He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

Please tell us where you found this gem of a man. Redflags4u.com by any chance?

I am staggered at how low some people set the bar. Do you think you're setting your children a good image of what a healthy relationship is?

What exactly does he bring to the table apart from his audacity and his collection of flags?

You will regret the day he stepped over your doorstep.

The living situation should change pronto - ie kick the partner out, he can find his own place and leave you and your family to live your life the way you want.

Don't be bullied by him. If he persuades you to throw your mum out, next it will be your teenage children getting in his way ....

OP, you don’t seem to have mentioned any good qualities of your partner and quite frankly he’s not demonstrating any!! You are not unreasonable to expect him to behave differently as he knew what he was getting into by living with all of you. The reality is he’s moved in and does not like it. His choices are to change his attitude or leave. It’s not your job to make the world fit him. The other 90% of people in your home are happy - why would you disrupt that for a man who puts only himself first? First it’s your mum , then it will be your children ….then he’ll be after your assets. He is not demonstrating being a person for you.

Even if my mother in law was lovely, I wouldn’t want to live with her. Lack of privacy being my main concern.
However, your partner knew the situation before he moved in, so he needs to accept it or leave.
And you need to decide who you would like to live in your house and stick to it.

The problem with that ultimatum is that he will inevitably decide to stay and you will still be doing his cooking and cleaning.

While he refuses to contribute financially more than his personal expenses.

You should be asking him to leave regardless of whether he can learn to live with your mum or not.

This is an awful situation you've allowed. He pays nothing and sounds like he does nothing and wants to chuck your mum out?!
He'll be wanting to go on the deeds next.
And/Or want to chuck your children out when they are old enough.
Why on earth are you accepting this behaviour from him?!
I'd rather be single.

Yikes, he's a wrong 'un. First steps in isolating you from loved ones and controlling you. He sounds awful. And you were fine with your Mum till he rocked up weren't you. Get rid. Now!

If he doesn’t contribute financially to the household then he has no right to dictate what goes on. If he doesn’t like it he knows where the door is.

Don't be a doormat OP, think of the example you are setting your children in allowing him to dictate things.

I dont remember saying it wasnt a good deal for him. I asked a few questions about his own situation and maybe its financial reliance he has got to be there. Maybe he just wants to be with her, but not her mum. OK, quote a little section and make it look bad if you want

You seriously need to raise your standards OP. He's living in your house, you are paying expenses and this twat thinks he can start throwing his weight around and making demands. Kick him out of your house and your life, he's a wrong'un.

@Areyouhavingabubble2 are you reading any of the replies? Whether he ‘likes it’ or not is irrelevant. Can you prioritise your kids? Get the man out of their home.

You don't need MN to tell you what's the right thing to do? If that's the case, you seriously need to consider some help. You are the type to put a man before your own kids. You really are. No one needs to tell you that your situation was clear as day. You just wanted one person to justify you keeping him there. Shame on you for even considering this, thinking of kicking your elderly mother out who helps you and has a relationship with your dc. Ridiculous that random people needed to tell you what to do!

This woman raised you, fed you kept you alive went through all the struggles every mum faces. If you kick her out you rightfully will never forgive yourself. Kick this stupid entitled man out of your home and view it as a lucky escape. This is a giant red flag of controlling behaviour and he knows your mum will not allow you to be controlled which is why he is trying to isolate you. Wise up and quickly. I suggest telling him he needs to find somewhere else to stay this week. Be thankful nothing is in his name.

Er.. so he moves into YOUR home, where YOUR Mum is already living, and thinks he calls the shots? Get rid - or he'll take over before you know it. Next, it'll be your kids he's picking on. Then, before you know it, he'll have nowhere to go and you'll be stuck with him, then he'll want paying before he agrees to move out...rinse and repeat.

The door's that way, fella. Bye.

I have to admit , I wouldn’t have moved in to begin with because I wouldn’t want to live with someone else’s mother. But he did! So he doesn’t just get to put your mum out of her home. Get rid of him, he sounds more trouble than he’s worth.

Now I see rationally that this isn’t the case and wanted to have some clarity from others that I’m sane and my decision not to kick my mum out is normal behaviour

Your decision to not kick your mum out is 100% normal! She's your mum FFS.

His cocklodging wank weasels wants come way down the list. Quite frankly, the first time he slagged off your mum or was rude about her, he should have gone.

The fact that it is your home that you shared with her before he even appeared...makes his behaviour even more disgusting. He's trying to exclude her in her own home. That's disgraceful behaviour - and your kids will pick up on it.

He needs to go.

You own it, pay all the expenses, yet he's laying down the law?

If that were me, he'd be out on his arse so fast that the door wouldn't even have time to slam on it on his way out.

Who the hell does he think he is?

You're unreasonable not to tell him to leave.

Yes - I wouldn’t date him either! I meant that she could go for that option - but I certainly wouldn’t. He knew the situation when he moved in, and he’s the one who needs to go.

Into the bin 🗑 with him.

Is this the example male role figure you want for your children?
Always respect your elders I was taught, and I hope to teach my son.
If it was me, id say bye bye boyfriend.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

Why does he think he gets a say. I'd move him out again, pronto.

I think you should ask your partner to move out as he is too painful to live with and interfering in your life

Don't blame you for being annoyed and yes he is in the wrong.

I think he has to go - currently it's your Mum - few years expect it will be your kids especially if as teens they want to have their mates round.

Just saw your latest post OP and glad you’re beginning to see the light.

I have my mum living with me now and would never, ever kick her out to please some controlling deadbeat loser of a man… or ANY man !
Because any man who loves you will care about your family and that includes your elderly mother and your children.

I can understand a man not wanting to live with his MIL but he sounds just nasty in the way he’s dealing with this.

I feel sorry for your mum and kids.How dare he move onto your home and isolate your mum to her own living room and limit her visitors ! In the name of “privacy”!

I hope you don’t waste any time in telling him to find his own place ( and preferably dump him too).