brought this complete fucking idiot into the house who is trying to destroy what you have.

Her home before him. I’d have him gone, soon.

Get him out now. It will be your kids he wants rid of next.

Vile creature.

As pp have said, get rid of him. Tell him it's not working out and you think it's best he moves out. He'll have a massive hissy fit and show you his true colours (as if he hadn't already) and that will be the end of your relationship but I don't think that's a bad thing based on this thread so far.

I would say he is extremely aware that your mother is your greatest protector, and whilst she is in the house he will never be able to control you the way he wants.

Agree with the above, after mum it will be your kids, then your friends, then a stake on your house.

Time to rid yourself.

What does that have to do with it?

He has no respect for your elderly mother. I wouldn't be able to look at the jerk. He'd be out, no questions.

Oh FFS just sign the bloody house over to his ownership OP and cut out all this dithering.

What a pushover.

What did he think living with a new partner, her three children and her elderly mother would be like?

He doesn’t sound pleasant. He’s the new kid on the block, your Mum as been around your entire life and your children’s. I would stand firm. I would say ‘I categorically will NOT be asking my Mum to move out, if you don’t like the living arrangements, let’s go back to what we were doing before and you move out.’

I imagine he moved in with the goal of getting your mother out, and gradually taking over the house. Your kids will be in the way next and he will start complaining about and bullying them. Get this controlling creep out of your life, your mother's life and your children's life. He's no catch, believe me.

I am so shocked by threads on here where OPs are so desperate to try and manufacture a relationship with some loser that they lose sight of the needs of their kids and, in this instance, your mother.

He'd be the one moving out if I were in your shoes, OP.