He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

He knew the situdtion and was fine with it up to the point he moved in. Then he didn't like it. Ergo he wanted to get rid of your mum from the start.

Has he asked to go on the deeds yet? He will. Then he'll try to get you out of the house.

He has no right to stay so bin him. Sit him down and explain that if he doesn't want to live under the same roof as your mum then he can have his way. Show him his stuff in black plastic bags. Make sure thst you have new locks waiting in your handbag.

If he refuses to go, call the police. If you don't feel brave enough to call in front of him, have a friend sat outside in a car who can call the police on your behalf if he doesn't emerge by a set time. If you have a landline, dial 999 and drop the receiver the minute they reply.

Wow, he sounds like a total AH, is he going to expect you to boot your kids out too when they come of age!!??
Give him his marching orders, he's already making it uncomfortable in your home. He needs to grow up! 🤬

If he doesn’t like it he should leave, not my mum.

Only read OPs but guessing the concensus will be he needs to leave. The relationship should be over even if he does due to his controlling behaviour, trying to manipulate things his way in a home he doesn't even own. A cuckoo slowly kicking out the rightful occupants, one by one.

Have you asked him to move out?

Surely this is the best and only solution.

If he’s not happy, then he needs to move out.

I would say that you can still maintain a relationship with him living in a different home but tbh I’m not sure why you’d want to after the way he’s acted and the things he said about your mum.

I agree with @TeaGinandFags that he was planning to move in and kick your mum out from the start.

Kick him out

It’s as if he’s a massive cocklodger cuckoo in the nest. He’s going to chuck out all your other chicks and get bigger and bigger while you continue to feed the horrible selfish fucker.

Throw. The. Whole. Man. Away.

It won't end with your Mum your OP. He's showing you who he is.

He knew the situation before he moved in, if he doesn't like it he can move himself right back out again.

He is creating the hostile environment.
He is teaching your kids unhealthy relationship dynamics
He is bullying your mum.
You are running around enabling this entitled asshole.
You are letting this cock lodger stay.

Kick him out.

If he gets his way with your mum, the kids will be next. Mark my words.

This isn't going to get better, is it? So what are you going to do about it?

Well the damage is done now. You need to tell him to leave for your poor mums sake.

She shouldn't be bullied and treated like this in her own home. And don't think your kids haven't noticed how vile he is. Raise your bar.

Agree he goes

I do hope your poor mum doesn't realise what your boyfriend is trying to get you to do, and more importantly that she doesn't know you actually asked people's opinions on an internet forum about what you should do! If I was your mum and was aware that my daughter was seriously considering chucking me out of my home because her boyfriend was pressuring her to do so, I would be heartbroken.

Kick him out it will be your kids annoying him next.

This.

If he doesn’t like it he should leave, not my mum.

He won’t leave,though,because he’s getting free food, free accommodation, meals cooked for him, sex on demand and you do his cleaning and household admin. What a cushy life he has !

You need to be forceful OP.

Don't give him the option to stay. Tell him the relationship no longer works for you and he’s has to move out asap.

You need to take measures to stop him causing further psychological harm to you, your kids and your mum.
The man’s a menace !

How can you love someone who treats your closest family like shit ?
And he’s not behaving as someone who loves you, that’s for sure !

I admit to being curious @Bubbleohseven - would this redeem him in some way? Is this the measure of a good partner? Pretty low bar if you ask me. Not everyone likes cut flowers.

@TeaGinandFags

Very good advice.

People saying 'kick him out' don't appreciate it might not be that simple.
Esp since he sounds quite controlling.

Good to have everything in place when telling him to leave.

Who the hell does he think he is? How dare he! He came into YOUR home knowing the situation. HE should be the one to go with his disrespectful self! Why is he not eating her food? He's probably making her feel uncomfortable in her own home. Just out of interest, what is he like with the kids? Will he be asking them to go too?!

I hope when I'm old and vulnerable, I don't have to deal with some hideous bloke trying to kick me out my home, out of the blue! Must be really worrisome and upsetting for your poor mum ☹️.

To echo what others have said, I'd get rid of him from your life - he sounds very demanding, and actually quite cruel too.

You've got it. Exactly this.

If he doesn’t like it he should leave, not my mum.

The choice shouldn't be his. You should be making him get out. If you love your mum there is no contest.

Actually your mum being there has done you a favour. He's had to show his true colours earlier than he might have done. Otherwise he could have kept up the pretence of being a decent person rather than the selfish controlling twat that he is for longer and you'd have been in deeper.

PS Let me guess. Before he moved in he was renting, yes? He saw you coming.

He sounds potentiallyvolatile, I would bag his stuff up or give him bags to do it himself if he threatens you, get the lock changed, tell him to leave. For the sake of my sanity I would book him a travelodge for a few nights so he has somewhere to stay y then he cant complain you're leaving him homeless and he has time to find somewhere else. Call the police if he kicks off, good suggestion above to have a friend or family with you. Buy him a pot noodle for his dinner.

YABU to allow this man to stay. Your house, your rules. How dare he dictate to you. Throw him out, not your mother.

He should leave anyway, sounds like an arse!
Get yourself a better partner, one that is accepting of the situation, and preferably is happy to live in his own space for the foreseeable…

OP next man you meet, tell him your mum owns your home, not that you do.

Even better if you have a sibling or aunt who might be a feasible owner who would not automatically leave the house to you in their will. It will put off anyone who sees you as a long term financial investment.