He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

I wouldn't even bother giving him the choice, he is rude, refuses to eat mums food, just get rid and tell him to go, help him pack his bags. If you let him stay what's next for you, no friends over, no noise, no contact with mum, life the way he demands in YOUR home.

In your situation I think life would be much simpler with a (nice) guy who had his own place whilst your own household carried on as it has been doing. Living with your romantic partner can be overrated!

Please tell him that. It was your mum's home first.

It was your mum's home first (and you were and are happy with that). He can let himself out. What a bully.

You would be unreasonable if you don't kick him out. He doesn't have to like it, he should leave either way. Sounds to me like he just wants to isolate you so his real agenda can kick in. Next will be your kids irritating him.

I'm amazed and saddened for your mum that you don't even think he's the problem!

I agree, kick him out. What will he do when your kids reach an age he considers independent, kick them out? Think of the affect this is having not only on your lovely supportive mother, but your children witnessing this tension every day.

He’s shown you who he is OP - believe him.

Your poor mum!

He sounds like a right nasty fucker, and he needs chucking out. Trust me, if he gets his way on this you're done for.

If you make your mum leave , how long will it be until your kids start irritating him. I’d show him the door Op , he doesn’t sound very pleasant.

He is not kind

Your mum was there first and he knew what he was getting into. If he doesn't like it he knows where the door is.

Get rid of of him. He knew the "deal" so it's not like it was sprung on him.

I know your mum is elderly but does she have the strength to boot him out of the house exactly like Uncle Phil booted Dj Jazzy jeff out of their house on the Fresh Prince? If so this is the only logical solution to your problem

I wouldn't trust him, if you say anything to him he may put on an act of changing his ways but it won't last and you'll be suckered in even more. It's shameful on you that you have allowed your mum to be bullied by this nasty man. As nasty as he is you need to take a good look at your own part in this.

Raise your bar.

Baffled at all those questionning why mum is there. Its her home and she shouldnt have to justify living there to anyone. Thats the set up the numbnuts walked into and has tried to change from day 1 so no, dont talk it through and try and change things, just kick the grade 1 tosser out. Hes not a child who needs the glaring obvious explained, he clearly just thinks he can dictate and yes 100% it will be the kids next. Give him the boot quickstyle!

Dump his dumb ass. Please. For the sake of your elderly mother and your poor children.
What on earth are you teaching your children staying with a man like that.
And he may be nice and this is his only issue, but once she's gone there will be another issue and then another. He will take control and isolate you.

Don't stand your ground and argue with this man. LEAVE HIM!

Sounds like its all a mix of emotions.

Yes ok you 'want' your mum to live with you and you like it. Thats fine for you but it is not normal and it is completely understandable for your partner to not like it. You have already said that you wouldnt like it. So give him a break for that.

You have changed nothing from before he moved in and yes he was 100% aware of the living situation. It was his choice. Where was he living before he moved in? Can he financially afford to have his own place? Did you 'want' him to move in? Has he got emotional ties with your DC?

But the twist is, maybe he loved you and wants to live with you. It is your choice if that includes your mum and maybe that is too much for him. Can you blame him for trying it out?

How he is going about the rest sounds like he has come to the end of his tether. He is doing himself and you and your family no favours. Be honest with him, you dont intend to move mum out and its your house. He either accepts it or he moves out. Wether your relationship can then move on is down to both of you.

How fucking dare he? Glad this thread has helped to clarify your thinking, OP. He's the one who goes, even if he tries to backtrack now.

Kick him out.!
Your house with your DM and your DC and you is working well
He is the only one unhappy with this so he should leave.
Continue the relationship if you want to, with him living on his own

Tell him to get his own mum out and you go live with him. If you dear kick your mum out he will bully you until he takes your house from you. He knows with your mum around he can't that's why he is trying to psychologically bully you. He should be ashamed of himself to asked you to kick your mum out of your own house. Where is his own house?
My dear do not even think twice to tell him to happily get out and leave you and your mum alone
He doesn't love you he only wants what you have and he is hiding it under his beard.

She is your mother, as you state she isn't doing anything wrong . Kick him to the kerb . He doesn't like the situation he can leave .

But the twist is, maybe he loved you and wants to live with you. It is your choice if that includes your mum and maybe that is too much for him. Can you blame him for trying it out?

Not at all. OP cooks for him and does his laundry. He contributes minimally financially. Who could blame the guy, right? Great deal.

Honestly, I think it's unreasonable he is still in the house. He would have been out so fast his feet wouldn't have touched the ground if it was me.

😂I thought the exact same thing! I got my friend a shopping bag with "Cats before Twats" on it for Christmas, she was highly delighted with it. Maybe we could send OP one with "Mums before Bums"...