Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He wants me to kick my mum out

1000 replies

Areyouhavingabubble2 · 19/01/2024 08:50

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 19/01/2024 09:47

Let us know if you need any help packing his bags.

Missingmybabysomuch · 19/01/2024 09:47

"Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is"
YABVU - it shouldn't stay the same, he should be packing his bloody bags!

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 19/01/2024 09:48

NotQuiteNorma · 19/01/2024 09:44

Unless you're from a culture where extended families live together, is there any particular reason why your mum has no independence of her own? Her own place? I mean I'm assuming your mum hasn't always lived with you all her life. What actually brought that about in the first place?

Maybe because that's what they both wanted?

Dweetfidilove · 19/01/2024 09:48

He can’t even control himself, but wants to control a household. Ship him back to wherever he came from 🙄

Throwawayme · 19/01/2024 09:49

All the pps who said kick him out instead are right. What a dick. He is not in charge of your home!

Wheresthebeach · 19/01/2024 09:49

Wow - get him out before he gets his name on the deeds. Jesus OP - how awful for your mum and kids. The atmosphere must be terrible.

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 19/01/2024 09:49

Want me to come round? I'll get rid of him for you with my big toe up his arse.
What a complete arsehole, he moved into your home knowing the situation, gets his feet firmly under your table then wants to throw your DM out???
How long before he starts on your DC?
Get rid of him

DeeLusional · 19/01/2024 09:49

DisforDarkChocolate · 19/01/2024 09:13

You're unreasonable asking him to just get used to it.

The reasonable thing to do is to tell him to leave. But you needed to expect somethings to change when he moved in and made plans for you two to have some privacy. Not that you'd get much with children in the house.

OP did make plans for privacy, she gave DM her own sitting room.

JSMill · 19/01/2024 09:50

He sounds horrible. It must be very tense in your house. He knew the situation when he moved in. You need to tell him to leave.

BlokeHereInPeace · 19/01/2024 09:50

Can I offer a male perspective?

Kick him out. This is an awful situation for you and your children and your mum. It sounds like a good inter-generational household set up. Does he pay any rent or anything like that?

Silverfoxette · 19/01/2024 09:50

First your mother then he’ll start on your kids!

FatFemale · 19/01/2024 09:50

Wow, i think its time for him to go. You are doing a wonderful thing by looking after your mum, sorry he has to go imo

Alohapotato · 19/01/2024 09:50

Kick him out, he is bullying your mum, next will be your children...

hevs03 · 19/01/2024 09:50

I am enraged for you about this, as others have said, he is a horrible man, who will only make your life worse, he sounds controlling now, imagine if you did as he asked, got your Mum to move out, how controlling would he be then to you and possibly your children. If you want to stay in a relationship with him then that is up to you but personally if you do I would still get him to move out, have his own place and go from there perhaps,. but I don't think I could continue in a relationship with someone like him. Your Mum and children are the most important people in you life and life is too short to be stuck in the middle like you are.

Alohapotato · 19/01/2024 09:50

Silverfoxette · 19/01/2024 09:50

First your mother then he’ll start on your kids!

Totally agree.

Princessbananahamock · 19/01/2024 09:51

Next it will be the children , and when they get to a certain age they will be “encouraged “ by him either by his behaviour or actions. He is what I call a Cuckoo cocklodger and like others have said a massive red flag 🚩

NotQuiteNorma · 19/01/2024 09:51

Supernova23 · 19/01/2024 09:46

What has this got to do with anything? It’s none of your business. Perhaps it makes life easier for work, finances and childcare?

If it means she can't have a 'normal' relationship then it has quite a lot to do with it. The fact is this isn't the average set up. How many of you have your mums living in your house? Probably very few. Her mum has very little independence and op has very little privacy as a result.

FuckBalledTwattyPiss · 19/01/2024 09:51

It's perfectly reasonable not to want to live with your in-laws. Which is why you don't move in with them in the first place.

GoingDownLikeBHS · 19/01/2024 09:51

I'm really confused why OP is allowing this to go on and isn't really answering that question. Surely she sees that it has to end? That the "partner" must move out and get his own accommodation?

Ejismyf · 19/01/2024 09:51

Get him to fuck.

Ejismyf · 19/01/2024 09:51

As in tell him today and get him out this weekend.

seb1983 · 19/01/2024 09:52

Bag up his stuff, throw it out front and then message him to collect his shit today and then block. As pp's have said, first it's your mum, it will be your children next. Please put your family first.

Blanca87 · 19/01/2024 09:52

Sorry but this HAS to be a wind up.

NewFriendlyLadybird · 19/01/2024 09:53

Another vote for suggesting strongly that he should be the one to leave.

Trinity65 · 19/01/2024 09:53

Get Rid of Him, not your Mother

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.